justsomeoneelse Posted March 10, 2010 Posted March 10, 2010 I've been seeing this girl for the past 3 months. I really like her a lot. She has all the qualities I look for in a girl. The only thing is whenever we get to fooling around, it never goes any further than that. Just fooling around. She says she's not ready to sleep with me and doesn't know when she will be but that she'll let me know when she is. She's had sex with one other guy before. I do believe her when she told me that. BTW, I'm 23, she's 24. What's up with that? Why won't she sleep with me? Is she just messing with me and just isn't interested in me that way? Is this just one of those things where I should just wait and be patient? I just don't wanna waste my time if there's something I'm missing here.
Awesome Username Posted March 10, 2010 Posted March 10, 2010 If she's only slept with one other guy before, that means that it takes her a while to be comfortable with someone enough to be intimate with someone. It doesn't mean that she doesn't like you. If you like her, then be patient.
boogieboy Posted March 10, 2010 Posted March 10, 2010 Every time you keep trying to get her pants off, you set yourself back for weeks, and make her more uncomfortable. What you need to do is kiss her for a while and then stop to talk to her. Let her want more fooling around, and kill it when it gets hot, it will drive her nuts. Eventually she will be pent up enough to try sex with you. You need to show her you dont NEED sex. That makes you more desireable. Let her come to you to fool around, let her miss you, and for god sakes, dont TALK about sex, let her bring it up. Treat it as if its whatever to you.
St. Nick Posted March 10, 2010 Posted March 10, 2010 It would be a good idea to start looking for other women. 3 months is too long to wait for someone to feel comfortable with you. She's had plenty of time to get to know you, and you her. You can take boogie's advice, but if nothing happens after a week then you should definitely leave.
TouchedByViolet Posted March 10, 2010 Posted March 10, 2010 Normally I say be patient but 3 months is a long time...
Ms. Joolie Posted March 10, 2010 Posted March 10, 2010 Are you just 'fooling around' with her expecting sex? Try taking on a different mentality. Ask her out on dates, have a good time and get that going. If you feel like you have that relationship already established, ask her one of these nights to spend the night with you. Try that a couple of times, and if she keeps refusing perhaps she's just not offering the type of relationship you want. However if you just expect to fool around with a woman and get sex, then you will have to move on to someone easier.
DustySaltus Posted March 10, 2010 Posted March 10, 2010 Every time you keep trying to get her pants off, you set yourself back for weeks, and make her more uncomfortable. What you need to do is kiss her for a while and then stop to talk to her. Let her want more fooling around, and kill it when it gets hot, it will drive her nuts. Eventually she will be pent up enough to try sex with you. You need to show her you dont NEED sex. That makes you more desireable. Let her come to you to fool around, let her miss you, and for god sakes, dont TALK about sex, let her bring it up. Treat it as if its whatever to you. This ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ is a proven method.
Ms. Joolie Posted March 10, 2010 Posted March 10, 2010 Every time you keep trying to get her pants off, you set yourself back for weeks, and make her more uncomfortable. What you need to do is kiss her for a while and then stop to talk to her. Let her want more fooling around, and kill it when it gets hot, it will drive her nuts. Eventually she will be pent up enough to try sex with you. You need to show her you dont NEED sex. That makes you more desireable. Let her come to you to fool around, let her miss you, and for god sakes, dont TALK about sex, let her bring it up. Treat it as if its whatever to you. This would work if she were horny-inclined... but it seems she wants to be bedded in a different, more elegant fashion. From my POV, she is more relationship oriented, OR.... simply not that interested.
Knittress Posted March 10, 2010 Posted March 10, 2010 She seems to take sex very seriously. Do you? No matter the timeline of activity taking place - perhaps you should consider what this implies about your deeper compatibility.
reboot Posted March 10, 2010 Posted March 10, 2010 The world has really moved on since the last time I dated I suppose. If you like this girl, and you're maybe interested in a relationship, be patient. 3 months is just a tiny blip on the screen of life. If you're just looking to get laid, you might want to move on. This girl sounds like she has a good head on her shoulders, and she really doesn't owe you her body in exchange for a few cheeseburgers.
threebyfate Posted March 10, 2010 Posted March 10, 2010 she really doesn't owe you her body in exchange for a few cheeseburgers.Even if you supersize the fries, it's still not enough! But I do agree. If you're just looking for sex, then it's time to move on.
LucreziaBorgia Posted March 10, 2010 Posted March 10, 2010 Perhaps she read "Act like a Lady, Think Like a Man"? Steve Harvey suggests in that book making a man go through a 90 day waiting period to see if he is relationship material before sleeping with him.
Mme. Chaucer Posted March 10, 2010 Posted March 10, 2010 I'm truly shocked that some of you think that three months is a long time to wait for sex! If sex is all you're after, I guess that makes sense. If this young woman wants to be comfortable and confident in your relationship before consummating it physically, that seems like a perfectly valid position to me. What ARE you after - sex now, or a potentially "real" relationship?
ADF Posted March 10, 2010 Posted March 10, 2010 I think what you need to decide how much more sexual rejection she expects you to put up with. There is this huge lie in the culture that says sex shouldn't be that important, that if you really care for someone you should be willing to wait for almost any length of time, blah,blah, blah. Rubbish! Sexual rejection hurts. Rejecting someone sexually is a clear, loud way of saying, "I don't want you." Wanting sex doesn't make you a monster. Wanting sex makes you human. Three months is plenty long enough. Next time this comes up, tell her that she expects to keep using her sexuality as a bargaining chip, she'll have to find someone else to play with. You're done.
St. Nick Posted March 10, 2010 Posted March 10, 2010 Perhaps she read "Act like a Lady, Think Like a Man"? Steve Harvey suggests in that book making a man go through a 90 day waiting period to see if he is relationship material before sleeping with him. So we're reduced to listening to tired old comedians for advice on our love life now? Come on, people. I think what you need to decide how much more sexual rejection she expects you to put up with. There is this huge lie in the culture that says sex shouldn't be that important, that if you really care for someone you should be willing to wait for almost any length of time, blah,blah, blah. Rubbish! Sexual rejection hurts. Rejecting someone sexually is a clear, loud way of saying, "I don't want you." Wanting sex doesn't make you a monster. Wanting sex makes you human. Three months is plenty long enough. Next time this comes up, tell her that she expects to keep using her sexuality as a bargaining chip, she'll have to find someone else to play with. You're done. Thank you. All this demonizing sex kind of makes me feel ashamed to be American sometimes. Maybe it's because I've spent some time in Germany and Netherlands, where sex isn't such a scary topic. There is nothing wrong with wanting to have sex with her, justsomeoneelse. Why wait so long when there are other great women who are more mature and understanding about sex, and won't give you nearly as much grief over it? I do agree with ADF that she's rejecting you. Her telling you to wait until she's ready and not giving you any specific time is a bad sign as well. You should really consider moving on.
stillafool Posted March 10, 2010 Posted March 10, 2010 I've been seeing this girl for the past 3 months. I really like her a lot. She has all the qualities I look for in a girl. The only thing is whenever we get to fooling around, it never goes any further than that. Just fooling around. She says she's not ready to sleep with me and doesn't know when she will be but that she'll let me know when she is. She's had sex with one other guy before. I do believe her when she told me that. BTW, I'm 23, she's 24. What's up with that? Why won't she sleep with me? Is she just messing with me and just isn't interested in me that way? Is this just one of those things where I should just wait and be patient? I just don't wanna waste my time if there's something I'm missing here. Who knows. But if you need sex I would move on. 3 months is a long time to wait for sex when you are only 23.
Trojan John Posted March 11, 2010 Posted March 11, 2010 Unless you think that she is wife material and has EVERYthing you're looking for in a woman, move on. She will never get over that sexual repression, not easily in any case.
threebyfate Posted March 11, 2010 Posted March 11, 2010 Let`s pretend that it`s repression. Why would you marry a woman who`s sexually repressed, unless you want a lifetime sexless marriage? But I do have to giggle a bit with men. If a woman waits for her right moment, she`s automatically repressed. And yet if she`s had over a certain amount of lovers, she`s a whore. Come on guys, get it straight, will ya`! OP, you`d better decide which one she is, whether she`s repressed or just waiting for the right moment. The only problem is that when a woman is waiting for the right moment, you might never get to do her, if things don`t feel right to her. So if your priority is sex, then it`s time to move on.
Els Posted March 11, 2010 Posted March 11, 2010 But I do have to giggle a bit with men. If a woman waits for her right moment, she`s automatically repressed. And yet if she`s had over a certain amount of lovers, she`s a whore. Come on guys, get it straight, will ya`! Right on. Especially the men who want sex by the third date, but expect their women to have less than 5 sexual partners? Gosh, dude. If she's willing to have sex by the third date AND has less than 5 sexual partners, do you even see the implications? Either: 1. She's lying 2. She went out on initial dates with less than 5 men before. Not so unfindable, but if she's that 9 or 10 that you want, you can bet that she's been on more 3. You're so great that even though she refused all the poor fellows before you, she's giving in to you on the third date! (Woohoo! Isn't that what they'd like to think?)
threebyfate Posted March 11, 2010 Posted March 11, 2010 Right on. Especially the men who want sex by the third date, but expect their women to have less than 5 sexual partners? Gosh, dude. If she's willing to have sex by the third date AND has less than 5 sexual partners, do you even see the implications? Either: 1. She's lying 2. She went out on initial dates with less than 5 men before. Not so unfindable, but if she's that 9 or 10 that you want, you can bet that she's been on more 3. You're so great that even though she refused all the poor fellows before you, she's giving in to you on the third date! (Woohoo! Isn't that what they'd like to think?)If men are being realistic, rest assured that option number 3, is highly, highly unlikely!
Lovelybird Posted March 11, 2010 Posted March 11, 2010 3. You're so great that even though she refused all the poor fellows before you, she's giving in to you on the third date! (Woohoo! Isn't that what they'd like to think?) What a big ego ! but many men do think this way. they don't want you to trust any men by the third date, but they do want you to trust him. Here is the safest line we can use "I don't trust you yet". don't worry, he will come back. otherwise, we don't want them in our lives
lino Posted March 11, 2010 Posted March 11, 2010 The response by ADF is the only one you need to read.
reboot Posted March 11, 2010 Posted March 11, 2010 Are men really this shallow now? I'm ashamed for my gender.
craw Posted March 11, 2010 Posted March 11, 2010 I've been seeing this girl for the past 3 months. I really like her a lot. She has all the qualities I look for in a girl. The only thing is whenever we get to fooling around, it never goes any further than that. Just fooling around. She says she's not ready to sleep with me and doesn't know when she will be but that she'll let me know when she is. She's had sex with one other guy before. I do believe her when she told me that. BTW, I'm 23, she's 24. What's up with that? Why won't she sleep with me? Is she just messing with me and just isn't interested in me that way? Is this just one of those things where I should just wait and be patient? I just don't wanna waste my time if there's something I'm missing here. I don't get it, do you want a relationship with her or a good ****? clearly, it seems as though she wants a relationship. Good for her for waiting that long! I definitely do not have the willpower for that. if you feel you are wasting your time, seems as though you aren't looking for a relationship. WHAM BAM THANK YOU MA'AM - move on!
craw Posted March 11, 2010 Posted March 11, 2010 Are men really this shallow now? I'm ashamed for my gender. yes.......
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