electricvanilla Posted March 9, 2010 Posted March 9, 2010 (edited) Avec moi?! While hanging with my boyfriend last week….I don’t remember how it came up, but basically he told me he doesn’t want to have sex with me. He said he doesn’t want me to end up regretting it (since he will be my first). Boy also mentioned that even if I do happen to be ready for it and want it, he will still not let it happen. There have been those times when things get heated and nothing really happens…to which he said he likes to tease me and that is all. TEASE!! For some reason this just makes me feel weird. Just wanted to know if this has ever happened to anyone? Is it because I’m a virgin and guys think the girl will be clingy after??? This is my first boyfriend…idk what to make of this. Personally, I don’t really care…I can wait another 22yrs…>_< but, it still makes me feel odd His birthday is coming up in 3 months and I had kinda planned this romantic outing…Condo on South beach Miami…rose petals…wine…blahblahblahhhh…I feel like I should just cancel it because…well….that was going to be one of the surprises >_< ...kinda offended. Edited March 9, 2010 by electricvanilla
boogieboy Posted March 10, 2010 Posted March 10, 2010 Forget the rose petals, hes a guy, he doesnt care about romance. You dont give your virginity to him for HIS birthday. Its supposed to just happen. My guess is he is teasing you to make you jump him so he doesnt have to put up with you starting the process and then stopping it, because youre uncomfortable, giving him blueballs. So if you want to do it, better rape him. Literally.
SincereOnlineGuy Posted March 10, 2010 Posted March 10, 2010 I think you'd do much better for yourself in direct, shared planning for your deflowering. Surprising him for his birthday with your cherry sounds far too high school-girlish... when the girl is the one who gives it up for the first time and is then left crying and regretting for the next few months, until she gets over it all on her own.
Els Posted March 10, 2010 Posted March 10, 2010 I'd hazard a guess that he's had a very bad experience with a girl who 'gave her first time' to him and then became overly-invested, obsessed and, yes, clingy. He possibly fears that you might be the same, and to him, a healthy relationship is more important than deflowering a girl. How old are both of you and how long have you been together? How are his opinions like with regard to sex and women in general? I'm not sure about where you live, but guys like these aren't all that uncommon where I live. It's supposedly 'respecting' the girl, which, although I fail to see the logic in it, I can appreciate the chivalry and self-control that goes along with this sort of thinking. Saying that he wouldn't do it even if you're sure is a bit much, though. Sounds like he doesn't trust you to know yourself and your own reactions.
carhill Posted March 10, 2010 Posted March 10, 2010 IMO, having been a virgin for a long time, sexual 'teasing', meaning stimulating another sexually and then leaving them 'hanging', is unhealthy and counterproductive behavior. It's fine to not have sex but, if the 'teasing' is making you uncomfortable, that's a boundary. I see a lack of respect for you on his part, even though, superficially, 'waiting' seems respectful. Waiting should be accompanied by respectful non-sexual physical affection and love. Adjunct with that should be respect for and interest in what you want wrt your sexual expressions I'm not seeing a healthy balance here. I would hazard a guess that you might be more mature about sex than he is. Not a good sign. Hope you work it out
make me believe Posted March 10, 2010 Posted March 10, 2010 Honestly, if you want to "give" him your virginity for his bday, you kinda do sound like the type of person to get clingy/super emotional afterwards. Sorry. The idea of "giving" him your virginity as a gift is just really creepy, imo. It's really mean of your bf to tease you though. I wouldn't waste my time with a guy who refused to fk me, that's for sure! How long have you two been together? Sex is generally a pretty important part of a healthy relationship, and if my bf was teasing me but then refused to make love to me I'd be really pissed.
Knittress Posted March 10, 2010 Posted March 10, 2010 Please don't make a 'gift' out of your sexuality. Sex is supposed to be a mutual communication of... raw lust, love, appreciation - something! Objectifying this makes the whole interaction seem one-sided and weird. Also, it seems like you're thinking more about what you want to give your boyfriend for his birthday more than what he'd actually WANT. Make your gifts about him, not you - or you'll both end up resenting the other.
St. Nick Posted March 10, 2010 Posted March 10, 2010 Please don't get offended, but I see three possibilities for his behavior: 1. He's gay. 2. He doesn't find you attractive. 3. He's a virgin himself. I don't see any other reason why he'd pull that "I don't wanna bang you but I'd rather tease you" bs.
meerkat stew Posted March 10, 2010 Posted March 10, 2010 Younger guys say all kinds of crazy things because they don't know how to process and handle emotions maturely, and though maybe confident sexually, are not so confident emotionally. Some of the crap I used to say to women in my teens and early twenties embarrasses me to this day. Would go by how he treats you and his actions rather than ridiculous things that come out of his mouth in the moment, same for dealing with young women.
Author electricvanilla Posted March 11, 2010 Author Posted March 11, 2010 How old are both of you and how long have you been together? How are his opinions like with regard to sex and women in general? I'm not sure about where you live, but guys like these aren't all that uncommon where I live. It's supposedly 'respecting' the girl, which, although I fail to see the logic in it, I can appreciate the chivalry and self-control that goes along with this sort of thinking. I am 22 & he is 21. We were dating for almost a year and became official like 3 months ago. I do respect his chivalrous acts...he is quite diff from the others. In my town this is not common at all, lol. It's quite sad, really. This is different and I like it...just not being teased. Perhaps he doesn't care for it? Please don't make a 'gift' out of your sexuality. Sex is supposed to be a mutual communication of... raw lust, love, appreciation - something! Objectifying this makes the whole interaction seem one-sided and weird. Ugh. Yes. VERY true. v_v I figured it was a bad idea...not something that should be planned. Stupid idea on my part. Idk...too much into it I guess. Lol, most likely it wouldn't have happened...just the fact of being on the beach in Miami is what I wanted bc I know he likes it there. Please don't get offended, but I see three possibilities for his behavior: 1. He's gay. 2. He doesn't find you attractive. 3. He's a virgin himself. I don't see any other reason why he'd pull that "I don't wanna bang you but I'd rather tease you" bs. LOL. >_< He seems pretty straight...I would hope not He always compliments...idk y he would lie if he can just find sum1 else? He says he is not & has experience idkkkkkkkkkk:bunny:
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