whysohard Posted March 11, 2010 Posted March 11, 2010 we finalized the divorce, the week leading to it however she has changed completely and started saying really weird stuff about how wonderfull our relationship was and how she should have been more patient, she even said she wants to start over again?! she was actually being really nice?!! for a second there i thought she actually wants to reconciliate. is this just cold feet from her part?
onedayatatyme Posted March 11, 2010 Posted March 11, 2010 I'd only be guessing. But I guess cold feet is a very likely explanation. Also, I would think that if she did a sudden 180, you have to wonder if she's sincere. If you are inclined to give her a shot, I'd be cautious and take it really slow.
tojaz Posted March 12, 2010 Posted March 12, 2010 I'd only be guessing. But I guess cold feet is a very likely explanation. Also, I would think that if she did a sudden 180, you have to wonder if she's sincere. If you are inclined to give her a shot, I'd be cautious and take it really slow. The other guy didn't work out Both very possible. I think a better question is, what do you want????? If your looking for the recon trail, tread lightly and watch your back. TOJAZ
Author whysohard Posted March 12, 2010 Author Posted March 12, 2010 Both very possible. I think a better question is, what do you want????? If your looking for the recon trail, tread lightly and watch your back. TOJAZ i wont lie to you, i still love her, but i am in no hurry to get back to her, my head is telling to turn the other way and run as fast as you can.
threebyfate Posted March 12, 2010 Posted March 12, 2010 i wont lie to you, i still love her, but i am in no hurry to get back to her, my head is telling to turn the other way and run as fast as you can.Don't get back with her immediately, no matter what she says. Give yourself at least six months to a year, so you can clear out the emotions and make a decision that's good for YOU!
Author whysohard Posted March 13, 2010 Author Posted March 13, 2010 guys, this is really messing me up, she's been texting me with random stuff since D was final. is she doing it on purpose? i am trying to stick to NC but god this is killing me. she probably just feels reminiscent about us, but she knows how much i love her (and she is assuming i'll eventualy bite) but should i? so early? or maybe it's just wishfull thinking from my part?
mark982 Posted March 13, 2010 Posted March 13, 2010 change your number. end the missery. or just tell her to quit bothering you.
Rearden Metal Posted March 13, 2010 Posted March 13, 2010 I hate her already. Reminds me of my ex. Basically, you've fully rejected her, which makes her crazy. Her ego can't handle that. If you reconcile, she'll leave you so that you can take the ego hit she's feeling now.
Author whysohard Posted March 13, 2010 Author Posted March 13, 2010 i think she's just feeling nostalgic, i am sure she'll give up completely in couple of weeks. problem is she won't come out and say it, she'll just keep beating around the bush
Gunny376 Posted March 13, 2010 Posted March 13, 2010 The one that cares the least, is the one that controls the relationship, that would not be you, and util it is? You need to stay in deep NC. That is to say that you've regained complete and absolute control of your emotions.
tojaz Posted March 14, 2010 Posted March 14, 2010 All good advice above Whysohard. I wouldn't do anything until she makes her true intentions known. Otherwise your just setting yourself up for hurt. Nothing wrong with leaving that door open if you still love her, but don't let her slam your fingers in it! I was very guilty of that for quite awhile. TOJAZ
Author whysohard Posted March 14, 2010 Author Posted March 14, 2010 I wouldn't do anything until she makes her true intentions known. the problem is i know she'll never come out and say it, she's too proud ( losing face). i dont know man, its probably just wishful thinking from my part
tojaz Posted March 14, 2010 Posted March 14, 2010 Been there man, done that. Take a look at my threads, its a long hard road, but if you have to do all the work, then how real is it? If shes too proud to come to you, if she values your R that little, are you willing to put yourself in that position. ( I know, I know. I still tussle with that one all the time, even a year later) Be strong!!! Tojaz
PWSX3 Posted March 14, 2010 Posted March 14, 2010 the problem is i know she'll never come out and say it, she's too proud ( losing face). i dont know man, its probably just wishful thinking from my part There is your first clue. If she was serious about it then she would swallow her pride.... You have to see changes in a person, not just; I want to come back or I made a mistake. I really do believe no matter how bad the situation is/was that even the one that leaves will have feelings for the other person. If they had feelings I believe they will try & just keep you guessing, trying to keep you on the back burner in case whatever doesn't work out.
nobmagnet Posted March 14, 2010 Posted March 14, 2010 There is your first clue. If she was serious about it then she would swallow her pride.... You have to see changes in a person, not just; I want to come back or I made a mistake. I really do believe no matter how bad the situation is/was that even the one that leaves will have feelings for the other person. If they had feelings I believe they will try & just keep you guessing, trying to keep you on the back burner in case whatever doesn't work out. IMO i would just bite the bullet and swallow any pride i ever had.................gone and say im soooooooooo sorry, i never ment the hurt. anything less........nah. nobby xx:love:
Author whysohard Posted March 15, 2010 Author Posted March 15, 2010 guys, i think i am done, i cant keep hanging onto the past, i do however wonder if i am gonna find another woman like her (good qualities). thank you LS for being so supportive. that's this saga over and done with
2.50 a gallon Posted March 17, 2010 Posted March 17, 2010 Short answer NO! A general rule of thumb, the walk aways, trade down. The betrayed spouse trades up. You can bank on it. Someday you are going to find a woman who is so much better that what you had. Thirty years ago I was in your shoes, with the same questions. But by just your wandering the above question, shows that you are open to the possibility. I was totally closed, was Never going to fall in love again. I lasted a whole 15 years, running from love. But you guessed Cupid bit my a$$, and the last 15 years have been the happiest years of my adult life. You are still a young pup, learn to enjoy life, expand your horizons, learn to cook, learn to dance, and the ladies will come knocking on your door. You have an E ticket enjoy the ride. Someday you will be like me, my divorce was the best thing that ever happened to me.
curiou Posted March 17, 2010 Posted March 17, 2010 do you have kids together? If not I would advise cutting off communication and saving yourself the psychobabble torture. It is not worth it. Oftentimes (not always) if you rekindle a relationship with an ex you get back together just to find out you still are the same people in the same relationship you had before. The core of people is very hard to change. So many women out there. Lots of them would appreciate a guy who has learned from his mistakes in previous relationships.
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