Green Posted March 11, 2010 Posted March 11, 2010 Is marriage mostly for the sake of women? It some times seems like men benefit more from just dating. These days you might even be expected to help pay for the wedding as well as an expensive ring. I personally do want to get married one day, but it some times seems like a one sided thing in favor of women. As opposed to the dating model which doesn’t sway the power.
St. Nick Posted March 11, 2010 Posted March 11, 2010 I'm male, and I think marriage is doomed to failure. I used to want kids, but now I'm more comfortable being a sponsor in one of those big brother programs.
single-n-lonely Posted March 11, 2010 Posted March 11, 2010 I'm a woman and I sure hope it's not a girl thing! If that's the case, we will all have to become lesbians Green, what about marriage seems to favor women to you?
flc Posted March 11, 2010 Posted March 11, 2010 I don't think so. Marriage has both a legal basis and a comittment basis. The legal basis allows you to extend benefits to your partner, purchase items based on combined credit and file taxes jointly. It is assumed that it shows a level of comittment beyond dating but that seems more questionable these days with a 50%+ divorce rate. Then of course how comfortable are you in raising children out of wedlock?
Lizzie60 Posted March 11, 2010 Posted March 11, 2010 Is marriage mostly for the sake of women? It some times seems like men benefit more from just dating. These days you might even be expected to help pay for the wedding as well as an expensive ring. I personally do want to get married one day, but it some times seems like a one sided thing in favor of women. As opposed to the dating model which doesn’t sway the power. I agree that if given the choice, most men would NOT get married.. because it's not necessary.. it's mainly a tradition.. 'romanticized' for women..(long white dress, flowers, diamonds, etc.) it's a very lucrative business. ... Totally ridiculous if you ask me..
xxoo Posted March 11, 2010 Posted March 11, 2010 Is marriage mostly for the sake of women? It some times seems like men benefit more from just dating. These days you might even be expected to help pay for the wedding as well as an expensive ring. I personally do want to get married one day, but it some times seems like a one sided thing in favor of women. As opposed to the dating model which doesn’t sway the power. There is a body of research that demonstrates marriage to be associated with positive health outcomes for men. http://www.rand.org/pubs/research_briefs/RB5018/index1.html. If I recall correctly, the health outcomes for married women were not, in fact, as good as for married men. As for the ring and the expensive wedding...not all women are into those things. I guess most are, but a lot of us want true love over the glitzy stuff
ADF Posted March 11, 2010 Posted March 11, 2010 Frankly, I think men usually get far more out of marriage than women do. Men tend to lack the strong social support networks woman have before marriage, and thus depend heavily on their wives for emotional support. When their marriages end, men are usually pretty alone, isolated. There are exceptions, of course, but it often plays out that way. That said, it is clear the DESIRE to get married is far stronger among women. I think many men--probably most men--would be prefectly happy just "hanging out" with a woman forever, never making any promises or firm commitments. When men do marry, it is often because they feel like they have to--i.e. that they will lose the women they love if they don't.
donnamaybe Posted March 11, 2010 Posted March 11, 2010 Some men might find it so now that they are not allowed to completely control women, the family money, etc. etc. etc. I understand how men have been abused by courts in the past in deference to women, but things have changed. My ex is only supposed to pay 41% of our son's financial needs because I made more money when we divorced. He doesn't, though, 'cause he's a dirtbag.
grogster Posted March 11, 2010 Posted March 11, 2010 Frankly, I think men usually get far more out of marriage than women do. Men tend to lack the strong social support networks woman have before marriage, and thus depend heavily on their wives for emotional support. When their marriages end, men are usually pretty alone, isolated. There are exceptions, of course, but it often plays out that way. That said, it is clear the DESIRE to get married is far stronger among women. I think many men--probably most men--would be prefectly happy just "hanging out" with a woman forever, never making any promises or firm commitments. When men do marry, it is often because they feel like they have to--i.e. that they will lose the women they love if they don't. I agree with you, ADF. It's ironic that many men don't want something that benefits them, and many women desire that which does not benefit them.
threebyfate Posted March 11, 2010 Posted March 11, 2010 I can honestly say that in weighing marriage, that men get far more out of marriage.
Mme. Chaucer Posted March 11, 2010 Posted March 11, 2010 I think the fantasies behind marriage are mostly for women - the gown, the ring, the Bridezilla effect - but it has been exhaustively documented that men in general fare much worse from the emotional effects of divorce. My ex husband was extremely persistent about marrying and I was ambivalent; we ended up finally tying the formal knot when our daughter was five years old. My "SO" (whatever!) is so much "the marrying kind" that I think he will never be completely content until we are formally married. I guess women like the dream, and men like the structure. In general!
silic0ntoad Posted March 11, 2010 Posted March 11, 2010 I don't believe in marriage. I guess a part of me used to, but really, a certificate proves nothing. Not to me anyway. I keep a pretty positive outlook, but when it really boils down to it, in a very selfish way, I don't want to lose half of what I earned to anyone, wife, father, sister, whoever. I don't have faith that a comitted serious relationship is easy to come by. This, of course is all dictated by my experience. I keep hope for the better, but time will tell. I also do not want kids. I love children, don't get me wrong, but I am much more content raising my dog/s. Again, if/when I meet the right person, this may all change, but I've learned that it's better to look for someone who fits you as you are then change yourself to find someone you may be compatible with in the future. Again, all dicey. As it stands, I don't think marriage benefits either men or women, it simply puts a false social constraint on them, which half of all couples break anyway, and can cause financial ruin. I'll pass.
SarahRose Posted March 11, 2010 Posted March 11, 2010 Frankly, I think men usually get far more out of marriage than women do. Men tend to lack the strong social support networks woman have before marriage, and thus depend heavily on their wives for emotional support. When their marriages end, men are usually pretty alone, isolated. There are exceptions, of course, but it often plays out that way. That said, it is clear the DESIRE to get married is far stronger among women. I think many men--probably most men--would be prefectly happy just "hanging out" with a woman forever, never making any promises or firm commitments. When men do marry, it is often because they feel like they have to--i.e. that they will lose the women they love if they don't. It is funny that men are the reluctant ones to get marriage but after they are married, they usually are the ones not to want a divorce. Men get someone to take care of them pretty much. They get a clean house, cooking, social network, someone to do all the dirty work in life.
threebyfate Posted March 11, 2010 Posted March 11, 2010 Maybe this is just another example of the duality of human nature, in not wanting what's good for you or wanting what's bad for you!
silic0ntoad Posted March 11, 2010 Posted March 11, 2010 Yeah it's reported men are happier than women once they are married for a time, and women supposedly initiate the vast majority of divorces. Another reason not to get married. Pledging yourself to one person forever, only to have them run away years later? No thanks. I guess "til death do us part" really means "Til you **** up and I find some stud/smoking hot mama to bang the hell out of me" lmao
silic0ntoad Posted March 11, 2010 Posted March 11, 2010 Maybe this is just another example of the duality of human nature, in not wanting what's good for you or wanting what's bad for you! +1 on this... human nature is inherently flawed.... lol.
grogster Posted March 11, 2010 Posted March 11, 2010 Maybe this is just another example of the duality of human nature, in not wanting what's good for you or wanting what's bad for you! That it is. That it is.
carhill Posted March 11, 2010 Posted March 11, 2010 It started with a divorced doctor calling a dating service. But his date wasn't quite what she appeared to be. And just over a year later, after their whirlwind romance and wedding, police would be saying the same thing about his death.It looked like a suicide, but detectives discovered that this new woman in the doctor's life had an interesting past: Not only had she been married four times before, but one of her ex-husbands believes she had tried to kill him. Had she finally succeeded with husband #5? Read more and watch Friday evening I think both parties benefit, although the case above does give one pause....
Ms. Joolie Posted March 11, 2010 Posted March 11, 2010 Marriage is daunting, I admit, but I think the idea of two people growing in a relationship together is beautiful. I believe in marriage, and that's what I want. I want someone who wants to have a marriage with me as much as I want a marriage with him. It's a special relationship, one of great value from what I can see. Of course, I don't have to be married to someone; marriage is not one of my goals at all. If it happens, it happens. It's more a gift than a privilege, and certainly not a misfortune. A marriage is a unique relationship, and intimate relationship.... it creates the setting for extraordinary and unique growth, a growth not available to someone who has no partner. The benefits of this kind of committed partnership, of this intimate relationship, of this growth together, is for both the man and woman.
ADF Posted March 11, 2010 Posted March 11, 2010 I agree that if given the choice, most men would NOT get married.. because it's not necessary.. it's mainly a tradition.. 'romanticized' for women..(long white dress, flowers, diamonds, etc.) it's a very lucrative business. ... Totally ridiculous if you ask me.. This would be true were it not for the fact that marriage has significant legal benefits. That's the part no one talks about. For example, in my state (Illinois), a married couple can purchase their primary home under a rule called Tenancy in the Entirety. What this means, in a nutshell, is that if either husband of wife accumulate debt, creditors may NOT force the sale of their home to satsify that debt. They may be broke, but they won't be homeless. That is a critical legal protection ONLY available to married couples.
silic0ntoad Posted March 11, 2010 Posted March 11, 2010 @Joolie- I agree, or at least, I think that's what marriage is supposed to be about. But finding someone who wants that, and is comitted to that, I find, is very, very daunting given the social pressures put on men and women today, and the social acceptande of affairs and open relationships now. IDK. I think I'll just pass. Besides, if I absolutely have to get laid, I know multiple bars in the area, and where the redlight districts are! My old man used to say- "The only things truly faithful to you in life are your dog, and your boots." Six months later my mum cheated on him in CO, and he had a revenge affair. They are still married but it's rocky. I'm thinking I'll stick with what he says.
quankanne Posted March 11, 2010 Posted March 11, 2010 it seems to me that going in, women tend to be more gung-ho about marriage and all the trappings that come with it, but when they're older and they lose their spouse, they remain single, as widows not interested in taking on the bullshxt that comes with a new relationship. men, on the other hand, go in kicking and screaming and generally unhappy about the idea of being "shackled" … yet when they lose their spouse (through death or divorce), it seems that they're VERY quick to remarry. My guess is because they're afraid to be alone. To that extent, they tend to be the needier sex, especially after a certain age ...
Ms. Joolie Posted March 11, 2010 Posted March 11, 2010 My old man used to say- "The only things truly faithful to you in life are your dog, and your boots." Six months later my mum cheated on him in CO, and he had a revenge affair. They are still married but it's rocky. I'm thinking I'll stick with what he says. Sorry to hear that. Yeah, talk about reality. Chaotic things happen, and often we make choices that cause real problems. Your mom chose to go outside her marriage, and that was an issue. Your dad reacted such and that created more issues. It's a common thing, a common reaction. Hopefully they have learned more about themselves by going through that situation, and have grown from that experience. So even that scenario doesn't distort my view of marriage. ... Marriage is a commitment to a person, it's about caring for that person, it's about honesty, communication, passion and numerous other qualities that one does not cultivate alone. In a marriage, you have to actively work to improve yourself and you have to actively care about your partner. If you don't, the relationship will suffer and over time that will create a real problem. I believe benefits from marriage come at the cost of real work on our part, yet few people do the work to realize those benefits. But, eh, as single people.... we don't face that world... we are independent and care-free. haha. That has it's own benefits, and it's own reality.
meerkat stew Posted March 11, 2010 Posted March 11, 2010 There is a body of research that demonstrates marriage to be associated with positive health outcomes for men. http://www.rand.org/pubs/research_briefs/RB5018/index1.html. The reason for those stats is that the percentage of "unmarryable" men in the world tend to have lots of health problems. A lower percentile healthiness woman has a better chance of marrying than a lower percentile healthiness man. I doubt that the body of research mentions this though. That there is some tangible benefit or detriment to either sex from marriage is based on faulty research and logic IMO.
Barky Posted March 11, 2010 Posted March 11, 2010 It entirely depends on what kind of man you are. For me, since I like banging lots of women, a social institution that promotes monogamy is not in my best interest. Fortunately, nowadays if you don't want to get married, you don't have to.
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