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Dumpers vs. Dumpees: Could you/ would you be friends with your EX?

hellopeople

By hellopeople
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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hellopeople Member

hellopeople

Posted
Posted

Were you the dumper or dumpee?

 

What was the cause of the break up?

 

Could you see yourself being friends with your EX? Why/ why not?

 

___________

I was the dumpee.

 

Cause of breakup: Unknown to me. Going great, then out of the blue, it ended. Seems he had a ton of “issues” he had to work out on his own – afraid of commitment, not a good person, too immature… the list goes on.

 

Be their friend: No. Why should I be friends with someone who completely destroyed my trust in them? They don’t deserve it.

AgeOfUninnocence Member

AgeOfUninnocence

Posted
Posted

Were you the dumper or dumpee?

Dumpee

 

What was the cause of the break up?

My ex says it's because of the 2 hour distance of colleges and that he realized he just loves me as a best friend. However, I'm pretty sure the real reason is that he met some girl at his college and decided to leave me for her, since they were dating like 2 days after our break up.

 

Could you see yourself being friends with your EX? Why/ why not?

Oh gosh. I don't even know. It's been two months since I last saw him since we went back to college, but one month since the breakup. We were close friends for 7 months or so before we dated, and we hang out in the same small group of friends that hang out allll the time. My ex is claiming he really, really still wants to be friends, but so far his actions of not contacting me are speaking for themselves. We're bound to see each other during summer though, so I'll let you guys know. If anything, all I'm feeling at the moment is casual aquaintence.

OOReeee Established Member

OOReeee

Posted
Posted

Were you the dumper or dumpee?

Dumpee

 

What was the cause of the break up?

She said she is going through issues and she didn't want to drag me down with her. She said that we don't communicate well and she cares for me.

 

Could you see yourself being friends with your EX? Why/ why not?

Right now- no way. She REALLY wants to be friends and thinks that I am childish for going NC on her but I just want my broken heart to heal. I found out about a lot of dishonesties and her dating someone a day after dumping me and besides, we are extremely different, just had good chemistry, so unless she grows up, the answer is no.

rand0m Established Member

rand0m

Posted
Posted

Were you the dumper or dumpee?

Dumpee

 

What was the cause of the break up?

She said she "fell out of love". I suspect it's because she's stressed, confused, and probably found some sort of attraction to another guy.

 

Could you see yourself being friends with your EX? Why/ why not?

Eventually, yes. Well, at least I hope so. After 5 years I'd hate to lose her completely, but I need to get over her first.

I'm mad about the break-up, she hurt me, but I can see her side. I just resent the fact that she didn't communicate effectively and try to work through stuff together. In any case, I love her and care about her, and even if I can't have her, I don't want to lose that connection for good.

bluestraps Established Member

bluestraps

Posted
Posted

I'm the DUMPEE:

 

 

There were many circumstances that led to it, But the main reason is her feeling lonely and that I didnt have time for our relationship. This led to a emotional relationship with someone else that turned into her cheating on me .

 

She also said that I didnt give her a reason to love me, although we did spend 10 years together. She and I did love each other, I know she did and I did, but sometimes people see different things. And we were not communicating efectivly

 

 

 

At first I could not see it . The only way I could is if her present relationship ends. She has been contacting me , and I think she cant seem to let me go totaly . So at present I'm hoping for a new begining.

 

So right now the emotions for both of us are still to raw to be friends at this point

bluestraps Established Member

bluestraps

Posted
Posted

IN adittion . If there is no hate or bad felings . It may be possible for exes to be friends.

pureinheart Established Member

pureinheart

Posted
Posted

Were you the dumper or dumpee?

Dumper

 

What was the cause of the break up?

I know he's not ready for a R, at least not the kind I need...he just went through a D so he's a little messed up, and I was messed up with him for a while.

 

Could you see yourself being friends with your EX?

Maybe someday, I'm a bit numb right now..lol. I need time to get my head back on straight.

nowomanocry Established Member

nowomanocry

Posted
Posted

Were you the dumper or dumpee?

Dumpee, still butt hurts lol

 

What was the cause of the break up?

She finding another fella, setting the grounds for a break-up and leaving me ... So all planned

 

Could you see yourself being friends with your EX? Why/ why not?

No because she drained me financially and emotionally, during the last 6-7 months of our relationship cheated on me, lied on many occasions and this I found out spying her facebook. She wants to be friends with me, I think because she knows I know all about her and prolly scared that I might reveal her shiat to her her new fella and friends (I think they already started fighting anyway lol because prolly she hid the fact that she was with me before her)

 

Wot a joke! lmao

Sadbutrelieved Established Member

Sadbutrelieved

Posted
Posted

Were you the dumper or dumpee?

 

Dumpee.

 

What was the cause of the break up?

 

I started taking up for myself as far as his antisocial behaviors go so he went out and found someone else who was ignorant of his ways so he could start over.

 

Could you see yourself being friends with your EX? Why/ why not?

 

No, absolutely not. I have other exes over the years whom I've remained friends with, but not this one. He's a sociopath loser and pathological liar. He would only use my friendship to weasel money or something else that suited him at the moment out of me. He's got someone else fooled now, so he doesn't need me, and I don't need any "friend" like that.

Ingenue Established Member

Ingenue

Posted
Posted

Were you the dumper or dumpee?

Dumpee

 

What was the cause of the break up?

He said the spark died after five years together and that it wasn't either of our fault. I think it was because he met another woman, whom he promptly starting dating days after he broke up with me through email (though I suspect now that he was already dating her when he broke up with me).

 

Could you see yourself being friends with your EX? Why/ why not?

When the break-up first happened, I thought I could be friends with him. But as more time passed, and he just became somebody I once dated, I realized I had no desire to have him or his selfishness in my life. The last time we spoke, he called to fish for information about my status and complain about his current relationship (the woman he most likely cheated on me with). I now see what an emotionally stunted person he is. He has no remorse for any of his actions, nor feels like he has to apologize for anything. I don't want that type of person in my life.

bananaboat11 Established Member

bananaboat11

Posted
Posted

My 2 LTR relationships... women I definitely cared about... 1, I was in 14 months. I as dumped over a religion difference of opinion and how our children would be raised if we had them... 1.4 years later after no contact.. she came back to me for a friendship. We're good friends now. Yeah, I cared about her. I missed her. do I see a new relationship? No. It's been 3 years since we've been together. I still love her as a person.

 

Other LTR was ~7months... complicated breakup, but I dumped her. 7 months post-NC I broke the NC... she was so happy. Now we're really close and afraid of losing eachother... it's been a year since our breakup, too. Just saw her this past weekend in NYC. A lot fun.

 

Are we ready for a rekindling of a relationship now? No. Future? Maybe. Yes, we talked about it.

 

Most recent breakup... I was her rebound... 4.5 month sexcapade... will I ever consider speaking with her again... NEVER. Not how she left off with me.

just1guy Established Member

just1guy

Posted
Posted

Were you the dumper or dumpee?

dumpee

 

What was the cause of the break up?

she felt something was missing after two years and felt she was meant to be single

 

Could you see yourself being friends with your EX? Why/ why not?

No. She obviously lied and went into another relationship two weeks after we broke up. She leads her guy friends along until they admit their feelings for her, then she ends it. She'd rather run away from a conflict than to work at it. She She doesn't deserve my attention or friendship.

Ilovecake Established Member

Ilovecake

Posted
Posted (edited)

Were you the dumper or dumpee?

Dumpee I guess, he said the final words but I started the conversation.

 

What was the cause of the break up?

Too many years of incompatibility plus he was a big douchenozzle.

 

Could you see yourself being friends with your EX? Why/ why not?

No, never, no way, no how. For reason see above.

Edited by Ilovecake
nowomanocry Established Member

nowomanocry

Posted
Posted

upto u wot u gona be with ur ex in the future

 

even get 'em back , be fook mates woteva lol

LovelyDaze Established Member

LovelyDaze

Posted
Posted

Not until I can get to a place of being indifferent. Meaning, I could care less if my ex is dating someone else or not. If I still have feelings if forlorn love, then no way.

ADF Established Member

ADF

Posted
Posted

Trying to be friends with an ex is usually a bad idea. Very bad. There are occasional exceptions, but not many.

 

Let's face it, the reason most dumpees agree to "stay friends" is becuase they are secretly hoping to get back together at some point. The reason most dumpers do it is because they think it is less cruel than breaking off all contact.

 

But it is actually more cruel. Having to deal, day in and day out, with someone who broke your heart is sheer torture. The best things to do is break off all contact for at least sxin months--a year would be better. If, during that time, you BOTH end up with new people, then maybe--MAYBE--you can try to be friends.

HeavenOrHell Established Member

HeavenOrHell

Posted
Posted

Were you the dumper or dumpee?

Dumpee

What was the cause of the break up?

Reason given; neglect, but think there were other reasons that he is denying to himself and me. Together 18 years.

Could you see yourself being friends with your EX? Why/ why not?

Not straight away, tried for 6 months but it was too painful as I still had feelings for him. I am moving on now we have been NC for 5 weeks. I hope after a few months we can attempt friendship, but it may only be possible if I am with someone else by then. If he is now with an ex friend of mine, which is highly possible, then the hurt will be too much I think and friendship will not be possible.

HeavenOrHell Established Member

HeavenOrHell

Posted
Posted

Agree totally with this post. Tried to stay friends but I still had feelings for him, and yes hoped we could try again.

Feel MUCH better for going NC, he was very keen to stay in touch but respected my wishes.

I would like to be friends in time as we get on so bloody well! But it will take months and yes I would probably need to be with someone else for it to be ok.

 

 

Trying to be friends with an ex is usually a bad idea. Very bad. There are occasional exceptions, but not many.

 

Let's face it, the reason most dumpees agree to "stay friends" is becuase they are secretly hoping to get back together at some point. The reason most dumpers do it is because they think it is less cruel than breaking off all contact.

 

But it is actually more cruel. Having to deal, day in and day out, with someone who broke your heart is sheer torture. The best things to do is break off all contact for at least sxin months--a year would be better. If, during that time, you BOTH end up with new people, then maybe--MAYBE--you can try to be friends.

Kristine Established Member

Kristine

Posted
Posted

Were you the dumper or dumpee?

Dumpee

 

What was the cause of the break up?

He said he couldn't commit and didn't see himself as relationship material basically.

Could you see yourself being friends with your EX? Why/ why not?

No because I love him and it'll better to never see him again. Even though I wish I could.

USMCHokie Established Member

USMCHokie

Posted
Posted

Were you the dumper or dumpee?

 

Dumpee

 

 

What was the cause of the break up?

 

She didn't want to be with me anymore.

 

 

Could you see yourself being friends with your EX? Why/ why not?

 

As much as I would love to be friends with her, I don't think I could. I would rather just cherish the memory I have of her and leave it at that.

onetoughkitty Member

onetoughkitty

Posted
Posted

Were you the dumper or dumpee?

Dumpee... I think... well, I told him to get the F*** out of the house... so maybe I am the dumper

 

 

What was the cause of the break up?

Other chick, anger issues, his inability to put any effort into anything

 

Could you see yourself being friends with your EX? Why/ why not?

LOL... sure but this guy doesn't even talk to his own family... i'm just bracing for the day he forgets he has a daughter... horrible.

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