janey24 Posted March 10, 2010 Posted March 10, 2010 (edited) Ok so a few weeks ago I went for a couple of drinks with this guy (he's 30, I'm 24) I had met on a dating site (we had been talking for a couple of weeks prior to meeting). Anyway, it was great - he seemed like the nicest guy ever, chemistry was great, and afterwards he txted to say that he thought i was gorgeous and that he'd be really keen to see me again. The following night we went on a proper date, to dinner and a movie, and again it was amazing... I thought he was exactly what I was looking for! This guy - I'll call him 'Dan' has a day job as a real estate agent, but was doing bartending at night due to the property market being down, and since our dates got a new job at a bar, where he has apparently been working almost everynight, as well as doing his other work during the day. He invited me to drinks at his flat about a week ago, but I turned it down because I didn't want to stay the night as I had work early the next morning, Since then I've suggested we do something if he gets a night off and he txted back "Yeah for sure :)" giving the impression that he was interested still. Last Saturday night I was out in town with some friends, and we ended up at the bar he works out at about 2am. He seemed pleased to see me, I bought drinks off him, we chatted briefly and then I went back to my friends. Later, as the bar was closing, I got a text from him saying "What you up to sexy?", I told him I was still at the bar, as he had just finished his shift and was wondering where I was. My friends were leaving then, but I stayed and talked to Dan abit and then he offered me a ride home. In the car he talked about how much work and stuff he had on... I mentioned us catching up sometime, but joked that he was always working. I was kinda drunk, and a little frustrated at his mixed messages, so I said " You know it's fine if you're busy with work etc, but if you're not BUSY busy, and just too busy for me then I'd rather just know..." His response was "No, I'm super keen honey" and I can't remember the rest, but though he sounded really genuine there was no indication of WHEN he would ask to see me next! We kissed goodnight, and it was nice.. the other day I txted him (yes, probably shouldn't have I know) "Sorry I can't remember if you said you had any nights off this week? Would be cool to do something if you do as I'm going to be away on the weekend", he said he doesn't think he does, "but definietely :)". Arggh sorry this is so long, but on one hand I know if a guy wants to see you then he will MAKE time for you, but on the other Dan does seem to genuinely like me AND be super busy working.... should I just wait, or forget him... or ask him more directly where I stand?? Oh I forgot to mention that he actually deleted his online profile a few days after we met.. haven't questioned him about this so not sure why! Edited March 10, 2010 by janey24 added details
Krytie TV Posted March 10, 2010 Posted March 10, 2010 Call me silly but I am firm in the thinking that if a guy genuinely likes you, he will make time to see you. Did he try to make a move on you when he took you home? That would explain why he drove you. Sounds to me like you're a back-burner girl that he is trying to keep kinda close in case things are running dry for him.
boogieboy Posted March 10, 2010 Posted March 10, 2010 He's not making time for you, so he's not interested. You've indicated to him that youre interested enough times.
Awesome Username Posted March 10, 2010 Posted March 10, 2010 If you didn't like a guy that much, you wouldn't think twice about this behavior. However, you do like him. If he's not doing what you want or obviously stringing you along, get rid of him even if it tears your heart apart. There are plenty of fish in the sea, but only you can dictate how well men can treat you, and still be able get away with it. I think that you just want him to set a concrete date. Maybe he isn't a planner, but don't meet up with him late at night anywhere. That would make you a booty call. Maybe if he sees that you're not willing to drop everything at the chance to see him, he will be more diligent about planning things for you.
calizaggy Posted March 10, 2010 Posted March 10, 2010 - I'll call him 'Dan' has a day job as a real estate agent, but was doing bartending at night ! Bartenders get hit on a lot, so i am sure he is keeping his options open. Don't ask me why, but women love to go home with bartenders..
St. Nick Posted March 10, 2010 Posted March 10, 2010 You said he works every night bartending? That sounds like a lie. I was once a bartender. The average bartender works 2-4 nights a week (2 nights minimum and 4 nights max). I know some bartenders who get so many tips that they only work 3 nights a week and that's their only job, not just their night job; and they still make enough to pay their bills easily. I doubt he works so much he can't see you. I agree with the others that he's not that into you.
stillafool Posted March 10, 2010 Posted March 10, 2010 Ok so a few weeks ago I went for a couple of drinks with this guy (he's 30, I'm 24) I had met on a dating site (we had been talking for a couple of weeks prior to meeting). Anyway, it was great - he seemed like the nicest guy ever, chemistry was great, and afterwards he txted to say that he thought i was gorgeous and that he'd be really keen to see me again. The following night we went on a proper date, to dinner and a movie, and again it was amazing... I thought he was exactly what I was looking for! This guy - I'll call him 'Dan' has a day job as a real estate agent, but was doing bartending at night due to the property market being down, and since our dates got a new job at a bar, where he has apparently been working almost everynight, as well as doing his other work during the day. He invited me to drinks at his flat about a week ago, but I turned it down because I didn't want to stay the night as I had work early the next morning, Since then I've suggested we do something if he gets a night off and he txted back "Yeah for sure :)" giving the impression that he was interested still. Last Saturday night I was out in town with some friends, and we ended up at the bar he works out at about 2am. He seemed pleased to see me, I bought drinks off him, we chatted briefly and then I went back to my friends. Later, as the bar was closing, I got a text from him saying "What you up to sexy?", I told him I was still at the bar, as he had just finished his shift and was wondering where I was. My friends were leaving then, but I stayed and talked to Dan abit and then he offered me a ride home. In the car he talked about how much work and stuff he had on... I mentioned us catching up sometime, but joked that he was always working. I was kinda drunk, and a little frustrated at his mixed messages, so I said " You know it's fine if you're busy with work etc, but if you're not BUSY busy, and just too busy for me then I'd rather just know..." His response was "No, I'm super keen honey" and I can't remember the rest, but though he sounded really genuine there was no indication of WHEN he would ask to see me next! We kissed goodnight, and it was nice.. the other day I txted him (yes, probably shouldn't have I know) "Sorry I can't remember if you said you had any nights off this week? Would be cool to do something if you do as I'm going to be away on the weekend", he said he doesn't think he does, "but definietely :)". Arggh sorry this is so long, but on one hand I know if a guy wants to see you then he will MAKE time for you, but on the other Dan does seem to genuinely like me AND be super busy working.... should I just wait, or forget him... or ask him more directly where I stand?? Oh I forgot to mention that he actually deleted his online profile a few days after we met.. haven't questioned him about this so not sure why! I could have sworn I just read this post the other day. Well anyway, if he wanted to he would have contacted you again by now. I would just let it go and move on to - NEXT!
make me believe Posted March 10, 2010 Posted March 10, 2010 I agree with the other posters. If he was interested, he would make time for you. Also, he'd take you out on a proper date, not invite you over to his place for drinks. All that says is that he wants to get in your pants. He probably took you on one real date just to get the formality out of the way and then invited you over for "drinks" aka sex, and when you declined he lost interest.
Awesome Username Posted March 10, 2010 Posted March 10, 2010 I agree with the other posters. If he was interested, he would make time for you. Also, he'd take you out on a proper date, not invite you over to his place for drinks. All that says is that he wants to get in your pants. He probably took you on one real date just to get the formality out of the way and then invited you over for "drinks" aka sex, and when you declined he lost interest. Don't take it personally. A lot of guys are like this, and will be like that regardless of what you're like or what you do. Bartenders are notorious for this type of behavior.
Ruby Slippers Posted March 10, 2010 Posted March 10, 2010 He's not that interested, and you are chasing him. Move on.
Author janey24 Posted March 11, 2010 Author Posted March 11, 2010 Ok I understand where everyone is coming from and kind of agree... but at the same time, when I go on the bus past where he works at night, he IS working in there, and no he didn't try to make any moves (aside from a kiss goodnight) or ask to come in etc when he has driven me home. He seemed like a nice, genuine guy when I met him - didn't fit the bartender 'player' stereotype at all.. so why would he lie when I have directly asked him where I stand??
SadandConfusedWA Posted March 11, 2010 Posted March 11, 2010 Busy people deal with multiple tasks by setting priorities. You are not a priority.
Ruby Slippers Posted March 11, 2010 Posted March 11, 2010 Busy people deal with multiple tasks by setting priorities. You are not a priority. Yep. I'm really busy, but if I like a guy (or my friends or whomever), I will find a way to spend time with them, even if it's just a quick lunch or something.
2sunny Posted March 11, 2010 Posted March 11, 2010 Ok I understand where everyone is coming from and kind of agree... but at the same time, when I go on the bus past where he works at night, he IS working in there, and no he didn't try to make any moves (aside from a kiss goodnight) or ask to come in etc when he has driven me home. He seemed like a nice, genuine guy when I met him - didn't fit the bartender 'player' stereotype at all.. so why would he lie when I have directly asked him where I stand?? he may already have another girl he's interested in and you are his backup plan in case it doesn't work out with gal #1. do you really want to beg him for a second place spot? that's what it looks like you are doing...
mushmush Posted March 11, 2010 Posted March 11, 2010 Hmmm Well I will weigh in here with a few comments from a guy that is in a similar situation as this guy "Dan" I work days as a 3d artist and nights as a bar tender. I'm 32 so over the whole playing games thing. Btw by the time you hit 30 your perspective on girls has changed a bit. My 3d career is just starting to take off. As in i'm working ALOT to update my skills, job hunt as well as doing work for clients. At the moment getting my career going is my number 1 priority. I work nights 4-5 nights a week, get home at 2 am and start the day again at 9am. Average work week for me atm is about 70 hours. so dating for me at the moment is just not a priority. No matter how much I like a girl my focus is my work and getting my career sorted and it has to be for the next few months. I went out with a girl just over a week ago who I'm really into. Unfortunatly I just do not have the time or the energy to date someone seriously let alone date multiple girls at the same time. I can find the time to send the odd text, phone occassionally but that is about it. It's not that I can't find the time, it's that I just do not have any spare time. It really ****ing sucks as well as I know this will come across as me having low interest and she will most likely move on.
Author janey24 Posted March 11, 2010 Author Posted March 11, 2010 Thanks for your comments mushmush - whether this guy ends up getting in touch or not, it's nice to hear things from a perspective other than "too busy= not interested" - whatever is going on with him, I'm not about to let it stop me going out, meet other people etc anyway
mushmush Posted March 11, 2010 Posted March 11, 2010 What ever will be, will be You have the right attitude about it. Keep going out and keep meeting people. Don't totally dismiss the guy but don't invest more emotions, time or effort than he is willing to give.
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