newyorkjets Posted March 10, 2010 Posted March 10, 2010 (edited) I've known my girlfriend for many year now, but we have been romantically involved for almost two. I fear she may have or may still be cheating on me with her ex-boyfriend, her first boyfriend. he was a real dick head and used to hit her but she took her virginity and i think that has an affect on her. this kid is a real *******. but this is why i think it. in the past my girlfriend did a few shady things that were unexplainable. one time she went out with no gas in the car and no money, and came back with cigarettes and gas. she said she saw her uncle at the gas station who offered to buy her gas (guess she just got lucky..?) and she used her credit card to buy cigarettes. I looked in her transactions, and she never bought cigarettes with her credit card. I should know, I pay for it. and now she was texting him a few nights ago. she mentioned it to me and i expressed my feelings against it - feelings she already knows I have. the next day, im at work and she cleans hers grandfathers house. she needs to use my car cause she doesnt have one. usually i just drop her off and pick her up after work but this time she wanted to keep the car there. i meet up with her later (she lives with me) and she tells me how she went through her cousin (who was there) and her cousin talked to her ex boyfriends friend who gave her something for my girlfriend. my girlfriend claims she did this for both of us. i dont want anything from him though. i don't know why she would be accepting things from her exboyfriend ? She met up with him without me and did all this and then told me. It's very suspicious. When I tell her this she says what you dont trust me ? And I want to because I love her very very much she is the world to me and I don't know what I'd do without her. She fills an emptiness inside of me that I can already feel creeping back. But I digress.. what do you guys think ? is she cheating on me ? Edited March 10, 2010 by newyorkjets
Author newyorkjets Posted March 10, 2010 Author Posted March 10, 2010 (edited) We've argued about it a couple times and I'm almost nervous to bring it up again because its gunna start a big fight. Usually it ends with something she knows will reallllly reallllly get to me...and I hate that. Ijust dont know what to do. my gut instinct is that she is but i almost like can even believe myself because of how much i love her and how much i thought she loved me, like i thought this was never possible. im scared for it to be true though. very. i know she has cheated on her boyfriends in the past but they all cheated on her before she did, so she wanted to "get back" at them. she was younger then too though, a teenager. we're in our 20s now. and they were all a-holes, the kinda guys you would see and be like "i cant believe that girl is still with him". i think maybe i could be over paranoid because im thinking so much in detail and im really just praying to god this is the case. we are supposed to be moving across the country in a month and ive never had proof of her cheating, just suspicious anecdotal evidence that i have provided to you. when i think of this though - why on earth would she wanna ruin what me and her have, a life, a future, a probable family together, to sleep with some jerk who could care less about her ? Edited March 10, 2010 by newyorkjets
blue.iris Posted March 10, 2010 Posted March 10, 2010 Yes it is possible she met up with her ex. Maybe because you guys are moving across the country she wanted to say goodbye and get final closure. I don't think she cheated on you though, it would serve no purpose. It is still wrong, however, that she didn't discuss meeting him with you beforehand. Also, if she uses things that will really get to you in an argument, she's sort of maniuplating you in forgetting the argument. It's an immature thing to do on her part. Try and hold your ground (and temper)--she needs to admit to making a mistake here or she will do the same thing again.
Author newyorkjets Posted March 10, 2010 Author Posted March 10, 2010 (edited) I don't think that it. She claimed to actually have not seen him at all because she "didnt want to anyway". That's why she had her cousin talk to his friend (Apparently). He gave her something that she said we could both use, which is true, and her reasoning behind taking it. But I know her, it's weird for her to do it without telling me she is we tell each other everything. I think she knew I'd want to go with her, maybe that's why she didn't. I looked at her phone and all he said to her was "Yo". There should have been more to that conversation.. She didnt say "txt my cousin" or anything he just said "yo" and she didn't respond. almost like she deleted them thinking if i saw him say only "yo" i'd be content that that was all he said. perhaps it was something that she knows i'd be upset to read ? or maybe he was propositioning her for sex or something ? but then she would tell me that and have no reason to hide it... Edited March 10, 2010 by newyorkjets
Bleed Internal Posted March 10, 2010 Posted March 10, 2010 i'm so jaded and untrusting of the lying whores that exist these days, so i automatically assume she's cheating. the sad part is, it's probably true.
Author newyorkjets Posted March 10, 2010 Author Posted March 10, 2010 i don't know what to believe anymore and its really really hard to pretend nothings wrong
Bryanp Posted March 10, 2010 Posted March 10, 2010 The fact that she has cheated on her past boyfriends is a huge red flag. Past behavior is the best predictor of future behavior. Why would you wish to be with a person who has such a track record?
blue.iris Posted March 10, 2010 Posted March 10, 2010 I don't think that it. She claimed to actually have not seen him at all because she "didnt want to anyway". That's why she had her cousin talk to his friend (Apparently). He gave her something that she said we could both use, which is true, and her reasoning behind taking it. But I know her, it's weird for her to do it without telling me she is we tell each other everything. I think she knew I'd want to go with her, maybe that's why she didn't. I looked at her phone and all he said to her was "Yo". There should have been more to that conversation.. She didnt say "txt my cousin" or anything he just said "yo" and she didn't respond. almost like she deleted them thinking if i saw him say only "yo" i'd be content that that was all he said. perhaps it was something that she knows i'd be upset to read ? or maybe he was propositioning her for sex or something ? but then she would tell me that and have no reason to hide it... Regardless of why she didn't tell you, it was very wrong on her part. Yes she may have deleted the texts thinking they might upset you. However, even if he was propositioning for sex, is she the type of girl who would say ok whatever?! She's your girlfriend, someone you love and someone who loves you--do you think she'd throw it away for a 5 min session with her douche ex? I don't personally know your situation, but I don't think she would if she is a logical adult. She would have to have a hell of a lot of mental issues if she did.
carhill Posted March 10, 2010 Posted March 10, 2010 TBH, LS is probably the wrong site to come to and ask if someone has cheated on you. The automatic answer is 'yes' Happy to be wrong and welcome.
squirtle Posted March 11, 2010 Posted March 11, 2010 all i can say (and i know you dont want to hear this) is go with your gut. i have been in 2 relationships where i have had this feeling and i was always confirmed right. both guys were online chatting it up, flirting and making plans with other girls. ive felt so bad about myself for so long because of this. its like i get the strength to leave one guy, FINALLY start trusting another and this happens. i wont say the whole its not you its them speech.. cause i think it i US..people like us that are honest and maybe a little bit too NICE and LOVINg to these people. but yeah dude if u think shes cheating she prob is unless of course youre insecure or paranoid cause of something that happened to you. but finding out is not all that hard.
Spectre Posted March 16, 2010 Posted March 16, 2010 Seriously, why the hell is it so hard for people to stay the hell away from their ex's when they are with someone? You broke up for a reason, so STAY THE HELL AWAY FROM THEM. If you can't do something as simple as that then you aren't ready to even begin casually dating anyone. No, you don't have any reason to keep in touch with them...you don't have any reason to even give them a "final goodbye" if you're moving somewhere.
AAlike Posted March 16, 2010 Posted March 16, 2010 what do you guys think ? is she cheating on me ? can't say definitively one way or the other. I can, however, say with absolute certainty that she is disrespecting you. Due to that fact, it really doesn't matter even if you find out that she WASN'T doing anything physical with the ex - it's pretty apparent that you (understandably) don't trust her, and I would strongly suggest against moving cross country with a girl that you don't completely trust. It may seem like making a "clean break" from the ex and her old environment might fix things, but that need to be dramatic and deceptive is a sign of immaturity and you're not going to fix it by moving.
GorillaTheater Posted March 16, 2010 Posted March 16, 2010 She met up with him without me and did all this and then told me. It's very suspicious. When I tell her this she says what you dont trust me ? what do you guys think ? is she cheating on me ? The last two people who asked "don't you trust me?" wound up screwing me over. Take that for what it's worth.
Silver_star Posted March 16, 2010 Posted March 16, 2010 I've known my girlfriend for many year now, but we have been romantically involved for almost two. I fear she may have or may still be cheating on me with her ex-boyfriend, her first boyfriend. he was a real dick head and used to hit her but she took her virginity and i think that has an affect on her. this kid is a real *******. but this is why i think it. in the past my girlfriend did a few shady things that were unexplainable. one time she went out with no gas in the car and no money, and came back with cigarettes and gas. she said she saw her uncle at the gas station who offered to buy her gas (guess she just got lucky..?) and she used her credit card to buy cigarettes. I looked in her transactions, and she never bought cigarettes with her credit card. I should know, I pay for it. and now she was texting him a few nights ago. she mentioned it to me and i expressed my feelings against it - feelings she already knows I have. the next day, im at work and she cleans hers grandfathers house. she needs to use my car cause she doesnt have one. usually i just drop her off and pick her up after work but this time she wanted to keep the car there. i meet up with her later (she lives with me) and she tells me how she went through her cousin (who was there) and her cousin talked to her ex boyfriends friend who gave her something for my girlfriend. my girlfriend claims she did this for both of us. i dont want anything from him though. i don't know why she would be accepting things from her exboyfriend ? She met up with him without me and did all this and then told me. It's very suspicious. When I tell her this she says what you dont trust me ? And I want to because I love her very very much she is the world to me and I don't know what I'd do without her. She fills an emptiness inside of me that I can already feel creeping back. But I digress.. what do you guys think ? is she cheating on me ? I think she is personally. Its not alot of full disclosure. Investigate furthur. I know a girlffriend of mine that cheated on her boyfriend while i told her just to dump her current bf if she wasnt going to be honest with him aand sneaked around..she wouldnt because he was her "safety net". Dont be her "safety net".
sally4sara Posted March 16, 2010 Posted March 16, 2010 I can't tell whether or not she has cheated on you from the info you've provided. The only things that stand out to me is that she is maintaining contact with someone you have every reason to feel she needs no contact with. He isn't just an ex, he is an abusive ex and it seems odd she would want anything to do with him. The other thing that stands out is she is too dependent on you. You cover expenses and have the only form of transportation available to use. This requires her to ask you for things no adult should have to ask for. It puts her in the position of child and you in the position of authority. And we know how children need to rebel against their parents to define themselves as a separate individual......
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