Bi-Polar Break Up

[thehypemachine]

Hey guys,

I've been with my girlfriend for nearly 2 years now and she has recently been diagnosed with Bi-Polar. Anyway, we will be happy with each other for a few months, and then she'll decide being with me isn't right and then she will break up with me. We get back together hours after and then were okay the week after. I'm used to it though, it doesn't bother me because I know she cannot help it. Anyway, this time it's different; she's broke up and she's determined she doesn't want to be with me, she says it doesn't feel right and that I deserve better. She said she loves me still, but I can do a lot better. I feel like she's breaking up with me to make me happy, but she doesn't realise that the thing that makes me happy is her. She feels forced to be with me though, and I don't want her to feel forced. I want her to be happy, but happy with me. I just don't know what the best method is; should I try and chase her like I usually do, or should I just let her go? It really hurts, and I mean really hurts, but I'm not the only person in the world to be hurt like this, I just don't know what the best method is, I just feel she's making a mistake.

Thanks guys,

Rich

Edited March 11, 2010 by thehypemachine

[thehypemachine]

I honestly think I could. I have OCD, so I can be a bit of a handful. The only problem is she is refusing medication. We just spoke on the phone, and even though she doesn't want to see me, she agreed we will have no contact for a month, and If I still think about her after that I should call her and we will see how she feels. I don't know if it's the right choice, but I think it's better than nothing.

[thehypemachine]

Well, NC didn't really work as we ended up talking last night. It started off okay but we ended up arguing like hell. Our email accounts are joined because we used to check each others when we were away from the computer, and when i signed on hers came up automatically. She had an email from a lad and out of stupid curiousity I opened it. While it wasn't anything bad, I asked her if she felt anything for him, and she said 'I can't predict the future'. It really hurt and she knew that, but she then turned around and said 'I haven't got lads on my facebook commenting me like you have with girls' and she then went into a jelous fit because two very old friends commented asking if I was okay. She also refuses to take me off as her 'in relationship' on facebook, and I know it's not gospel but I just can't help but feel this is all the wrong thing that she's doing. She's coming over later to pick up her stuff, but she said she won't talk to me; do I try and talk to her,do the ridiculous and lock myself in her car so she has to, or do I just simply let her go =\?

It just feels as if this isn't what she really wants. She's practically forcing herself not to want to be with me.

[yan1f]

seems like you both care for each other very much, maybe some communication on both ends would help.

[monkeymaid]

my sis is bipolar, seek couples therapy and she needs to be on meds!!

[Crusoe]

Rich, my ex was bipolar and I went through this, almost word for word, many times. I learnt the best thing to do is not to chase, if she is going through an episode the worst thing you can do is apply pressure. She will most likely not have it in her to be able to deal with you, your thoughts, needs and feelings. Not because she is selfish, but because she will be using all her strength to cope with herself. The feeling forced to be with you is all part of that. She may well still love you, she may well want to you to be happy, but at this moment in time she has not got it in her to deal with you. If there is to be any chance of her returning to you, then you cannot put any of yourself upon her.

 

Do her family know of her diagnosis? Do you think you could talk to them without them running to your girl and telling her what you said? If you can talk to them I suggest that is your route, but remember this really shouldn't be about trying to get her back. This should be about getting her on medication, for her sake, not yours. Once on the meds you can then think about the relationship.

 

Are you prepared to help her even if she doesn't come back? Are you strong enough? If you don't think you are then let her go. Living with a partner who suffers from bipolar can be tough, real tough. It is not for the weak hearted or weak minded. If they are unmedicated can be nigh on impossible.

 

Either way, whatever your choice, seeking professional counseling from an expert in the matter is highly advisable.

[thehypemachine]

Thanks guys for your replies.

 

Last night went okay at first, but it gradually fell apart. She came in and we had a bit of a moment, she hugged me, we danced, she kissed my head and then just started to panic. She ran out and I didn't know what to do, ended up trying to stop her leave and it just ended so bad. I asked her before she went if I could call her when she got back and she said maybe. I tried to call her and she wouldn't answer and we ended up talking on messenger. Basically she said she didn't want to talk me and there was no chance we would get back together. She even went as far as calling me a stalker. We aren't talking now and she said I should call her if I haven't forgotten about her in a months time and we can be friends, but I can't help think it'll lead to something more. I really want it to. She obviously still cares for me after the whole hugging thing, and even though she's adament that this is what she wants I just feel like this is all to try and protect me.

No one knows about her condition apart from me. She's also convinced that this time it's not her bipolar it's her talking to me, but she keeps saying things to make me think different. Weve even agreed to stay faithful with each other until we talk again. I just really don't get what I did wrong. She keeps telling me I'm perfect and I deserve the best girlfriend possible, but she doesn't understand she's the one who's perfect for me.

I'd be more than willing to help her out with it. Whether it's with me or not, the most important thing is is that she is happy. I just really don't want her to cut me out of her life like this. She doesn't realise how much it hurts. Overnight weve gone from best friends and totally in love to being so distant, it just feels unnatural. When she came round it felt right. She help my hand and it just felt right. I just don't know what else I could have done to make it different. All I keep thinking is is that it's my fault and I could have prevented this.

 

I also considered talking to her mom about everything. I've told her sisters boyfriend and he's kept it to himself, but I don't know whether to talk to her mom or sister. I'm not sure she would appreciate it. God I feel so stupid. I went to a massive effort last night. I decorated my room with Lindt chocs, made them into stars and hung them from our ceiling, turned the lights off put our song on, made everything perfect. I just don't know why I did it. I don't know what I aimed to achieve with it. Now I feel like an idiot.

Edited March 13, 2010 by thehypemachine

[Crusoe]

She knows she is bipolar yet doesn't take medication, that is her choice, her responsibilty. None of this is your fault, neither is it your responsibilty and you could not have prevented it. Remember that, drill it into your head and don't forget. Its not your fault.

 

I was going to write you a long reply but on second thoughts I decided against it. Instead I recommend you go to a bipolar forum and seek advice there.

 

Look after yourself fella.

[thehypemachine]

Thanks a lot, I really do appreciate it an awful lot.

 

Well, her sister called me today trying to find out what was going on. Turns out the whole family is pretty devestated by it, but my ex herself has been pretty straight faced and adament not to talk about it, acting like it never happened. Her sister told me to go around to her one of the days in the week and try and talk to her because she believes that it hasn't sunk in that I'm actually gone yet, and that she thinks she needs a couple of days to think straight again. She told me not to give in so I really don't know what to do. I think I might tell her about her bipolar though, her sister is a pyschologist so she could help her loads.

[Crusoe]

I think I might tell her about her bipolar though, her sister is a pyschologist so she could help her loads.

 

That sound like a good idea, somebody else should know about your girls troubles, its a lot for you to carry alone and she can probaby give you some good advice too.

 

Remember to look after yourself, eat properly and sleep well, if your girl decides to come back you will have to be the strong one. In the meantime be strong for yourself.

 

Take care

[thehypemachine]

Sigh, well, we just spoke and she basically said it's never going to happen between us and she's been feeling the way she does for a while. She said she doesn't love me and probably never will again. I guess we both just want different things.

 

I'm pretty destroyed by it all to be honest. I'd convinced myself we could do it again if we tried hard enough, and, well. Doesn't look like it will.

[orangelondon]

I think the people on MD Junction which has a bipolar support group can help you through this. From what i understand this is typical bipolar behaviour and bipolar suffers will say all kinds of things that for the most part are untrue, including that they don't love you anymore, it can be part of the illness. I think will be able to give you good advice

[Crusoe]

MD Junction is a good place with good people, you should give it a try Rich.

[thehypemachine]

Right guys, thanks a lot, but I'd desided to leave it and just let her get on with it, I really don't see the point, she's been nothing but horrible to me since we broke up and I'm sick of her talking to me like she does!

 

She text me this morning saying she needed to bring my stuff round (more apparantly) and she called to ask what I needed. To be honest I feel like I'd been doing so well until then and I just cried on the phone. I couldn't help it. It just hurt so much to hear her voice again. Anyway, she came over and I walked halfway up the road to hers so she didn't have to turn around up my road and I got in the car and I just melted. Ended up hugging her again, I tried to kiss her but the thing is she went to kiss me back, like it was the natural thing to do and then realised she couldn't. She then started getting upset saying that she's sorry for everything etc, and I just turned around and said 'Well stop bieng an idiot then and come back?' and she said 'Why would I want to be with someone I'm not happy with?'. To be honest by that point I'd had enough and I told her I give up and that it isn't worth it. She looked devestated and I walked away.

 

When I got back I realised she hasn't paid me all the money she owes me, so now I'm going to have to get in touch with her yet again to get it back. I just feel like I'm being tortured by her at the moment, what is she actually playing at?

 

Oh and, we had gone the last 3 days NC in case anyone was wondering.

Edited March 17, 2010 by thehypemachine