millie.bradford Posted March 11, 2010 Posted March 11, 2010 I've been dating my boyfriend for about 2.5 years; he's traveling for work and I am in grad school so we're long distance right now. We're very close and plan on getting engaged when I'm out of school. My problem is that his job is very demanding and time consuming. Although my classes are very stressful and demanding as well, a student's schedule is always a little easier than a working schedule. I have found that I'm always the one sitting around and waiting for his phone calls. I'm always asking him to call more often, or write e-mails more often. It's so hard on my self-esteem when I feel like he is annoyed with me or feels like I am nagging about these issues...when all I want is some more of his time. We have argued about this so often that he is fed up with my complaints. He keeps reminding me that this job is only temporary and that he won't always be this busy. But I feel slighted, and I want him to squeeze me into his schedule no matter how busy he is. When he chooses to go out with his coworkers on weekends instead of staying in and talking to me, I feel like he doesn't want my company. I want to go back to the way it was when we started dating; he couldn't wait to call me, and I felt like I had more control. I was the one who didn't pick up his calls once in a while, and I was the one who was too busy. Now I feel like a needy girl who has been reduced to crying and pleading for his time. Help?
hoping2heal Posted March 11, 2010 Posted March 11, 2010 You mention that you used to "just not pick up the phone sometimes." That is game playing. Do you believe the reason he is acting the way he is, is because he is playing games with you?
Barky Posted March 13, 2010 Posted March 13, 2010 I felt like I had more control. I was the one who didn't pick up his calls once in a while Wow, manipulate much?
Peaceandlove Posted March 13, 2010 Posted March 13, 2010 You guys shouldn't pick on the little things she mentions on her post...try to look at the big picture. I think LDRs are really hard! Congrats for sticking to it and I hope you guys have an end date for when your relationship is no longer a long distance one. I think you should keep yourself busy and don't underestimate your time- its as valuable as his and grad school can be quite tough! So I would say focus a bit more on yourself and your well-being and do things that you find exciting on the weekends rather that expect him to forgo his outings with coworkers to stay in and talk with you...just make it very clear to him that your time is as valuable as his and if he wants to make this relationship work he needs to be more attentive BUT be assertive and firm when you do this- don't cry and be sorry for yourself because then he's not gonna take you seriously The thing about 'control' that you mentioned is true- in any relationship one is in control at different points in time. And in this case you've handed him over the control of your relationship by being too emotional and not assertive enough I wish you all the best! Keep us posted as to how things turn out
craw Posted March 13, 2010 Posted March 13, 2010 When he chooses to go out with his coworkers on weekends instead of staying in and talking to me, I feel like he doesn't want my company. seriously wtf. is there a reason why you aren't going out with your friends?
phineas Posted March 13, 2010 Posted March 13, 2010 "control" & "relationship" are two words that should never go together.
BettyBoop Posted March 13, 2010 Posted March 13, 2010 But I feel slighted, and I want him to squeeze me into his schedule no matter how busy he is. When he chooses to go out with his coworkers on weekends instead of staying in and talking to me, I feel like he doesn't want my company. I think you need to have an honest chat with him where you simply say that you want to be an active part of his life. Perhaps plan that you every day call each other for 30 mins before bedtime or something? How often do you see each other? Just because we wants to go out doesn't mean he does not want your company. It just means he wants to go out and socialise once in a while - however, if he never wants to spend the evenings with you I would start to worry. He should have the time to squeeze you in even if it is a 10 min phone call. There is excuse for that. Good luck and remember to communicate. Rather than saying "this is how it is" you say "this is how I feel". It will come across as less aggressive.
2sunny Posted March 13, 2010 Posted March 13, 2010 how about advice and self-righteousness ?! geeez, pandl - are you always so critical and condescending? how about a few solutions here - that would help more than this attitude... to the OP - stay busy and get interested in a few hobbies - make a few new friends. that ought to balance out your time and waiting around for him to call you. in the meantime - you'll be having more fun and have things to chat with him about when he does reach you.
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