Author cuzinblack Posted March 11, 2010 Author Posted March 11, 2010 So, is this a woman trolling as a man? Subtlety, work on the subtlety.....that's a justifiable expectation for a man I can assure you guys I AM A MAN. I know folks aren't used to [us] being this honest, but I happen to be pretty honest. I thought I could be honest here and get some good feedback. Sadly I was terribly mistaken.
likestolaugh Posted March 11, 2010 Posted March 11, 2010 Did it not occur to you to take care of your gf when she wasn't feeling well? Instead of leaving?
Peaceandlove Posted March 11, 2010 Posted March 11, 2010 So yesterday comes, I get to her house much later than planned, but I get there nonetheless. We climb into bed and do the snuggle thing for a while, then Im ready to get busy but now she's feeling nauseous from something she ate earlier. You can imagine how upset or rather, disappointed I am at this point. Im sitting there hard as a rock and now this?!?!? WTF man?? I wound up just up and leaving (and I live a good 45 min from her so the fact tht I went all the way over there for nothing sucked too) Why did you leave?! You only spend the night if there's sex on the cards? How do you think she felt about that?! I'm guessing like an object?! And you didn't even stay to make sure she felt better...... I would have been pretty upset if my boyfriend pulled something like that on me! DUDE!
Dark-Farmer Posted March 11, 2010 Posted March 11, 2010 (edited) I agree with Carrie T, this is why your getting bashed Im sitting there hard as a rock and now this?!?!? WTF man?? I wound up just up and leaving (and I live a good 45 min from her so the fact tht I went all the way over there for nothing sucked too). Regardless of how you actually feel, this sentence makes you look like you view your girlfriend more of a sex object than a partner. Again i don't know how much you truly care (or don't care) for this women. But what you wrote implies very easily that "because you did not get sex, seeing your girlfriend was a waste of time". And most women would be offended that you wouldn't spend time with her regardless if you had sex or not. So perhaps a poor choice of words. But expectation and sex DO NOT merge well together. It is a very fine line and always will be. I mean if you commit to one women and already are sexually active with her, why shouldn't you have sex, right? It's not so much men "expect" or "demand" sex but more shouldn't we (both of us) want to have sex? There is some word to describe it that seems to be missing from the english language. Edited March 11, 2010 by Dark-Farmer
Author cuzinblack Posted March 11, 2010 Author Posted March 11, 2010 The reason she hold back sex is simple and reasonable. You are NOT her man yet. How do I know? by your words and comitment degree to her How do you know indeed!! So let me get this strait: by MY words and MY COMMITMENT DEGREE(Ummm, did you mean LEVEL of commitment?) that is how you know? Hmmm, curious...can you please explain to me how, just from reading my post, did you precisely measure my level of commitment to my woman?? I mean, I am assuming, from the language and disposition of your post, that you are accusing me of having a low level of commitment. Right? Still, I'm just not sure how you got that. I mean, did I cheat on her? NO. Did I abuse her in ANY way? No! So where is what you're saying even coming from? Please, explain. Because evidently, my level of commitment to my gf is extremely high! If it weren't, I would not even be here talking about this trying to sort out my emotions. I would just go somewhere else and get sex! Simple! Guess you never thought about it like that though huh? Of course not. Lets not actually THINK about why this man is even here right now, lets just totally bash him regardless! Good stuff. Thanks. Yes, you are selfish, need to man up and think of protecting and caring for her more; if not, then you shouldn't really think of the sex part with such high expectation You have a great set of magical powers on your hands...are you a mutant? Because I find it amazing how you're able to know, especially from my post, how much I care for AND/OR protect my girlfriend!
likestolaugh Posted March 11, 2010 Posted March 11, 2010 your post indicated that when she was feeling sick you were much more concerned about your own needs. That shows a low level of commitment and respect towards your gf. You asked how people were able to determine this. That's how.
CarrieT Posted March 11, 2010 Posted March 11, 2010 This thread is hilarious. The OP is so indignant that the women are all male-bashers because no one understands HIS feelings. Yet we can read through his words pretty clearly -- because we have experience in these things -- and see how the situation is going to unfold. Cuzinblack, your responses look as though you really only want someone to agree with you. Despite the vitriol in the bashing, there are messages being sent to you that you are projecting extreme selfishness, one-sightedness, and myopia. You are putting the basis of a relationship on a guy buying dinner automatically equals the woman "putting out" and on the basis of those standards, it is not surprising that you are having difficulty seeing women as potential equals in a relationship and not paid care-givers.
meerkat stew Posted March 11, 2010 Posted March 11, 2010 Of course all the bashing posters, when hoisting OP for leaving when denied sex, conveniently omit that she had denied sex for no good reason on their immediate previous date, and that she has a poor excuse for limiting sex to once or twice a week, a low frequency for a young couple. Children go -to bed- and after that, only some bogus reason prevents sex from happening in a new hot relationship. OP knows the parameters of the supposed "nausea" better than anyone here, as he witnessed it. When I have been faced with similar situations in the past, where a woman shows a pattern of denying sex, or even begins to show it, it's been due to a) she is cheating on me (her bad, not mine), b) she has lost interest and is cultivating other options while keeping me on the line while she solidifies the next thing (her bad, not mine), c) she is attempting a power/manipulation maneuver (her bad, not mine), or d) it is part of her general MO as someone who resents men generally but will do what is necesary to get a guy in the door, to reel him in (once more, her bad, not mine). It's almost never truly been whatever lie or rationalization comes out of her mouth, that she is genuinely ill, or the insipid "just not in the mood," or rather it's long odds. People can tell when someone is legitimately sick or tired, or when something else is going on. You can, I can, and I imagine OP can. Best to plan an exit strategy when these issues come up early, and regardless of their cause, OP shouldn't be treated like a leper for mistakes he CLEARLY ACKNOWLEDGES IN HIS OP and seeks to address by asking advice here. Instead he gets his name made fun of. I have a friend named Maurice, it can happen. He could be a troll, anyone could, but the troll-calling here has gotten way out of hand, and from posters I normally respect. But of course, as in most other male/female issues discussed here, there is no fault on the part of the woman possible, no way in which she might be in the wrong here in some way, that she may be cheating, stringing OP along, manipulating OP. That's just not a possibility, right? It's always 100% male fault, and that's why women get used and abused by men, this kind of ridiculous holier than thou attitude. Over time, men learn that they will lose no matter what they do, that blame will be attributed solely to them, they can't win, and this breeds a very negative attitude. Any poster who has never gotten mad over some silly thing and left an SO's house for sexual or whatever reason that turned out to be an overreaction, feel free to cast the first stone... thought not. I have certainly made that mistake in the past, and every poster to this thread has done likewise. And god forbid a man ever denies sex to a woman or turns her down. I have had countless occasions when women pitch a tantrum when I am genuinely ill. One woman I was dating came to my house uninvited when I had a 102 fever and wouldn't take no for an answer, whining like a teenage boy until she got what she wanted. In that state, I lasted all of a minute, and she had the nerve to complain about it. If I posted a thread describing that instance in detail, I am quite sure a chorus of "Ohh, never deny a woman sex," or "My feelings get hurt if I am ever denied," would quickly raise up. BTW, as I found out later, she had had a steamy lunch with the guy she was soon to start cheating on me with and came to my house to fantasize about him while using my body. I'm sure though, that due to some flaw in female logic, I was at fault in that situation somehow. But of course there are different rules, and if a man ever gives a hint of being as selfish as the average woman is each and every day of her life, he becomes a felon. I think I understand the logic now. :lmao:
Stung Posted March 11, 2010 Posted March 11, 2010 Sorry, man. You can attempt to dazzle us with your "supremacy" all you like but it doesn't negate the fact that showing up late for your date, finding out that your girlfriend is sick and wants to spend quality time cuddling with you, getting your Jockeys in a twist about it and leaving is, well, douchey behavior. Most women who are sick and wanting comfort and snuggletime from their boyfriend are going to be offended and hurt if the frat boy in question can't suck it up, tuck his penis away for a few hours and just be a caring person spending some quality time. If you're truly confused about the situation, pay attention to the response you've elicited from women on this board, even though you don't like it--perhaps especially because you don't like it. Personal growth is often uncomfortable, and sometimes something makes you defensive because it hits too close to home. Since women seem to be your primary target, sexually, it would behoove you to learn a little more about their emotional life. Hopefully as you mature you'll learn to take it more into consideration with subsequent girlfriends. For the record, when I was dating I never expected my boyfriends to take me shopping and pay for all my schwag because I had a job and a credit card of my own, but if you're foolish and gender-stereotyped enough to do this for women it's STILL not their job to polish your johnson when they don't feel like it. If that's the relationship you want, then yes, you should start seeing escorts. Easy peasy and probably about the same cost if you're really as free with your cash as you say. When you have sex with your girlfriend, an autonomous woman with thoughts and emotions that might occasionally not revolve around getting you off and is not actually being paid to be there, it should be because both of you love getting it on together and want to roll around getting sweaty--and ideally neither of you should feel like throwing up during the act. Now, I could sit here and pick apart your grammar all day since that seems to be something you enjoy, but I'm abandoning this thread because I choose not to stoop to feeding the same troll twice in one day. I'll leave you with this thought: your paramount problem, which comes through loud and clear in your original AND subsequent posts, is not the situation with your girlfriend nor whether you can keep it in your trunks on your vacation, it's that you don't understand or respect women in general. If you have any actual desire/motivation to figure out why situations like these crop up and leave you so desperately flummoxed, that would be the project to work on. I wish you luck with that.
Kasan Posted March 11, 2010 Posted March 11, 2010 Most women who are sick and wanting comfort and snuggle-time from their boyfriend are going to be offended and hurt if the frat-boy in question can't suck it up, tuck his penis away for a few hours and just be a caring person spending some quality time. And there you have it! I think the boys are having a wonderful time stirring the pot!
sunshinegirl Posted March 11, 2010 Posted March 11, 2010 OP, have you ever felt nauseous? What do you feel like doing when you're nauseous? Last night I got food poisoning, which included fun waves of nausea every hour or so. And if my BF had behaved with me last night, as you did with your GF, we would have had a serious issue to discuss. As it was, he was ready to rub my back and hold my hair, NOT get upset and pouty that I didn't want to knock boots with him then and there. Perhaps your (over) reaction is because you are fearing a pattern that has yet to develop. Two episodes of not having sex does not a pattern make. Last thing, I had a bad reaction to the part where you seemed to hint that you're going to stray on your trip because she denied you sex twice. Don't shift responsibility like that: If you stray on your trip, it's because you are choosing to stray. There is a cure for blue balls, you know. You only need one hand...
JohnnyBlaze Posted March 11, 2010 Posted March 11, 2010 Personally, I couldn't care less about your level of commitment or any of that; it's none of my business and not relevant to the matter at hand. To answer your questions... Were you overreacting? I think so. You were only dissed once, not twice, as you stated. One time was a legitimate and valid reason; she was nauseas. I have some pretty messed up interruptions during sex, but the worst one, bar none, is a girl throwing up during sex. Well, there was the one time I had to take my chick to the ER, but other than that, puke is definitely the top mood-killer. So be glad she didn't do anything with you that day. The theory that giving you some action before you go to the DR is going to help you not stray is really a baseless argument. Let's face it, we're guys. We wake up horny. I don't know if you're naturally the type to stray or not, and again, I don't care, but if you're in the DR partying with 20 frat boys, God-knows how many girls and the inevitable boatload of booze, no amount of pre-trip sex is going to influence you. I've seen it happen, before. I'm sure she knows it, too, which is why she's not concerned about 'loading you up' before you leave. I'd just let the whole matter go; right now, nobody owes anyone an apology. Go to the DR, have fun, be a good boy, come back and make plans with the little lady upon your return.
sweetjasmine Posted March 11, 2010 Posted March 11, 2010 And there you have it! I think the boys are having a wonderful time stirring the pot! Yeah, no kidding. My favorite detail is the "I deserve a medal for not cheating on her!!!11" attitude.
troggleputty Posted March 11, 2010 Posted March 11, 2010 IMO, if you are in a committed relationship, then you should be spending your vacation time with her, not with your frat bros. Seriously, not to be too critical of you, but can't you see the divergence between being in a loving committed relationship with someone, then telling her: "See ya, going to party in the DR for a week with my bros." That's basically telling her that you don't really love her at all, you will be trying to hook up with other girls etc. You know that; she knows that; everyone knows that. Why should she want to be affectionate with you? Make a choice, man. Make a choice.
Ronni_W Posted March 11, 2010 Posted March 11, 2010 1st, can you please explain to me what the hell a "wounded ego" has to do with "Blue balls"??? How does my wanting to have sex with my woman equate to my ego? You whined, "at least make it SEEM like you give a crap" -- that sentiment comes from a hurt ego, not from blue balls. ("Blue Balls" uses a MUCH different vocabulary, in my experience ) How you phrased it, is just a different way of saying, "she didn't give a crap about me / my sexual needs / my aching balls" (or, "she didn't APPEAR to give a crap about it.") Anyway it's sliced, still nothing more than "poor me"/victim mentality. Which is ego. Wanting to have sex is obviously a normal and natural desire. Feeling sorry for one's self when one does not get it...that's something else. Ok, so then if YOUR man takes YOU out shopping, then to dinner and dancing; do you not expect him to pay for it all?? Of course you do. cuz, do you get it wrong much? I find it...amusing that you believe you could possibly know what I (or anyone else) might expect in ANY given situation. Are you recognizing that it shows ignorance and arrogance on your part? In any event. To me, your gender does not matter: the sentiment and choice of words (in the original post) would have elicited the same response from me. That is, I didn't, and don't see it as a "gender thing" but as one specific individual's (misguided) ideas of the subject matter -- doesn't at all matter if those ideas belong to a girl or a boy.
Author cuzinblack Posted March 11, 2010 Author Posted March 11, 2010 You know what, thinking of it- I want to give you a detailed description of WHY having sex with you is not close to being a priority to her: Oh yes my favorite post-person! YES, please tell me exactly why having sex with me is not close to being a priority for MY gf...since you happen to know sooooo much about the both of us AND, clearly are an expert on everything relating to love (oh AND the English language too!) Ew. Hey hun, you gotta stop looking in the mirror so much! From a man who says "I'm in love with her" Let me get this straight. You huffed off and paced the living room because she didn't give you what you wanted, when you wanted it? "Huffed"? No. I went into the living room because 1) I wasnt tired and she wasa dead asleep. 2) I was clearly disappointed so instead of remaining in bed next to her getting even MORE excited, I decided to remove myself from the bed so I could calm down. Lesson? Get your facts strait before bursting into a world of hate and slur-throwing. STOP assuming the worst and just ASK first! Her second mistake, first being dating you. hahaha nice. Nasty little runt aren't ya! What? I said RUNT! I see. You let her off the hook because you already booked an hour with her (devoted to your carnal needs) in a few days. Again, not that cut and dry. But of course, leave it to Dr. Ruth-LESS to come up with the perfect description of my intent! Wonderful! She's sick of feeling used. You arrive late- aka, the only reason you showed was to rush this so-called "snuggle thing" and are pissed because she doesn't jump to your command. Ummm, are you a part of our relationship Dr. Ruthless?? Have you ANY idea at all what I do or provide for my gf??? I'm really curious to know how it is that you could POSSIBLY know that my gf is feeling used?? Am I to assume that because a man, a MONOGAMOUS man, wants to have sex with his woman, that this means he is automatically using her??? Then again, I shouldn't blame you. I mean, you sound (and look) just like the type of person who doesnt really have much more to offer than sex, so naturally it is really YOU who feels used when a man tries to get it from you. Understandable. But please do not insert your own ridiculous insecurities onto my (or any other for that matter) woman. She DOES NOT feel used by me. The root of all hurt is blue balls. I get it. Do you get Doc? I'm not sure ya do. You seem like that type of chick that would purposely blue-ball a guy and get some sort of sick kick out of it. You are seriously such a dick. And you're seriously such a BITCH so I guess that makes us even, no? Actually I'm lying, it doesnt make us even because I'm really NOT a dick. See, a real dick would have left and not actually CARE that he did, and not even think about what he was doing or QUESTION his behavior like I'M doing. I'm just a guy who is trying to be honest and yes, may have used the wrong language in his posting to describe his feelings but nonetheless, DOES care and IS trying to do the right thing. But since you're a bitch regardless of my posting, I guess it doesnt really matter how I would have said what I said...you still would come at me like you have which makes you waaaay different from me. So no, we are NOT even. I really have no words for how disgustingly retarded you are. I'm serious, you have no class, respect or IQ. Again, I find this really interesting coming from a chick who has more grammatical errors in her posts than a friggin George W. Bush speech! And are you really talking to me about intelligence quotient? Dude, you're a blonde. Nuff said. Save the big words when you can compose a sentence without four exclamation marks. Really? lol whatever Dr. Ruthless By the way, welcome to LS. And what a great welcome it was-especially thanks to folks like you Dr. Ruthless! So nice to know people like you exist to make all of our lives that much more miserable!
Els Posted March 11, 2010 Posted March 11, 2010 So you're committed and loving, and NOT using her mm? Okay, go ahead. Tell us what you've done to show her you're committed and loving. Tell us what you've done for her.
Author cuzinblack Posted March 11, 2010 Author Posted March 11, 2010 She sounds passive aggressive.. Instead of straight up telling you the trip will bother her, she is denying you sex. Makes sense but I really dont think the trip has anything to do with it. I dont get the vibe that she has any issues with the trip at all. But thanks for the comment.
Author cuzinblack Posted March 11, 2010 Author Posted March 11, 2010 Why did you leave?! You only spend the night if there's sex on the cards? How do you think she felt about that?! I'm guessing like an object?! And you didn't even stay to make sure she felt better...... I would have been pretty upset if my boyfriend pulled something like that on me! DUDE! It's not like that...I never sleep over her house during the week because her son is there and he does not know about me yet so we kind of keep it a secret from him for now. So I always leave anyway. However, like I said in my posting, I still felt that maybe I WAS being selfish for leaving earlier than usual. But I was being honest about that in order to get some positive feedback not to be persecuted for it. My mistake I guess.
Author cuzinblack Posted March 11, 2010 Author Posted March 11, 2010 Did it not occur to you to take care of your gf when she wasn't feeling well? Instead of leaving? Of COURSE it occured to me! What the hell do you people think I'm doing here??? lol THAT IS WHY I AM HERE! I'm feeling guilty for that...and I came on here for support but instead keep getting persecution.
Author cuzinblack Posted March 11, 2010 Author Posted March 11, 2010 your post indicated that when she was feeling sick you were much more concerned about your own needs. That shows a low level of commitment and respect towards your gf. You asked how people were able to determine this. That's how. Maybe. Like I said in a previous posting, YES my language does seem to portray certain characteristics about a personality HOWEVER, I also tried to make it clear that I was just being extremely honest with HOW I FELT AT THE MOMENT. It DOES NOT illustrate how I ALWAYS feel NOR does it illustrate my entire personality! sSheesh! And I dont care WHAT it says..no way can ANYONE measure my level of commitment to my gf based on ANYTHING I said in my post. Because commitment is developed over TIME, and it is strictly relative. So how can you or anyone else on this thing TRULY measure something that is so volatile and relative? Its simply not possible. Further, had I really not had any concern for my gf, I would simply not have been here in the first place...and I would not have any remorse whatsoever. So I will have to once again disagree with that.
Author cuzinblack Posted March 11, 2010 Author Posted March 11, 2010 Personally, I couldn't care less about your level of commitment or any of that; it's none of my business and not relevant to the matter at hand. To answer your questions... Were you overreacting? I think so. You were only dissed once, not twice, as you stated. One time was a legitimate and valid reason; she was nauseas. I have some pretty messed up interruptions during sex, but the worst one, bar none, is a girl throwing up during sex. Well, there was the one time I had to take my chick to the ER, but other than that, puke is definitely the top mood-killer. So be glad she didn't do anything with you that day. The theory that giving you some action before you go to the DR is going to help you not stray is really a baseless argument. Let's face it, we're guys. We wake up horny. I don't know if you're naturally the type to stray or not, and again, I don't care, but if you're in the DR partying with 20 frat boys, God-knows how many girls and the inevitable boatload of booze, no amount of pre-trip sex is going to influence you. I've seen it happen, before. I'm sure she knows it, too, which is why she's not concerned about 'loading you up' before you leave. I'd just let the whole matter go; right now, nobody owes anyone an apology. Go to the DR, have fun, be a good boy, come back and make plans with the little lady upon your return. Thanks bro. Everything you said makes sense to me. THANK YOU for not persecuting me but rather, understanding what I'm going through and REALIZING that my intent is to NOT cheat and NOT be an ass...not TO be one! THIS is why I came here, to get POSITIVE advice, not mean and vicious judgments to what I did or didnt do! Thanks again.
Author cuzinblack Posted March 11, 2010 Author Posted March 11, 2010 IMO, if you are in a committed relationship, then you should be spending your vacation time with her, not with your frat bros. Seriously, not to be too critical of you, but can't you see the divergence between being in a loving committed relationship with someone, then telling her: "See ya, going to party in the DR for a week with my bros." That's basically telling her that you don't really love her at all, you will be trying to hook up with other girls etc. You know that; she knows that; everyone knows that. Why should she want to be affectionate with you? Make a choice, man. Make a choice. Thanks for the reply but, I'm not sure you read my entire post. I mentioned that I had this trip planned and fully paid for BEFORE I hooked up with her. Its a VERY expensive trip despite the fact that its in DR. I'm not about to cancel it and nor does she want me to. We trust each other and thats all that should matter. Make no mistake, I HAVE NOT been unfaithful to her NOR do I plan to. I was just trying to be HONEST about the temptations and how difficult it will be out there, thats all. Should I have lied and been like, "oh its nothing there will no temptations at all because I am beyond human and could never ever even think about straying!"??? Thats not true and not plausible. It would defeat the purpose of coming on here expecting honest feedback. Right? T
Author cuzinblack Posted March 11, 2010 Author Posted March 11, 2010 So you're committed and loving, and NOT using her mm? Okay, go ahead. Tell us what you've done to show her you're committed and loving. Tell us what you've done for her. 1st and foremost, that would entail me proving myself to a bunch of strangers, most of whom seem to be out to kill and judge me not support me anyway which makes me feel much less like they even deserve such an explanation...so ummm, no. Just take my word for it. I've been nothing but brutally honest with you guys (a choice which seems to have gotten me into the most trouble) thus far. There is no reason for you to doubt my declarations now.
Mme. Chaucer Posted March 11, 2010 Posted March 11, 2010 Well, OP ... No matter how you try to backpedal, your original post did not portray you very well. The understanding I got was that she has a hot bod and is good at sex, and for these reasons you MIGHT not cheat on her; also that your potential faithfulness (which I gather from your post you have yet to experience in your life) is dependent upon how well she "takes care" of you & your needs. I hope that she expects a lot more from a relationship, and for your own sake I also hope that you are able to give it.
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