Confusedguy81 Posted March 12, 2010 Posted March 12, 2010 it's a girl thing, especially when the guy is loaded.
nddb Posted March 12, 2010 Posted March 12, 2010 A long-time married guy. I like being married. I like it that my kids have a stable environment to grow up in. I like it that I'm making an investment in someone to make deeper connection over the years than quickies relationships. I like it that she has my best interest in mind. But I haven't had my heart stomped on and have no evidence that it will happen. Her parents don't believe in divorce; none of her sisters do either; and she is of the school that once she's married, it's for life. If my wife were selfish or narcissistic, may be I'd feel differently but I got lucky so I'll put myself in the "being married is great" column.
Woggle Posted March 12, 2010 Posted March 12, 2010 People have weddings because we like our milestones and celebrations. It is no different than a graduation or a bar mitzfah or a retirement party. When you have found the one you want to commit to you want to celebrate it. The problem is that too many people don't seem to care as much about after the wedding. When done right it can be good for both genders but with the way many women act these days unless she is willing to sign a solid prenup marriage for a man is like playing russian roulette with his life. If it goes wrong which it often does there is hell to pay.
Barky Posted March 12, 2010 Posted March 12, 2010 Paid maternity leave is welfare. Welfare is socialism. And socialism is good. Funny that the older generation still has the old "red scare" mentality. Read your Marx. Marxism is good, Marxist-Leninism doesn't work.
Mr White Posted March 13, 2010 Posted March 13, 2010 Interesting Mr White. If you don't mind my asking, could you clarify your post a bit? You say that marriage benefits women, but then all I see in your post is how it benefits you. Of course, this statement assumes that you value (as it appears you do) having a woman to "keep the home fires burning" and take care of the family; as opposed to you actually really freaking hate that, and only put up with it because it makes her happy..... So, how does a woman benefit more than you from a marriage? Specifics? Well, yes. My point was that most women want marriage for whatever weird emotional/hormonal reasons, but not quite as many actually enjoy marriage (which in big part consist of taking care of their guy/family). So, it is the latter kind of woman that would inspire devotion to marriage in me (i.e. only in this scenario I'd be happy to provide my share of the "benefits" - such as a good loking/accommplished guy to show around to her gfs (), complementary help with raising kids (i.e. wrestle the kids on the lawn, take them hiking and other fatherly things), set up and maintain the family castle, etc. etc. etc. All this things are highly enjoyable if the woman in quesiton is actually family minded, and a slavery if the woman is the entitled princess type.
Tres Posted March 13, 2010 Posted March 13, 2010 A Marriage is neither for women, nor for men. It is for their children to grow normal, happy, emotionally and physically healthy, so they will be able to give birth more normal, healthy children for next generations. A woman has maternal instincts because of estrogens and a man has sex drive because of testosterone. So, they can be attracted to each other sexually and make children. Making children and giving them birth are the easiest parts. The process of raising children is hard one and it is common that results are sad because parents neglected their kids.
Barky Posted March 13, 2010 Posted March 13, 2010 A Marriage is neither for women, nor for men. It is for their children to grow normal, happy, emotionally and physically healthy, so they will be able to give birth more normal, healthy children for next generations. And on and on and on ad nauseum But this begs the question: should people who can't have children not get married?
Mr White Posted March 13, 2010 Posted March 13, 2010 Putting kids before anything else is one of the main reasons for the demise of many marriages. Two adults submitting their entire lives to uncivilized critters is a sad, sad, sad sight. And this is from a guy who actually loves kids and hope to have my own. I'm just sick of the idolization of children that is taking place. But, hey, much like homeowhership, stupid ideas make for good business!
Barky Posted March 13, 2010 Posted March 13, 2010 I'm just sick of the idolization of children that is taking place. But, hey, much like homeowhership, stupid ideas make for good business! This was the most profound statement I've read on the internet all year.
nddb Posted March 13, 2010 Posted March 13, 2010 Not idolization. They had no choice in the matter. I view it as my responsibility to create the best environment possible for them to grow up in. And that includes finding the right mother/wife. Although children are only one consideration (albeit an extremely important one), it's not the only consideration. Nevertheless, a marriage concerns 3 parties once there are kids. Husband, wife, and children.
tami-chan Posted March 13, 2010 Posted March 13, 2010 (edited) My marriage definitely served my ex-husband more than it did me. He had a "stable" family life, a wife who managed the home front while he was away, a wife whom he thought looked good with him in social gatherings, among other things. He has always maintained that he never saw himself not married to me and thought his life would be meaningless without me in it (hehe, riiiight )..oh well...I got hit on the head and woke up to my senses and now we are divorced! Edited March 13, 2010 by tami-chan
Tres Posted March 13, 2010 Posted March 13, 2010 And on and on and on ad nauseum But this begs the question: should people who can't have children not get married? People who can not have children should get married and adopt kids . Barky, people are normally aware that they can not have kids after they already got married. A couple is considered to be infertile after 1-2 yrs of trying to get pregnant with no success.
stillafool Posted March 13, 2010 Posted March 13, 2010 The benefit of marriage is a relationship; if we see no value in a relationship, than we will get no value from marriage. Relationships between people are, needless to say, the backbone of society. As for a marriage relationship, it is agreed (committed to) that two people will be there for each other. Yes, I know, divorce happens, and the commitment is broken. We don't value commitment much either, it seems. But if we can commit to relationships together, real working relationships, we gain the benefits of having someone (or groups of people) there for us. So the benefit of marriage is a relationship, it is that someone there for you. Men or women who cannot see the value of marriage, cannot see the value of having a partner in life. And that's okay. Living single isn't bad, wrong or worse.... as long as one isn't lonely. People do not need to be married to have commited relationships. There are so many couples who live together and are commited. You do not have to be married to have someone there for you.
blind_otter Posted March 13, 2010 Posted March 13, 2010 I don't have to declare it, but there is power in that declaration. Declaring that you are committed in marriage to someone gives strength to the relationship. It's also just a basic agreement, that both people are committed to making the relationship work. You can declare without getting married. Marriage as a legal contract was instituted to manage the transfer of property between the owners - the father and the husband. The wife is chattel. An object. She even gets to have her name changed so show ownership. Let me be free, stand on my own, choose my partner to stand by my side if I like, but not for society's sake. For our sake.
blind_otter Posted March 13, 2010 Posted March 13, 2010 A Marriage is neither for women, nor for men. It is for their children to grow normal, happy, emotionally and physically healthy, so they will be able to give birth more normal, healthy children for next generations. That's rich. How come I know so many effed up kids who grew up in intact homes? Hrm. I grew up in an intact home. I am not normal, happy, and I am not emotionally healthy. How BIZARRE!! The process of raising children is hard one and it is common that results are sad because parents neglected their kids. Are you saying that married people neglect their kids, too? Not just unmarried ones?
blind_otter Posted March 13, 2010 Posted March 13, 2010 Putting kids before anything else is one of the main reasons for the demise of many marriages. Two adults submitting their entire lives to uncivilized critters is a sad, sad, sad sight. And this is from a guy who actually loves kids and hope to have my own. I'm just sick of the idolization of children that is taking place. But, hey, much like homeowhership, stupid ideas make for good business! I dunno, man. I would throw my son's father under the bus to save my son. It's just instinct - preserve the next generation, the dad's all used up because he already reproduced. Nature's way. Of course my son's father and I do not meet eye to eye and no longer have a romantic relationship, so there you go.
threebyfate Posted March 13, 2010 Posted March 13, 2010 This is interesting, to see the way some individuals view children, as an extension of the mother, rather than little people who also deserve consideration and have rights, within the family unit. It's like some men believe that children and marriage are solely wanted by women, that they themselves are one of the "perks", hence feel they deserve to be treated like little Princes. This is an incredibly self-centric attitude.
lora22 Posted March 13, 2010 Posted March 13, 2010 This is interesting, to see the way some individuals view children, as an extension of the mother, rather than little people who also deserve consideration and have rights, within the family unit. It's like some men believe that children and marriage are solely wanted by women, that they themselves are one of the "perks", hence feel they deserve to be treated like little Princes. This is an incredibly self-centric attitude. This very succinctly sums up my thoughts on this thread. Many posts by male posters make it sound as though they think they're doing women some huge favor by marrying (or considering marrying) them.
Tres Posted March 13, 2010 Posted March 13, 2010 That's rich. How come I know so many effed up kids who grew up in intact homes? Hrm. I grew up in an intact home. I am not normal, happy, and I am not emotionally healthy. How BIZARRE!! Are you saying that married people neglect their kids, too? Not just unmarried ones? Sure, it is not so simple. The point is that a kid should believe that at least one of his parents loves him/her unconditionally. This belief is easier to experience if you have at least one parent who is really here for a child, but not for themselves. There is only 24 hrs per every day, so every parent has to chose to spend their time and attention on their kids or on themselves. It is natural to chose themselves over your kids. For example, a single mother will naturally spend her time looking for men to fullfill her emotional needs, and her child is going to be deprive of his/her emotional needs. Sure, parents are different. Sometimes both parents emotionally abuse their kids because they only care about their own well-being and fun. That is why there is plenty of very young people who are on antidepressants and who are totally confused about their life and their identity. Typically, this type of parents are happy people who sincerely believe that they are perfect parents.
Mr White Posted March 13, 2010 Posted March 13, 2010 This very succinctly sums up my thoughts on this thread. Many posts by male posters make it sound as though they think they're doing women some huge favor by marrying (or considering marrying) them. Whatever . It is WOMEN who view children of extensions of themselves that entitle them to a special princess/mommy treatment - rather than as an offspring in which the fathers have just as much right and responsibility to participate. Most women walk around talking about "MY children", without any consideration for the feelings and the role of the father, and view their husbands as disposable sperm donors as soon as the poor kiddos pop out of their vaginas. Fail. So yes, men do women a favor by sticking with them and helping with the kids in spite of this hideously entitled attitude. Just because you give birth, this doesn't make you better persons...
lora22 Posted March 13, 2010 Posted March 13, 2010 Whatever . It is WOMEN who view children of extensions of themselves that entitle them to a special princess/mommy treatment - rather than as an offspring in which the fathers have just as much right and responsibility to participate. Most women walk around talking about "MY children", without any consideration for the feelings and the role of the father, and view their husbands as disposable sperm donors as soon as the poor kiddos pop out of their vaginas. Fail. So yes, men do women a favor by sticking with them and helping with the kids in spite of this hideously entitled attitude. Just because you give birth, this doesn't make you better persons... This was a coffee-spitter.
Woggle Posted March 13, 2010 Posted March 13, 2010 Whatever . It is WOMEN who view children of extensions of themselves that entitle them to a special princess/mommy treatment - rather than as an offspring in which the fathers have just as much right and responsibility to participate. Most women walk around talking about "MY children", without any consideration for the feelings and the role of the father, and view their husbands as disposable sperm donors as soon as the poor kiddos pop out of their vaginas. Fail. So yes, men do women a favor by sticking with them and helping with the kids in spite of this hideously entitled attitude. Just because you give birth, this doesn't make you better persons... Yup. To most women fathers are nothing more than disposable sperm donors and a paycheck. The only time they matter is when the support check is late.
Jersey Shortie Posted March 13, 2010 Posted March 13, 2010 Different day. Same spew. Everything is all women's fault all the time and all the men are just perfect creatures that always do the right thing. It's men who want to get married and be responsible. It's women who want to party. The reason we are in the state we are in is *all* women's fault. So ridiculous.
Woggle Posted March 13, 2010 Posted March 13, 2010 Different day. Same spew. Everything is all women's fault all the time and all the men are just perfect creatures that always do the right thing. It's men who want to get married and be responsible. It's women who want to party. The reason we are in the state we are in is *all* women's fault. So ridiculous. For years we have been discussing what is so wrong with men so why not look at other side for a change?
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