brightlights Posted March 12, 2010 Posted March 12, 2010 To give a short summary my bf and I have dated for close to 5 years with some rocky road in between. I thought we were doing pretty good right now and things were progressing. We went away for my birthday this past weekend with another couple, and things were going well. On Friday nite I got injured and went to sleep early and he stayed up with the other couple drinking and playing cards (we rented a house) I was awaken a few hours later by a loud laugh and as I was trying to go back to sleep I overheard my bf bragging about girls giving him there numbers when he goes to his regular bar. He even goes on to say that a girl had offered him a place to crash during the snowstorm a few weeks ago. The next day I confronted him about this and why he would be taking girls numbers which he claims he deletes if he has a gf, that makes no sense cause he's leading them on. He apologized but didn't say anything that made me feel confident in us anymore. On top of that I now feel like that was a dent in the trust factor cause who knows what else he may be doing. What do you guys think about this? I need some insight, why do guys do this? and what is the point? Thanks for your help.
alphamale Posted March 12, 2010 Posted March 12, 2010 What do you guys think about this? I need some insight, why do guys do this? and what is the point? its just harmless fun and to get attention and to know you can still get chicks. its no big deal unless he starts using the numbers
2sunny Posted March 12, 2010 Posted March 12, 2010 its just harmless fun and to get attention and to know you can still get chicks. its no big deal unless he starts using the numbers i disagree alpha. it shows a lack of character and integrity. also extreme lack of respect for the gal he's dating/living with. he's a dork. i'd dump his sorry a$$! but then again it just reminds me of what my exH did when we were dating... and i guess i shouldn't have been surprised when he cheated in the marriage then too.
alphamale Posted March 12, 2010 Posted March 12, 2010 i disagree alpha. it shows a lack of character and integrity. also extreme lack of respect for the gal he's dating/living with. he's a dork. why? its not different than a taken woman flirting with men to get attention with no intent to take it any further
2sunny Posted March 12, 2010 Posted March 12, 2010 why? its not different than a taken woman flirting with men to get attention with no intent to take it any further alpha - giving or taking the number shows the action that DOES show intention of taking it that step further... therein lies the problem...
Author brightlights Posted March 12, 2010 Author Posted March 12, 2010 I hear you alpha in the sense that if they don't use the numbers its harmless, but I feel at this rate how do i know he doesn't keep them or call them or who knows what. It definitely felt disrespectful to me and I made sure he knew this, and the whole dumping him has crossed my mind several times since, because I don't know how to move forward from this. Its been so long, that I don't know if I would be rushing out of the relationship by just dumping him or is there another option? I don't know I feel so confused and upset about it that I don't know how to handle it.
alphamale Posted March 12, 2010 Posted March 12, 2010 Its been so long, that I don't know if I would be rushing out of the relationship by just dumping him or is there another option? I don't know I feel so confused and upset about it that I don't know how to handle it. just tell him if he keeps on getting these numbers from other girls that you will then start going out to the bars with your girlfriends and giving out your number to any guys that interest you...
Author brightlights Posted March 12, 2010 Author Posted March 12, 2010 lol.....during my convo with him i told him about the fact that when i go out I decline numbers and tell guys that i have a bf cause I'm not in the business of leading ppl on, and asked him how he would feel if I did the same thing he did, and he stayed quiet. silence speaks louder than words sometimes, but sometimes silence says more like maybe theres more to the picture than i know, and I only heard about an hour of him bragging and going on and on about crap. what do you think about ultimatums? I've always thought them unecessary but now I don't know, and even if he accepted some crazy terms how would I know he kept them.
St. Nick Posted March 12, 2010 Posted March 12, 2010 How do you know some dude wasn't bragging in front of his guy friends? Get a group of guys together and if they start talking about women then there is bound to be a crapload of bragging and outright lies from every guy, even married guys, nice guys, and guys who are secretly virgins. In my Air Force bootcamp there was this one dude who had the wildest stories about getting women and used to try to make himself look like the biggest player in a group of around 52 recruits. Some of us believed his stories until a couple of us found his partially-written letter to his mother (or his "mummy" as he called her), where he stated he was glad to lose his virginity two weeks prior to bootcamp. We passed it around and he later got owned like a motherf*****. We also had teenage guys who were married and trying to lie about how they had half a dozen mistresses. Your bf could be telling the truth that he gets numbers from women, but I wouldn't be surprised if he was lying or exaggerating the numbers. One thing you should know is if you get a group of guys together and the subject is women then there are bound to be a ****load of bragging and outright lies. Even if you got Jared from Subway, Screech from Saved by the Bell, Pauley Shore, Vanilla Ice, and Andrew Dice Clay together there would bound to be a lot of bragging on their asses like they were the next Don Juan or Casanova. All in all, your bf probably does get numbers but if he does then he was probably lying about the amount of numbers. I wouldn't take that crap seriously.
Author brightlights Posted March 12, 2010 Author Posted March 12, 2010 u see if he had been telling that story to a bunch of guys I could see how if could be a bunch of crap, but the trip was just 2 couples: us and them, and he was telling the stories to the other couple which is why I don't see the need for him to exagerate or create stories for them. sometimes i wish i hadn't woken up and heard all this crap or maybe i just need to put on my steel toe shoe and kick him in the shins, idk. I dont know if i'm putting too much into this, but i feel it's a trust issue were diving into and if the trust goes so do the 5 yrs we've been in this relationship, all go out the door and that's a scary thing. I guess you never know who your with, and no matter how much time passes you will never know them. should i have another convo with him or should i just lay back for a few days and not talk to him and see what happens?
alphamale Posted March 12, 2010 Posted March 12, 2010 should i have another convo with him or should i just lay back for a few days and not talk to him and see what happens? you should cut off the sex for three weeks
2sunny Posted March 12, 2010 Posted March 12, 2010 i say no to an ultimatum - it will just cause him to hide it more, set a boundary for yourself - then stick to it. ultimately he does it because he's insecure and needs an ego feed... does that sound attractive?
Author brightlights Posted March 12, 2010 Author Posted March 12, 2010 no that doesn't sound attractive at all, what kind of boundary are you refering to?
Ronni_W Posted March 12, 2010 Posted March 12, 2010 why? its not different than a taken woman flirting with men to get attention with no intent to take it any further I'm all for harmless flirting but it IS different when a woman or man who is in a committed relationship gives or takes a phone number -- even if there is every intent to trash the number as soon as one leaves the establishment. To me, there is some 'invisible line' that gets crossed once phone numbers are involved...it opens up potentials and temptations that, I dunno, kind of denies or dishonours the primary relationship in some way.
homersheineken Posted March 12, 2010 Posted March 12, 2010 I'm all for harmless flirting but it IS different when a woman or man who is in a committed relationship gives or takes a phone number -- even if there is every intent to trash the number as soon as one leaves the establishment. To me, there is some 'invisible line' that gets crossed once phone numbers are involved...it opens up potentials and temptations that, I dunno, kind of denies or dishonours the primary relationship in some way. Yeah, flirting is just talking and having fun. Getting/taking a number (without disclosing a relationship) is making a move.
Wallace1 Posted March 12, 2010 Posted March 12, 2010 I was out with my sister a couple weeks ago, her BF wasn't there. By the end of the night she had exchanged numbers with a couple guys, and I asked her what the deal was. She played it off like it was just joking around, but they ended up breaking up like 2 weeks later. They didn't breakup because she met up with any of these guys, but it dawned on me that at the very least she was considering whether or not her relationship was falling apart, even if it was subconscious. Maybe its different for guys/girls, but I'd take it serious if you believe it was more than bragging to friends that he could "get chicks numbers."
Author brightlights Posted March 12, 2010 Author Posted March 12, 2010 so how should i proceed? any ideas......
SomewhatExperienced Posted March 12, 2010 Posted March 12, 2010 I have an ex girlfriend and we had an "agreement" if you will that it was perfectly acceptable to flirt with other people, as long as you knew where to draw the line. If some girl came to talk to me a bar and SHE offered me her number, yeah I'd take it to be polite and simply not call her. [as a side note, part of drawing a line is I would not flirt with her in a way that made it obvious that I WANTED her number, but just friendly and flirty]. For both me and my ex it was a way to remind yourself that you were still attractive to other people. But we were completely open about it and knew that we'd both still come back to eachother, albeit with an ego boost!
Recommended Posts