bananaboat11 Posted March 10, 2010 Posted March 10, 2010 So ... REWIND. Had a great relationship with a girl who was 5 years younger than me... 1 year ago or so. We were together for approximately 7 months... everything seemed really good. Little did I know... her best friend here at school was in love with her... he is a bit socially awkward so how he approached the situation was awful. My now ex, but close, close friend went abroad... and so did he. Yeah. He ****ed **** up between her and me (telling us each **** about the other that apparently wasn't true... he was called out on it and fessed up... yeah... real bad - but this didn't come to light until 2-3 months POST-breaking of NC. I told her to never contact me again (at the time)... but being the dumper... after 7 months NC.... I still cared about her.. and was pissed (that I thought) she moved on so easily. I was soooo wrong. It started off as a simple, "hi" message... and she responded. Eventually, it developed into email correspondence. She transferred to another university, but we began conversing on the phone... soon we were chit chatting more regularly than we had... but still not enough to warrant any recurrence of feelings for one another. Meanwhile... her 'best' buddy who was waning thin on her friends list professed his love for her by this time. She came to visit friends... but I asked her to get coffee with me so we could talk. So was eager to do so... she spent most of the weekend with me... except saturday night.... that was dedicated to her former bandgeek member friends But I found out she had a hard time getting over me... and she still wasn't over me. She was scared I'd enver talk to her again, but we both agreed it wasn't the right time. (I was with my psycho ex at this time...) She also admitted to me she felt somehow... our souls were connected and I really mean a lot to her... (SOMEWHERE IN HERE I DUMPED A GIRL 2 TIMES.. AND WAS FINALLY DUMPED ONCE... BAD BREAKUP...) (STARTED DATING AGAIN...) Contact was off and on, but definitely didn't phase either of us... FAST FORWARD to this past weekend... I tell her I'll be in NYC this past weekend. She was so happy and wanted to see me... I bumped into her by accident even though we were planning to meet up. We spent time talking... we love eachother, but are not in love with each other... but we definitely admitted to each other we have a unique bond... but now isn't the right time. We openly say 'I love you' to eachother.. but nothing physical... and neither of us say "I love you" easily to someone else, other than family members... it's just weird. y'know? We can each stand the sight or thought of the other with someone else... emotionally and physically... but we're so scared of losing eachother and care so much about one another? Do I have someone amazing in my life and her mouth says one thing, but her heart says something else? I know I'm so confused and flushed with emotions... lost count of how long it's been since Nicole... and yeah.. she hurt me pretty bad and it's not 100% gone... but nothing is ever forgotten, only left behind. The days of an endless past dwindle in the shadow of my memories... and I look to a brighter future.... but thinking about this girl, E.. original girl I am speaking of... I don't know... I have a date this weekend with another girl... I had a date this past weekend in NYC... and I asked the barista girl out... but E has always had a place in my heart... my mind... my soul... my world. Is she just a REALLY, REALLY, REALLY good friend... or am I being a blind, foolish, stupid boy who is trying to cleanse his emotions and passing up someone who means a lot to me? Or am I over analyzing this? ...that last question... is why I'm asking YOU. thanks
Knittress Posted March 10, 2010 Posted March 10, 2010 I think what you really ought to be focusing on is how much drama and baggage you're willing to put up with. Each one of us brings into a relationship, not only the people we are, but all of our past memories and experiences - and the two of you seem to have a LOT. How exhausting! Are you cool with that? With new people it's simpler, no memories clouding your interactions.
EricaH329 Posted March 10, 2010 Posted March 10, 2010 Ok, there's a huge difference between loving someone, and being in love with someone. I love my best friend, all of my close friends, some of my ex's... but that does not mean that I need to date them. When you go through experiences with people, it brings you closer together. It bonds you with that person. It makes you care about them. It is a totally normal and natural part of life. But you most certainly shouldn't confuse the love that you have for someone, as something you should act on (in a romantic sense). That being said, I personally believe (and I don't mean to be a buzz-kill here) that you are not ready for a serious relationship. Rushing into one will only end in disaster. If you two feel that your bond is really that strong, it can wait until you are both ready and fully able to commit to one another.
Author bananaboat11 Posted March 10, 2010 Author Posted March 10, 2010 Thanks Erica <3 You both are right... I'm so full of different emotions... i'm just at a loss of what to think anymore right now. heh
EricaH329 Posted March 10, 2010 Posted March 10, 2010 Thanks Erica <3 You both are right... I'm so full of different emotions... i'm just at a loss of what to think anymore right now. heh More the reason not to bother considering a serious relationship.
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