jennyc33 Posted March 11, 2010 Posted March 11, 2010 I started dating this guy a few weeks ago. Until this week he's been very forward in how much he likes me - and in both words & actions. I really thought this could be something very special, which I haven't felt in ages. Last time I felt this way was 8 years ago. We've seen each other every 2 or 3 days since we met. Saturday was the last time, so it hasn't been very long. So that's all the good stuff, and now onto why I'm on this forum - this week he's been very distant. He'll be online on gmail but not chat with me. If I start a chat it might take him an hour or two to respond to a simple "hey" even though I see he's online & active. He hasn't started any text conversations, but he responds to mine - just slower than he used to. He's a shy guy, so at first I just thought maybe he was putting himself out there so much that I needed to show I was as into him, but at this point now I'm thinking maybe I'm coming across as needy. It's so hard to know what is the right balance for guys. He also had a death of a grandparent last weekend, so maybe that's causing the distance? I don't know how men deal with that type of thing. Can someone really go from telling you they've never liked someone this much, to just not caring at all in a matter of a few days? I mean he was starting contact practically everyday, and we'd talk for a while, but this week he just replies with tiny quick comments & that's it. Oh, and I forgot to mention he doesn't want to sleep together because he says it wrecks relationships when you do it too soon, so it's not because he's gotten in my pants, but he's also not gay I can tell you that much! So what's the deal? I'm not going to contact him again and I'll wait & see if he starts something with me, but I'm just pretty depressed right now at losing so quickly what I thought was really great. I just want to skip the waiting & wondering stage & just know if he's ditching me or I'm just crazy. I'd love some dudes perspectives on this.
marsle85 Posted March 11, 2010 Posted March 11, 2010 After a few weeks of successful dating, (during the confusing stage) men often will take a step back. They're like rubberbands. You can't go to him. He's thinking about if he really is interested in you, if he wants to abandon his freedom, etc. He will stretch away, but give him enough time - he'll come back. If you pursue, there is no healthy tension. By this I mean, give him a chance to miss you. He will return. Just do not contact him. Give him time.
counterman Posted March 11, 2010 Posted March 11, 2010 Hi there and welcome to LS! It depends on the person how they deal with the death of a loved one. Personally, I would try and find comfort in my significant other and just talk her about it. In saying that, I know others who would much rather stick to themselves because they do not feel like talking to anyone and they do not feel like doing anything. If you had not mentioned that his grandparent passed away recently, than I would say his behaviour is hot and cold, and that should not be tolerated. This behaviour commonly occurs because a guy might feel that he came on too strong at the start so is trying to make up for that by slowing it down and making it seem as though he has other things going on in his life. However, maybe the passing of his grandparent has something to do with why he is not as enthused with you and possibly with other things as well. I recommend just giving him some space. It might hurt and it may be annoying at the time being but let him come to you. I would even suggest that you put the onus on him to contact you whenever he's ready by passing the simple message "if you ever need to talk about anything, I'm here". If/When he initiates contact again, ask him about what happened. I believe that he should provide an explanation. All the best.
Author jennyc33 Posted March 11, 2010 Author Posted March 11, 2010 thanks Marsle! That sounded very wise AND made me feel better
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