kimbop Posted March 11, 2010 Posted March 11, 2010 I've known this guy for ten (10) years. He happens to be one of my older brother's best friends. After I moved into my new place, he started to randomly text me. Two weeks ago I asked him to put together some furniture for me, which he immediately texted back that he would. The next day he insisted on coming over to see if I had the right tools. I thought it was stupid because I told him I had everything and had a power drill. He came over anyway, being very insistent and we hung out. Two days later he messaged that he wanted to come over again to look over the instructions. I was like...okay... sure. I didn't know why but he came over again but we hung out. We started to message each other the following few days and he asked me out to dinner and movie but I had something to do so I invited him. I had no idea he was interested until later that night he was very clear that he was. A few days later, he invited me to go to a flower show, and we had some nosh afterwards. Of course we fooled around.... so I thought ok we're starting to date, which he definitely wanted. He was suppose to come over for dinner last friday but I had to cancel because I had a very busy weekend. He called Saturday and Sunday. Monday, 2 days ago, came around I messaged him to see how he was. He responded but with only one word responses. Today I messaged while at work to wish him a Happy Birthday which he responded with Thanks and that's it. I asked him if I will see him soon, he just replied with "we'll figure it out." I haven't just met him. I've known him for years. And my brother is very protective of me and understandably he wouldn't just fool around with me like this. However I feel like he just doesn't want to see anymore. I don't understand after he put all this effort into starting something. Is he just not into me anymore? What the hell is going on with this man's mind? I'm a little confused. Should I call him? What should I say?
marsle85 Posted March 11, 2010 Posted March 11, 2010 The problem is - there's nothing you can do. He knows you're interested. It's his turn. You need to keep mystery on your side. DO NOT CALL HIM. Wait. Wait. Wait.
mella Posted March 11, 2010 Posted March 11, 2010 Did you speak to him when he called on Saturday and Sunday?
Author kimbop Posted March 11, 2010 Author Posted March 11, 2010 Yes I did talk to him on Saturday and Sunday. Actually he had to go to my brother's bachelor night outing (my brother's getting married) that night. So of course I didn't see him this past weekend. I will see him again obviously since I'm the maid of honor in the wedding. So why would he disassociate himself with me? He doesn't want to lose my brother's friendship. That's for sure. He knew the consequences going into this. He knows my brother's temperment and his protective streak.
mella Posted March 11, 2010 Posted March 11, 2010 Hmm, I was thinking maybe he felt like YOU were blowing him off, but since you talked to him, I don't think that's the case. I agree, these actions don't make a lot of sense, so since we don't know what he is thinking I guess you need to lay low like the other poster suggested and see how it plays out. You contacted him Monday, leave it at that. Is it possible that your brother is not okay with him dating you and said something at the bachelor party?
Author kimbop Posted March 11, 2010 Author Posted March 11, 2010 Actually my mother was throwing me to him for years which I adamantly refused. My brother even suggested to him that he should date me a few years back knowing he was a good guy. He knows all this. He's the one who admitted it. I was the one who suggested we don't tell my brother and indirectly my mom or else she'll be out looking for wedding dresses for me tomorrow. My mom's nuts and wants me to marry ASAP. I'm not a young girl. I'm 31 and he's 35. He told me several times this past summer that he was ready to settle down. The second time he came over, all he ever talked about was having sex here and there. I gave him the crazy look like he was nuts. I'm a little obtuse when it comes to dating too...... that's why I need advice. I hang out with too many gay men.
mella Posted March 11, 2010 Posted March 11, 2010 I think you should wait to hear from him, but when you do, just tell calmly tell him how you feel and see what he has to say. You've known him for a long time, so I think you should feel comfortable being upfront.
Author kimbop Posted March 11, 2010 Author Posted March 11, 2010 Mella, Thanks so much. You're right. It just sucks to wait around to be rejected. I hate to wait. And I told him last week during our date that I'll take him out this weekend to celebrate his birthday and he agreed to it but have yet to tell me which day was good for him. Thanks for your advice.
mella Posted March 11, 2010 Posted March 11, 2010 I am sure waiting sucks. Do something nice for yourself this evening. Occupy your mind. You've done nothing wrong, so don't spend time analyzing. Be sure to let us know what comes of it - and best wishes...
threebyfate Posted March 11, 2010 Posted March 11, 2010 He was suppose to come over for dinner last friday but I had to cancel because I had a very busy weekend. He called Saturday and Sunday. The second time he came over, all he ever talked about was having sex here and there. I gave him the crazy look like he was nuts. I'm a little obtuse when it comes to dating too...... that's why I need advice. I hang out with too many gay men.Is it possible that he thought he would get into your pants on Friday night? The discussion about sex, before you even start dating, concerns me.
Author kimbop Posted March 11, 2010 Author Posted March 11, 2010 Is it possible that he thought he would get into your pants on Friday night? The discussion about sex, before you even start dating, concerns me. I doubt it. Would you throw away your best friend to get into the pants of his sister? That's just illogical. Furthermore, in these past few weeks, he kept on asking if I had any gfs to hook up his single guy friends. Apparently he's like a big yenta which I never knew about because he never tried to hook me up with anyone. And he had plenty of opportunity this past summer when I saw quite a lot of him because I was living with my brother and he would come over quite a lot.
Author kimbop Posted March 15, 2010 Author Posted March 15, 2010 Well he did call. I was being paranoid. We went out Friday night and today we had a group outing at the Art Museum. I still get the nagging feeling that he's just not into me but I'm not sweating it and will go with the flow. He's so obsessed about setting his single guy friends with people, I wonder why he doesn't focus on himself. But oh well.....
tami-chan Posted March 15, 2010 Posted March 15, 2010 "....my mom ..... will be out looking for wedding dresses for me tomorrow. My mom's nuts and wants me to marry ASAP..." LOL.. this is funny, reminds me of my aunts. Are you Asian? Anyway, is it possible that he got cold feet BECAUSE he is your brother's friend? Maybe he realized you and he are not such a good idea after all?
Johnny M Posted March 15, 2010 Posted March 15, 2010 Monday, 2 days ago, came around I messaged him to see how he was. He responded but with only one word responses. Today I messaged while at work to wish him a Happy Birthday which he responded with Thanks and that's it. I asked him if I will see him soon, he just replied with "we'll figure it out." Regardless of whether he's into you, this is pretty disrespectful. One word responses, vague answers like "we'll figure it out" - that's bullsh*t. Personally, I would respond, with "Okay, I've just figured it out. Have a nice life."
Author kimbop Posted March 15, 2010 Author Posted March 15, 2010 LOL.. this is funny, reminds me of my aunts. Are you Asian? Anyway, is it possible that he got cold feet BECAUSE he is your brother's friend? Maybe he realized you and he are not such a good idea after all? Yes I am Asian, and I have the typical Asian mom. I'm over the hill so right now anyone with a pulse and working testicles to provide grandchildren is good in her books. That woman was trying to pimp me off to my male neighbors I have never met in the elevator getting to my place the other week. Then she brings me food and promptly tells me I need to lose weight after I finished eating. The craziness that is her.... I don't think my brother is the concern. This guy is obtuse in dating too. I've known him for years and he dates girls all the time, many of them he's not attractive to or repulsed by their personalities but dated anyway because they were Jewish. I have called him idiotic and moronic many times (while we were in the platonic stage). So we have two incompetent and very busy people trying to go through the murky swamp of relationship creation. The fact that we know each other's past relationship history doesn't help either....
Author kimbop Posted March 15, 2010 Author Posted March 15, 2010 Regardless of whether he's into you, this is pretty disrespectful. One word responses, vague answers like "we'll figure it out" - that's bullsh*t. Personally, I would respond, with "Okay, I've just figured it out. Have a nice life." It's not disrespectful. He doesn't know better. Anyone else I wouldn't have bothered either. He's flighty. But when push comes to shove he's a very reliable guy who honors loyalty with the utmost respect.
angelj Posted March 16, 2010 Posted March 16, 2010 Hi Kimbop Listen, I just went through something almost EXACTLY like this. ]..my best friend's cousin. You can read about it, its entitled PISSED OFF. I am certain this guy is a nice, respectful, etc etc. But he isn't interested. I can guarantee it was a game to see how far he could get...I am not trying to sound rude or harsh at all, but I am certain he came on strong and decided he wasn't going to get in your pants and decided to back off because he wasn't into the commitment. Now he has you guessing and thinking and wondering and you need to stop right there. Please remember that you cannot always give a guy that much credit. Just because he is your brother's friend or your sister's best friend's cousin...you've known him 1 year or 20...he is still a guy. You sound like a very sweet, respectful, intelligent chick. Don't let this guy stress you and don't sweat it. Like some one told me, if he leaves his spine in his dresser drawer at home...your attitude needs to be "next!" PS - the whole analyzing and freaking out if he doesn't call usually = something is not right. Trust your gut, its your best defense.
angelj Posted March 16, 2010 Posted March 16, 2010 It's not disrespectful. He doesn't know better. Anyone else I wouldn't have bothered either. He's flighty. But when push comes to shove he's a very reliable guy who honors loyalty with the utmost respect. BTW girl - that IS disrespectful. One word answers are rude and a good indicator he isn't interested. Would he talk to his mother this way? If so, he is an insensitive prick. I am sure when push comes to shove hes a good guy, but why should you have to wait till then?
Author kimbop Posted March 17, 2010 Author Posted March 17, 2010 Aw thanks Angelj. It's probably true, but I decided not to think about it since I'm no longer hormonal. I'm not on a leash to him, so I will explore what other fishes there are in the sea. He calls me now. Every night in fact. Seems that he was ill and doped up on drugs during those times, and I was menstrating. Now I'm hitting the gym, getting ready for summer, and seeing what there is in this mine field of dating. Now that the douchey, cheating ex is done with, I'm happy to be single and ready to experience the awkward phase of meeting new potentials!
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