She broke up with me, I'm trying to get her back. Story inside.

[KewlBum]

Ok guys, I need your HELP. This is my first post here. ANY and EVERY advice you can give me would be greatly appreciated. My girlfriend dumped me...I want to get her back.

 

Here's some background:

We've been going out for 6 months. I'm just turned 21 and she's 2.5 years younger then me. She's my first love. I'm her first love. She's had 2 other serious relationships, but she never loved either. I've had relationships, but she was my first serious one. You could say that our relationship started fast and was intense. After our first date, we saw eachother everyday for 2 weeks until I had to move to the next city over for University. Ever since then, we've still saw eachother alot, like 4 or 5 days a week. She is so amazing. I could tell I was falling for her fast, and that she was falling for me too. After about 3 months, I told her I love her, and she told it back to me. I knew it was real. There was so much passion, so much excitement, and happiness everytime she saw me and vice versa. I still love her (deeply), and I think she still loves me to (more on that later)

 

The problem:

The reason why she broke up with me was becaus she couldn't handle all the conflicts in our relationships. After the first 3 months, the next 3 were a bit rocky. We would have lots of petty little arguments and and fights that were mostly all started by me. Looking back, I think it was due to my inexperience and the fact that even after 6 months, it was hard for me to believe how I got such a perfect girl. Anyways, she does think that I'm really sweet and really romantic. But all the little conflicts started by me (which were selfish and immature) was just too much. Some examples would be if I couldn't see her on a day that we're usually together, then I would get upset and we would fight about it. Sometimes I would get moody for no apparent reason and it would just make things not happy for that day (noone wants to be with a moody person). Thinking back, I think I was moody so i'd get more attention. She has like 4 or so hollywood crushes (like Leo Dicaprio) and sometimes when she brings them up I would comment on it, she would comment back, and we'd fight. (stupid, I know).

 

What went down:

I guess she just couldn't take it anymore. Last wednesday she texts me saying how she hates the conflicts, she's thought long about it, and we're over. I go over to her house later that day but she doesn't want to see me. I text her saying we've been together for 6 months, you can at least give me 5 minutes of face time. Like I had to convince hard just to get her to see me for 5 mins. As soon as I see her, her eyes are teary. I talk about how happy we wer before, and how I'm sorry, how things would be different. She has more tears as I'm talking until finally she can't take it and runs inside. The next day (thurs), I call her. As soon as she picks up, she says "why are you calling me"..kinda in an angry tone. I ask if we could meet up fri or sat. It's a firm no from her. Then I said since I told her I'd keep the convo short, i'd keep my word. I said goodbye and hung up. On friday, she comes on msn. I ask if i can call her, that she doesnt have to say anything, she only needs to listen. She says no. Just let me be. Leave me alone. I tell her just one call and then I'll be gone, I won't call her again, I won't text her again or anything. She says fine, call me. So I do. It's 20 minutes of me pure talking about admitting all my mistakes, professing my love, saying how this has been the biggest wake up call of my life (it rly has), how if we got back together those conflicts would be gone (I know they would be), how I'm so sorry for all my mistakes, etc. I also said how if she took me back, everything would be different. We'd take things more slow, we wouldnt have to see eachother as much(i was too needy from before), my lesson is completely learned and all those petty arguments would be gone. I emphasised this alot. The last 5 minutes or so I was crying alot. She was crying a bit too. And at the end I told her don't make a decision now, it's alot to take in, just let it sink into your brain, and get back to me in a week. I told her I loved her. She said "I love you too". And that she will respond back. After this I just felt so helpless. I needed to do more to convince her, but I couldnt call her, text her, or show up at her door cause I said I wouldn't. A friend gave me an idea of a gift sorta thing. This is what i did. I drew a portrait of her (i suck at drawing, it's semi decent, I'm just hoping she would appreciate the effort and maybe think it's sweet/romantic). I made a paper flower thingy (habiscus, her fav flower). I included a drawing of a key (for vday she gave me a key with engraving "the key to my heart"...i drew the exact same key). And I included about 30 coupon thingy's. these would say something like one veiwing of any leo dicaprio movie with me (to show that I'm over those stupid petty tings from before), one bucket of heavenly hash (her fav ice cream), one dinner at saigon (our first restaurant dinner/date)..stuff like that. She has a song that reminds her of me, so I also included those lyrics to a blank coupon card. I included all these things in an envelope and sent it to her yesterday morning (she should get it today or tomorrow).

 

So yeah, I know that was alot to read. All my friends keep telling me to give her time because i told her to get back to me in a week (this was fri night), and that contacting her again before then would just push her away, show that my word is no good (since my argument on why those fights started by me would be gone now is just based on my word and tone of voice through the phone, so if I told her to get back to me in a week and i contact her before then, she might think my word is no good), and annoy her.

 

The thing is, if i knew that she was actually pondering on whether to get back with me or not, then I'd feel so much better. What I'm afraid of is she was just humouring me throughout that phone call. I mean, wednesday she broke up with me with a firm final answer of no. I had to convince her hard to get 5 mins of face time, and when i saw her, i couldn;t change anything, the answer was no. Thursday I call to meet up fri or sat, and the answer is a firm no. Friday on msn when i ask to call her it was a firm no. It wasn't until i said if she let me call her, then I'd be out of her hair forever and wouldnt contact her again, thats when she said fine. The only thing that gives me hope is the phone call. That towards the end she was crying, and she did say "i love you too" when I told her I love her. But I'm afraid that she really wasn't listening to me at all throughout the 20 mins of me talking, that she only said i love you too to get me to stop talking, and also saying that she will respond back only to get me off the phone. I don't really doubt that she wont respond back, but I'm afraid the answer is no, and that after the phone call she didn't have to decide anything bcuz her decision of no is already set, and she just hasnt contacted me back yet cuz she figures she might as well use up the full week until contacting me with a no cuz then at least she'll get a week of me not contacting her (vs if she tells me no right now, she might think I'll call her to further convince her). Do you guys understand what I'm trying to say or have I been too confusing? Oh also, I empashised alot in the phone call how I knew those conflicts started by me would not be there anymore (bcuz this whole ordeal has been such an eye opener...just trust me, I KNOW they won't happen anymore. not the stupid ones anyways cause that was just me being selfish), why they wouldn't happen anymore, how things would change, etc. I asked her twice if she believed me when I told her the stupid conflicts would be no more. The first time she answered I dont know. The second time (my memory is fuzzy on this one), I think she said yes (i honestly dont remember). But even if she did say yes, that she did believe me, again, I'm worried it was only to shut me up and get me off her back. Ok, this has been an essay. As you can see, I want her back so so so badly.

 

Oh also. I've had two ideas recently.

Basically, before, on some fridays I would drive her back from her college to her house. Otherwise she would have to take a bus, then a train, then another bus back to her house. She hates doing that. It is such a hassle for her. So i was thinking that friday afternoon I'll text her and say "hey, I've got the car and I know it's ahassle for you to take the train and bus, so I can drive you back from school if you want". What do you guys think of that? And another idea was to do what I descirbed above, but also something before that. I would have a friend of mine go to her college and her classroom, knock on her door, and present her with flowers and chocolates saying they are from me. Thoughts?

 

I want her back so badly. I lover her so much

[yume]

I know it's hard, but you need to wait until the week is up for her to approach you. Don't force it. Every time my ex approached me to get back together with him I would give him an adamant no. Part of that was because I wanted to be ready, I wanted to be the one to say "let's try again". That's just me though, I am in no way telling you how she feels because she could be thinking the complete opposite. Try not to panic - you gave her a week, and she will most likely honor that time frame.

 

It sounds like you've done everything you absolutely can to try and convince her, and you have to wait now. If she doesn't contact you like she said she would, wait another day or two and then try contacting her to ask about her decision.

 

I would avoid trying to win her over with flowers and chocolate. Meh. You could offer to pick her up, it's a nice gesture (and useful so you guys can have that conversation), but flowers would overdo it, imo.

 

If she says no...well...it'll be hard, but...don't pursue it. She might need a little bit more time away from you to think, and may come back to you in the future.

 

Good luck.

[LovelyDaze]

Being 10 years older and sadly too experienced in the love game, I can tell you the brutal truth...if you REALLY want to know..continue reading my reply.

 

You both are young and very inexperienced. I can make a high dollar bet that if you don't contact her for even TWO WEEKS, SHE will be the one calling, texting and all of that stuff just wondering where you are and if you still care.

 

You are not leaving her any room to miss you. When you bombard her with gifts, pleading and the like, you are making her believe that she doesn't have to lift a finger to show YOU how much she cares.

 

No one should want a one-sided relationship...no one. Give her the space she claims to want. In fact, as aforementioned, give it another couple of days or so. If you don't, your relationship will never be on a good level. It will always be you who cares a bucket load more than she does.

 

Now, for whatever reason that you don't mind the drama...then you have a lot of growing up to do my friend.

 

Most LS members would tell you to just go NC (No Contact) and let HER prove how much she gives a damn. You will never know if you keep chasing her around. It's just not healthy. Again, give it a week and even an extra day or so to clear YOUR mind and think about the kind of relationship you'd like to have with her and if it is even in the realm of reality that it can.

 

Good luck..indeed.

[KewlBum]

I called her. We had a talk. Essentially, ya she broke up with me because of all the conflicts, but she DOES believe me that they won't appear again if we got back together. She DOES want to me with me. The problem is...her mom. Her mom doesn't like me. Her mom wants her to be focused on her school and career, and she thinks I'll get in the way of that. She thinks this because since the relationship between me and G (I'm just calling her G as I don't want to say her actual name) were rocky, G had been stressed and sad alot and her mom noticed that. Before that, she actually liked me, she thought I was a good guy. But then she saw how sad and unhappy G would be at times and, well...obviously she doesn't like me anymore. Initially, I asked for G's permission to talk to her mom and try to persuade her that things will be a lot different in our relationship, that I won't be occupying much of her time, that i'll help her in her goals, and I wont get in the way of school/career at all. She said ok yeah you can go and try tomorrow. But then a bit later, her mom found out we had been talking on the phone and she got livid. So then G told me it's not a good idea to try and convince her anytime soon. As well, her mom has been a bit depressed lately due to some personal issues. So now I gotta wait till something happens and she's not depressed anymore, I gotta wait till she's been happy awhile before I can go and talk to her. G doesn't know when this will happen though, if ever. But when she notices that she's been happy for awhile, then she will tell me and then i will go and try.

 

It just sucks not knowing when this will be. It might be next week, next month,never. And G can't just defy her mother and be with me because they are very close. The father is not in the picture and hasn't been for a long time. And G had gone through some really tough stuff for many years, so she and her mother are very close.

 

She also says that while we can keep in contact, we can't see eachother face to face for awhile because it'll be too hard on her. Right now, she can't bear to know that she loves me and yet can't be with me. She said we can talk on the phone starting around next week after giving her a while to heal. But I can still text her as texting won't make her feel as bad.

 

So yeah, she loves me, she believes in me, she wants to be with me. But her mom doesn't like me, thinks I'll get in the way of her daughter's future, and she herself is a bit depressed so it'll be hard to convince her for me and G to start seeing eachother again, and if I try to convince her and it's a no go, then it'll just make things worse.

[engravefeelthevoid]

my friend....NC NC NC NC !!!! it might hurt....BUT NC !!!!! it wud drive her mad bc she'd start thinking "what am not that good to make him grieve for me ?" she'd contact you...STOP any drama and live your life...focus on bigger things and her issue will seem small in your eyes....and keep this in mind...GIRLS might seem all kind and nice and all but trust me they know **** in relationships...take it from a brother "be ready to walk away from anyone at anytime" easier said than done...but it will make u invincible....

 

her loss bro u seem like a good guy....drives her mad if you ignore her trust me