shadowplay Posted March 9, 2010 Posted March 9, 2010 Just for a little background info, we've been together three months. Things were going great until I accidentally got pregnant. I'm having an abortion tomorrow morning. A few weeks ago my attraction to him completely disappeared and was replaced with near revulsion. It was really like one day out of nowhere I just started feeling grossed out by him. Whenever I smell him (and he doesn't even smell bad), I literally have to suppress the urge to vomit. When I get in his car his smell is overpowering and I have to open the windows so I don't throw up. It's not just his smell. Everything about him down to his looks, mannerisms, expressions are completely turning me off. And it just keeps getting worse. I thought it was just the pregnancy, but now I'm worried that even after I get the abortion my feelings won't return. I feel so differently about him from how I used to at this point that it's hard for me to imagine ever feeling the same way again. WTF is going on? It's like my body and heart are revolting from my mind. It makes absolutely no sense. The only time I felt anything like this was when I got involved with my ex's friend. After seeing him a few times, I literally got disgusted when he was in the same room as me.
rina_r Posted March 9, 2010 Posted March 9, 2010 Have an abortion. Recuperate and get well, and only then start thinking about it all. Good luck.
alphamale Posted March 9, 2010 Posted March 9, 2010 your body is psychologically rejecting the father before your body rejects the fetus. most likely this will be the end of the relationship hang in there shadowplay, you know i love you
threebyfate Posted March 9, 2010 Posted March 9, 2010 Notice in both scenarios, you've tied a "bad experience" to the individuals?
alphamale Posted March 9, 2010 Posted March 9, 2010 Notice in both scenarios, you've tied a "bad experience" to the individuals? well what else do you tie the bleedin' bad expereinces to?
threebyfate Posted March 9, 2010 Posted March 9, 2010 well what else do you tie the bleedin' bad expereinces to?It depends on how your psychy copes. In her current pregnancy, it takes two to tango. In her prior experience, it also took two to tango.
Fouts Posted March 9, 2010 Posted March 9, 2010 3-4 months is usually when one person will get sick of the other (in your case literally) and the relationship will end. It's when the rose colored glasses come off and you start seeing the real person, for better or worse.
DeepThinker01 Posted March 9, 2010 Posted March 9, 2010 i went through something similar. i didn't get pregnant, but was a month late on my period and we both believed i was. hes a great guy and everything, but during those days that we both thought i was pregnant, i began feeling the same way. disgusted. i think it's very normal. after you get the abortion then your feelings might return. when we found out that i wasn't pregnant, within a short amount of time, things got back to normal. i really think that the abortion must be done if you are having those feelings. goood luck =)
carhill Posted March 9, 2010 Posted March 9, 2010 Best wishes for safe procedure tomorrow and I'd table this 'feeling' for a month and re-visit. Use those intellectual smarts you have and focus on the important stuff right now.
Stung Posted March 9, 2010 Posted March 9, 2010 Nobody can predict your future Shadow but this certainly doesn't bode well for your relationship. You haven't been together long enough to form a strong enough bond to work through something like this. In all likelihood at least some of your experience is hormonal...particularly, IMO, the smell issue...but my guess is you're also projecting some of your feelings onto him, kind of making him the actual personification of your fear, dismay, guilt, whatever. You're in a difficult emotional situation and it's not an uncommon coping mechanism, kind of a guilt by association thing. Have the procedure tomorrow and try to spend a couple of days resting and recovering before tackling this issue. When you're feeling up to facing the world again, then you can start exploring your feelings about your boyfriend. Be honest with him, he sounds like a decent guy who deserves that much. And while you're at that, you might want to start looking into how to dismantle this particular coping mechanism if it's a pattern with you.
Awesome Username Posted March 10, 2010 Posted March 10, 2010 I think that it has to do with both a mixture of your hormones, and going through this experience. I'd wait until the hormones evened out to make a big decision.
SadandConfusedWA Posted March 10, 2010 Posted March 10, 2010 My feeling was always that he is much more into you than you are into him and that the novelty of being adored will wear off. But I hope it's just the hormones.
xpaperxcutx Posted March 10, 2010 Posted March 10, 2010 S_P, I don't right now you you should be worrying about the " father" so much as worry about taking care of yourself first. Having an abortion could be traumatizing ( or so from what I hear) but you've been through it to know that you need to rest up afterwards. Worry about your body, and wait it out a few days before you even consider thinking about your boyfriend. I hope you get out safe.
Author shadowplay Posted March 11, 2010 Author Posted March 11, 2010 Thanks for the responses, guys. I got the abortion this morning and am happy to report that I'm already feeling a lot better about my boyfriend. I had no idea the change would be this immediate, but the physical revulsion has already disappeared 70% and I no longer feel much nausea in general or around him. My feelings of love are also returning. I think there might be a bit of residual stuff, but I can tell it will get a lot better as my hormones return to normal. I'm so happy that this is looking like it won't be permanent. Oh, I talked to my mother and she said she felt the same way about my father during the first trimester. She couldn't have him touch her and he was always irritating to her when he was in her presence. But then it went away. So maybe it runs in my family.
burning 4 revenge Posted March 11, 2010 Posted March 11, 2010 Thanks for the responses, guys. I got the abortion this morning and am happy to report that I'm already feeling a lot better about my boyfriend. I had no idea the change would be this immediate, but the physical revulsion has already disappeared 70% and I no longer feel much nausea in general or around him. My feelings of love are also returning. I think there might be a bit of residual stuff, but I can tell it will get a lot better as my hormones return to normal. I'm so happy that this is looking like it won't be permanent. Oh, I talked to my mother and she said she felt the same way about my father during the first trimester. She couldn't have him touch her and he was always irritating to her when he was in her presence. But then it went away. So maybe it runs in my family.What a beautiful story Someone should make it into a musical
Mr White Posted March 11, 2010 Posted March 11, 2010 So, let me get this straight - you impregnate a woman, and all happy and euphoric anticipate the kid with her. In the meantime, she hates your guts. What a way to ease into parenthood .
Author shadowplay Posted March 11, 2010 Author Posted March 11, 2010 (edited) So, let me get this straight - you impregnate a woman, and all happy and euphoric anticipate the kid with her. In the meantime, she hates your guts. What a way to ease into parenthood . Miscarriage is most common during the first trimester, so it makes sense that a woman's body would go into self protection mode. This means aversion to certain foods, things and in some cases people (especially if your mind is conditioned into associating a feeling of nausea with those people simply because they're always around when you're feeling sick). Basically anything in a woman's immediate environment becomes a potential irritant. Edited March 11, 2010 by shadowplay
carhill Posted March 11, 2010 Posted March 11, 2010 So, let me get this straight - you impregnate a woman, and all happy and euphoric anticipate the kid with her. In the meantime, she hates your guts. What a way to ease into parenthood . We had reason to believe that my stbx miscarried a couple times during our M (we never used BC because we wanted children) and, upon reflection, I can see a pattern of behavior which parallels what Shadow has shared. It, combined with our other issues, surely didn't boost my confidence in the M, but, now, I can see it's possible that hormones played a role, far beyond the usual PMS-type stuff. Good information
Author shadowplay Posted March 15, 2010 Author Posted March 15, 2010 Oh man. My feelings have come back for my boyfriend full blast. It's great. In fact, I feel even more in love with him than I did before the pregnancy. I can't stop thinking about him and spending the rest of my life with him.
tigressA Posted March 15, 2010 Posted March 15, 2010 Oh man. My feelings have come back for my boyfriend full blast. It's great. In fact, I feel even more in love with him than I did before the pregnancy. I can't stop thinking about him and spending the rest of my life with him. That's great, SP! Glad to hear that things are well again.
Star Gazer Posted April 29, 2010 Posted April 29, 2010 This thread = FREEDOM. I'm not following. Are you no longer having feelings for him?
stillafool Posted April 29, 2010 Posted April 29, 2010 Just for a little background info, we've been together three months. Things were going great until I accidentally got pregnant. I'm having an abortion tomorrow morning. A few weeks ago my attraction to him completely disappeared and was replaced with near revulsion. It was really like one day out of nowhere I just started feeling grossed out by him. Whenever I smell him (and he doesn't even smell bad), I literally have to suppress the urge to vomit. When I get in his car his smell is overpowering and I have to open the windows so I don't throw up. It's not just his smell. Everything about him down to his looks, mannerisms, expressions are completely turning me off. And it just keeps getting worse. I thought it was just the pregnancy, but now I'm worried that even after I get the abortion my feelings won't return. I feel so differently about him from how I used to at this point that it's hard for me to imagine ever feeling the same way again. WTF is going on? It's like my body and heart are revolting from my mind. It makes absolutely no sense. The only time I felt anything like this was when I got involved with my ex's friend. After seeing him a few times, I literally got disgusted when he was in the same room as me. Shadow, I don't think you are over your Ex yet and were maybe trying to like this guy more than you really did to get over your real love. I hope all goes well for you.
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