Crazyforhim Posted March 10, 2010 Posted March 10, 2010 Just wanted to give an update on MM and myself. Went NC in January for him to figure out what he wanted without me in the picture. Had a few slippages (email or brief phone calls), but did pretty well for the most part (no face to face interaction). Guess some would call it more of "taking a break" from the A since my long-term goal at this point was not 100% move on without ever talking to him again. During that time I found out alot of things about myself, some of which were suprising to me. First, I really didn't miss him and obsess over not talking to him like I thought I would. I had read so many threads on here with some really great advice and the thing that kept me grounded last month was definitely focusing on the present. I enjoyed spending time with my kids and enjoyed having the opportunity to refocus on me and the pieces of "me" I have lost over the years. Second, I also realized that regardless of whether he leaves or not, I made the right choice in leaving my M and would not return to it even if MM chose to stay in his. So I talked to MM last week and he has decided 100% he wants to leave the M. I said that's all well and good, but I have come so far in the last month, that I prefer to continue the "break" until you are out free and clear and then give you some time to grieve before starting a real relationship. He agreed with me completely and says he will contact me again once he moves out. He plans to move out in the next month, so we are now starting back with "phase 2" of the break. One good thing that has happened (and I know I owe ALOT of this to all these great fellow posters at LS) is that I have had the strength to stay away from him and not resumed the physical part of the A. I have seen first hand now during the break how emotionally draining the A itself was with all the roller coaster ride of emotions. I still love this man with all my heart, but am now distanced enough from the A to see how emotionally unhealthy it was for me and have no intentions of resuming an A with this man, only a healthy real relationship if the opportunity presents itself at some point. Thanks to everyone for the support you give daily. Although it may be contained within a thread and placed there directed to a specific person, many people read the threads and get support indirectly from your experiences!
jj33 Posted March 10, 2010 Posted March 10, 2010 Wow Crazy. That is great. You sound really strong and grounded. I hope it all works out for you. He sounds like he is being very mature about this too and taking the time he needs to make sure that your new relatoinship will have a solid foundation.
Confused4Now Posted March 10, 2010 Posted March 10, 2010 Last year in May I did a NC for 3 months and that was the best thing I ever did. I really took the time to focus on me worked out got in shape started doing things for me and noticed all the things i was missing in my life. So I can totally relate to what you're saying Crazy....so the important thing is..continue to stay focus on you cause the poor guy has a lot work to do.....even though I let my MW back into my life I have my crap under control and still continue to stay focus on myself, kids and family. I make time when I have it...but if i don't oh well....I think i just made up my mind I was not going to settle anymore. I'm also dating as well so DO YOU and stay focused on that!!!
Author Crazyforhim Posted March 10, 2010 Author Posted March 10, 2010 Thanks JJ and C4N for the kind words. I honestly think I am at the best place emotionally I've been in almost 2 years. It hasn't been easy but I've got a great IC who has been very supporting and non-judgmental. My IC did talk to MM during this past month and she says she feels he's the real thing and is very sincere in his love for me. I know we always hope that our AP is not the "cake eater" that is so stereotypically reflected on this board. Sometimes they are, sometimes they aren't. In my case, I guess only time will tell. I pretty much started out NC last month in the mindset that he wasn't leaving and I need to prepare my heart to move on and if he came back at the end of the month saying he needed to stay I was just that much further along in my healing process. Right now he says he's leaving, but I am still not getting my hopes up too high as I cannot possibly open myself up to that much heartache. I'll just keep on moving on with me and my life and then when and if he does leave, I'll just be pleasantly surprised! I left my M about 4 months ago and am just now getting to a point where things are being divided, emotions are settling down and life is getting into more of a normal routine with the kids. So if MM does leave in the next month, I realize that he still has a long way to go emotionally to get to the point I am at now. I think he's worth waiting for (at least for awhile), but then again I still have another 8 months before my D can be final so I'm definitely not worried about dating and getting into something serious again so soon either. But then again if he still isn't out of the house 9 months from now that's a different story
White Flower Posted March 10, 2010 Posted March 10, 2010 I am very happy for you. It is very nice that you got an affirmation from your IC regarding his intent. Best of luck and keep us posted.
pureinheart Posted March 10, 2010 Posted March 10, 2010 Just wanted to give an update on MM and myself. Went NC in January for him to figure out what he wanted without me in the picture. Had a few slippages (email or brief phone calls), but did pretty well for the most part (no face to face interaction). Guess some would call it more of "taking a break" from the A since my long-term goal at this point was not 100% move on without ever talking to him again. During that time I found out alot of things about myself, some of which were suprising to me. First, I really didn't miss him and obsess over not talking to him like I thought I would. I had read so many threads on here with some really great advice and the thing that kept me grounded last month was definitely focusing on the present. I enjoyed spending time with my kids and enjoyed having the opportunity to refocus on me and the pieces of "me" I have lost over the years. Second, I also realized that regardless of whether he leaves or not, I made the right choice in leaving my M and would not return to it even if MM chose to stay in his. So I talked to MM last week and he has decided 100% he wants to leave the M. I said that's all well and good, but I have come so far in the last month, that I prefer to continue the "break" until you are out free and clear and then give you some time to grieve before starting a real relationship. He agreed with me completely and says he will contact me again once he moves out. He plans to move out in the next month, so we are now starting back with "phase 2" of the break. One good thing that has happened (and I know I owe ALOT of this to all these great fellow posters at LS) is that I have had the strength to stay away from him and not resumed the physical part of the A. I have seen first hand now during the break how emotionally draining the A itself was with all the roller coaster ride of emotions. I still love this man with all my heart, but am now distanced enough from the A to see how emotionally unhealthy it was for me and have no intentions of resuming an A with this man, only a healthy real relationship if the opportunity presents itself at some point. Thanks to everyone for the support you give daily. Although it may be contained within a thread and placed there directed to a specific person, many people read the threads and get support indirectly from your experiences! Yeah!!!!! You know it's interesting how, once given the time to think, regroup, that we realise we CAN live without them and sometimes the mess involved. I know now that giving that type of power is scary, meaning noone should ever have that much power over another....I can live without exDM, or any man for that matter. Also it's not healthy for the OP to have that much resposibility/pressure. I hope you can wait until all is said and done, as D's can be extremely unhealthy as all of the hatred and games come into full play...this is the last "dying" effort. I turned into the fall person, although changed that very quick. I have had much in my life try to "kill me" per se, and I was not going to let this sitch do me in....nope. I wish you peace and prosperity.....
Recommended Posts