Wtf

[daddypop1]

Can someone tell me why people want to come back to u, they miss u, want it to work out and then they start backpedaling? My ex tried to come back to me now twice in 4 months and then after a couple hrs, she doesnt want to. I almost stopped my divorce 2 times now. She said the same exact thing both times - - We need to be friends and parents together first. WTF does that mean? Is that code for im just ****ing with your head and Im going to stay with my current boyfriend?

 

She wanted to meet me the other night and she gets in the car and starts crying and saying what happened to us, why cant this work. I miss u, love u, etc.. She misses me everyday and feels like someone died. But she is with someone else. They have a good relationship and no problems. I understand we have been thru 13 yrs and alot of **** but why does she keep doing this. She says that I dont accept her and trust her and am judgmental. She has put me thru alot and my dumb ass always takes her back. I know she must have some major mental issues and probably lies to me all the time. Is there a psychological disorder that this would fall under? Im tired of thinking about it...I guess I need to quit trying to figure her out cuz its not gonna happen.... Thanks for reading -

[Rearden Metal]

Guilt. GUILT GUILT GUILT. That's what's happening with her. She's a mess, a guilty mess. Don't listen to her words, just her actions.

 

And unless there's a financial reason to process the divorce, you can hold off and see. But the fact that she has a BF says a lot about her. Not an independant type, is she?

[daddypop1]

Not independent is an understatement. She has never been truly alone as long as Ive known her. I already filed 4 months ago, the final hearing should b coming up soon. She has cheated multiple times and I always took her back. She says all the other times she was messed up and has grown now. This time was different, she didnt cheat on me. She was going to leave me anyway and this current boyfriend just happened. Its really messed up. When she first got in my car, she seems real sincere, crying, and says she is wants our relationship. It is more important than the one she is in now. Thats why she was with me at that time and not him. But then, a couple hours later she starts acting weird. She goes back home where her boyfriend is sleeping. The next day she tells me she is scared and doesnt know if it can work. Then the " We need to b friends and parents first" comes out. Why does she keep saying that? How in the **** can we b friends given the situation? Its not like we talk on the phone or hang out. We live separately, we are parents separately.

[Gunny376]

Is there a psychological disorder that this would fall under?

 

Yes there is, although I don't know what the exact term its called. There's a book on it, (primarily involving women) titled loosely "Hold Me! Get Away From Me" (Its been over twenty years since I've seen it in the bookstore.

 

My term for it is "Rubberband Love" Dr. Gray, the author of "Men Are From Mars And Women Are From Venus" alludes to it in his books. It occurs in both sexes and in all relationships to some effect. But is most sever in women as they tend to combine it with being addicted to "falling in love"

 

Relationship-wise and intimacy wise its the equivalent of trying to steal home baseball from first base?

 

You might want to read, "How To Break Your Addiction To a Person"

 

It would help if you give up the notion that monogamy in human beings is the norm? Its not ~ the exact opposite is the norm. Monogamy requires maturity, devotion, commitment, self discipline and just plain old hard work.

 

Qualities many people simply lack and will always fall short off their whole lives.

[daddypop1]

Thanks for the info...Gunny, Ive seen quite a few of your other posts as well. Im sure u hear this all time, but u r very intelligent and insightful. I probably do need to read the addiction book. As many times as this woman has messed with my head, I always take her back. It makes me feel stupid, but always looking for her to grow up and change. I was doing really good, not really talking to her at all. We have kids so its tough but when she picks them up or drops them off I just ignore her and go. Since she contacted me a couple days ago and pulled this crap about wanting me back and then not, I feel like Im back to square one.

[LisaUk]

Hi, could I ask when the cheating behaviour began? Was it by any chance after the birth of your youngest child?

[daddypop1]

The cheating began pretty much from the start of our relationship 13 yrs ago, but i didnt know about anything until 4 yrs later. Im pretty sure she was cheating on whoever before I was with her as well.

 

Im not sure why I take the disrespect. Maybe Im conditioned to it. Somewhat like abuse, people get abused but they keep going back. I think its the history. There have been alot of good times and kids involved. Just wish she wasnt mental, but I need to let go. Not worried about a STD she is not trying to sleep with me at all, just trying to kiss me. Dont think she wants to cheat on her boyfriend with her husband. That sounds ****ed up...

We have been separated for 5 months now, wonder how many more times shes gonna do this. Probably forever...

[seibert253]

"wonder how many more times shes gonna do this."

 

until you get your D

 

^^^^^

Just what I was thinking.

 

She's a serial cheater, she's never gonna change.

 

D her and be done. You deserve better.

[alphamale]

WTF does that mean? Is that code for im just ****ing with your head and Im going to stay with my current boyfriend?

basically? yes. she knows she can manipulate you so she is