worlybear Posted March 10, 2010 Posted March 10, 2010 Ok Help. Will try to cut to the chase. Ex now living with ow and her kid. Not paying anything towards shared debts or our 8 yr old daughter. Sorting this out very sloooowly via solicitors and csa. Am moving out from marital home in a couple of weeks as can't afford mortgage and everything and everyone is v. stressed. My job finishes in 3 weeks and no full time job in sight. On top of everything else my oldest son has just been charged with a serious drink- driving offence and it looks likely he'll go to prison (and deservedly so.) I just feel ABSOLUTELY CRAP. I smile and breeze my way through the days but I feel further back than square 1. My 2 other sons are very supportive but because of previous bad feeling between the 3 brothers I am not able to support my oldest son. (He has caused lots of problems in the past and it would cause terrible problems between me and my younger sons if I supported him now)- He has asked to stay for the weekend before his court hearing and I haven't replied. I just don't have the energy to deal with anything else. I can't sleep without tablets and I am having counselling but everything seems unmanageable- I can't believe how rapidly my life has changed. I haven't even got the energy to wish bad karma on my cheating ex -I just wish everything would go away. Struggling with my daughter too- she finds it very hurtful that her father has dropped out of her life and please don't tell me that I should be telling her that he still cares for her- he has made no effort to contact her despite my solicitor asking him to get in touch with her. She is hurt and angry and lashing out verbally.HELP.
Andrew1984 Posted March 10, 2010 Posted March 10, 2010 cant really help you over an internet forum, except to tell you relax, hang in there, this will pass. It will take time but someday this hurricane of **** will pass.
aimchase Posted March 10, 2010 Posted March 10, 2010 Worly, Everything has hit you like a steamroller and your only way of dealing with this is to break it down: 1. I put this as number 1 because it is - you have to look after YOURSELF. If you don't function, neither will those who are dependent around you (i.e, your sons and daughter). That's not meant to put pressure on your shoulders, it's advice to see that you are able to move forward with what is important. Do what you need to do to get by, use friends/family as support, and try to have time to enjoy (or at least try to enjoy) some of your own time, e.g, hobbies, shopping etc. 2. It sounds like you need to put your two less troublesome sons and daughter as priority amongst those around you, therefore continue to be supportive to them. Talk to them and use each other for support. 3. Your elder son - despite what he's done, I doubt you want to shut him out for good. However, now is not the time to be letting him home and causing further disruption in what is already a very fragile environment. If he is going to prison anyway, then his home is set for the forseeable future. Repairing that relationship will have to come later, after he is released and once you've had a chance to progress from the current issues. 4. Your husband does not deserve your time or attention. Pursue divorce, use the CSA to get your maintenance, and move on with your family. He has expressed no regard for his own daughter (I assume the sons aren't his?), which I personally find dispicable. He brought her into this world, he is responsible for raising her. I couldn't even dream of shutting out my own children. It's probably best that you don't run straight into a job anyway, as your mind needs to address the more pressing issues first. As you're moving out, I assume you'll be entitled to various benefits and aid once you advise your position. Your solicitor should be able to give you further advice on this. Once the arrangements of moving and solicitors start to progress, things will become more structured. You'll then be able to take your life forward. Be strong, and realise that things will get better over time. Best Wishes Aim
anne1707 Posted March 10, 2010 Posted March 10, 2010 ((((hugs)))) Worly This is all so unfair that you are left picking up the pieces whilst your H does b***** all for his family. Please look after yourself - make yourself strong first so you can you look after your children
Author worlybear Posted March 11, 2010 Author Posted March 11, 2010 Feel a bit better 2day -think everything just got on top of me. My oldest son is staying with his grandma so I'm not caught in the middle of pending court case. I know I have to look after myself in order to look after my daughters(8 and 19) who live at home with me. I'll never get my head around the fact that my ex left after 27 years-we have 5 children in all.(4 grown up.) Can someone please explain to me how he could turn his back on his 8 yr old and take on ow's 10 yr old instead? My daughters feel so hurt- how can he live with his conscience? My youngest daughter particularly is devestated- he is now stepdad to her former friend. He's made no attempt to contact our daughter , not even a phonecall. I swing between 2 extremes-part of me wants him to at least phone her, but perhaps a complete break is best- I really don't know.
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