dannie19 Posted March 10, 2010 Posted March 10, 2010 Sorry to be back asking something else but I'd really like an 'interpretation' of the latest from my exMM, especailly from any men out there! Well, not been with my MM for almost 4 weeks now but as we work together I can't go total NC but 've been doing okayish, certailny haven't been begging him to take me back. Now he keeps asking me to be friends, he said we can go out and on day trips together, he says I am his best-best frind, he left a fruit tree on my desk (I know bizarre) and has just sent a text saying 'Best friends put Xs at the end of their texts, give lots of hugs, fruit trees and more hugs' Does he really want to be just friends or does he want me back because he also says he misses 'us' but not the rowing. What does he really mean because on the other hand he is arranging to go with his partner to Germany at Easter for a job interview, and will maybe move there. Is he just messed up and maybe doesn't know himself? He's just turned 45 and hates where we work now. Bear also in mind he's bi-polar and ues drugs and alcohol! I don't want him back I just want to understand.....?????
whichwayisup Posted March 10, 2010 Posted March 10, 2010 He is setting this up so the so-called bestfriends/friendship senario will go right back into the affair and put you back as the OW. You two are NOT friends. Don't try to understand. He's bi polar.. He's a drunk and a drug user. ENOUGH SAID. Make peace with this, somehow.. Make your own closure! No matter what he does, or says to you, you'll always question it. Bestfriends don't have affairs with one another. He knows this as do you. Close the door and please try to stop figuring out everthing he says.
califnan Posted March 10, 2010 Posted March 10, 2010 Yes Dannie, what you can understand is that he is trying to keep the doors open ... It doesn't matter what his feelings or reasons are.. You have your Own complete life - and as time goes on it will be even More complete .. Be congenial with him - not necessarily to keep doors open - but so that he will Always wonder what he has missed.. He needs to take his messed-up self over to Germany with his partner, once and for all - and be done with it ..
fooled once Posted March 11, 2010 Posted March 11, 2010 Sorry to be back asking something else but I'd really like an 'interpretation' of the latest from my exMM, especailly from any men out there! Well, not been with my MM for almost 4 weeks now but as we work together I can't go total NC but 've been doing okayish, certailny haven't been begging him to take me back. Now he keeps asking me to be friends, he said we can go out and on day trips together, he says I am his best-best frind, he left a fruit tree on my desk (I know bizarre) and has just sent a text saying 'Best friends put Xs at the end of their texts, give lots of hugs, fruit trees and more hugs' Does he really want to be just friends or does he want me back because he also says he misses 'us' but not the rowing. What does he really mean because on the other hand he is arranging to go with his partner to Germany at Easter for a job interview, and will maybe move there. Is he just messed up and maybe doesn't know himself? He's just turned 45 and hates where we work now. Bear also in mind he's bi-polar and ues drugs and alcohol! I don't want him back I just want to understand.....????? He is trying to get you involved again. Best friends do not do what he said - at least not best friends who were former lovers. You two are former lovers, not best friends. You can't be a best friend with him -- because to do so, IMHO, is to get back in the affair. He is bi-polar (sounds like he is unmedicated) and he is abusing alcohol and drugs -- not a good thing. Count your lucky stars you aren't involved with him anymore!!
nadiaj2727 Posted March 11, 2010 Posted March 11, 2010 I think it's pretty clear he's saying he wants lots of hugs (for now). Don't fall into his trap, it's just BS to get you back into the affair. And it *does* sound bizarre. Sounds like you are better off without him so hopefully he does move to Germany!
White Flower Posted March 11, 2010 Posted March 11, 2010 Sorry to be back asking something else but I'd really like an 'interpretation' of the latest from my exMM, especailly from any men out there! Well, not been with my MM for almost 4 weeks now but as we work together I can't go total NC but 've been doing okayish, certailny haven't been begging him to take me back. Now he keeps asking me to be friends, he said we can go out and on day trips together, he says I am his best-best frind, he left a fruit tree on my desk (I know bizarre) and has just sent a text saying 'Best friends put Xs at the end of their texts, give lots of hugs, fruit trees and more hugs' Does he really want to be just friends or does he want me back because he also says he misses 'us' but not the rowing. What does he really mean because on the other hand he is arranging to go with his partner to Germany at Easter for a job interview, and will maybe move there. Is he just messed up and maybe doesn't know himself? He's just turned 45 and hates where we work now. Bear also in mind he's bi-polar and ues drugs and alcohol! I don't want him back I just want to understand.....????? A bi-polar MM, jeez lucky you! Isn't it enough that he is a MM and he's also bi-polar??? I'm glad you're getting over him. Yes, I think he wants the A back. He wants it back more this week because he is in one of his highs. Next week maybe not so much, depending on his mood of course.
Crazyforhim Posted March 11, 2010 Posted March 11, 2010 Oh he's definitely trying to reel you back in. Hugs, day trips??? Chances to once again be alone and try to get you in a weak state of mind so you'll fall back under his spell so he thinks! You're doing great, you see him for who he really is, so stay strong and best of luck!
MizzBlue72 Posted March 11, 2010 Posted March 11, 2010 . Bear also in mind he's bi-polar and ues drugs and alcohol! I don't want him back I just want to understand.....????? Oh Dannie!! Sorry to hear this. I wish you guys did not work together. It must make it so much harder on you. With him being bipolar and alcoholic - I say run. Run REALLY fast and really far away. Think of it this way: is he REALLY the type of friend that you can 'just' hang out with, shop with, talk with and go to the movies with? Is he there for you when you need ANYTHING and can you call him anytime? Would he be the person that you could call at 3am when you need a shoulder to cry on? I think he wants to use this friendship as a wedge to get back in your life.
Author dannie19 Posted March 11, 2010 Author Posted March 11, 2010 Thank you all for taking the time to reply,makes me feel a bit stronger & clearer as I set off to work today. He is on a high at moment over Germany,he's talking like he's about to be reborn,I imagine he'll just get stressed & fester in a pub! That said if he does actually go I know it's going to shock me & hurt so much. Wonder what strange notion of best friends he'll come out with today!
jj33 Posted March 11, 2010 Posted March 11, 2010 Dannie the idea that he misses you is real. But??? Its one big so what. Because he is married, he is not available to you. So whether the leaves and goes to Germany or he does not, isnt the issue the issue is that he isnt as available to you as you want him to be. This is not about what HE wants. Its about what YOUwant. You want him to divorce and be with you. Anything less is irrelevant. Its not news. Its just so much chitter chatter. Just tell him you care about him but you cant be his friend, too difficult.
OWoman Posted March 11, 2010 Posted March 11, 2010 Fruit trees are cool, but this guy is a bag of problems. I suspect that, until / unless he sorts his issues out, you won't ever really understand him or his actions, because you're applying a sane perspective (yours) to try to make sense of disturbed behaviour (his).
califnan Posted March 11, 2010 Posted March 11, 2010 . He is on a high at moment over Germany,he's talking like he's about to be reborn, Now you've got it, Dannie ..
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