bluebird25 Posted March 9, 2010 Posted March 9, 2010 Hi all, This is my first post, but I've always been a lurker. I just found out that my boyfriend of 2 years cheated on me multiple times. He was my first, and I loved him deeply. I really wanted to be with him for the rest of my life. Or maybe that was my young naive self believing that it could be possible for your first to be your only in life and love. It doesn't matter now anyways. Bad timing to find out now since I'm still in school full-time. It's been a tough semester already, and I was already having a hard time with my courses prior to finding out about his unfaithfulness. I detest them, and I guess that has contributed to my poor marks right now. And I was always one to get high marks. These courses just weren't clicking with me. What are some ways to power through this? Tips to motivation? Ways to cope? I wish it could be 2 months from now but until then, I have papers to write and finals to study for. I don't think professors will excuse a person's performance on the fact their boyfriend/girlfriend cheated on him/her, nor should that be a legitimate excuse to do poorly. I just want to fly away to somewhere far from here. Or maybe just sleep until this pain goes away. But I can't. I HAVE to do well, or at least try to do the best I can, in these courses. It's crunch time.
cuppa Posted March 10, 2010 Posted March 10, 2010 well two ways I think: Avoidance Or full cycle of acceptance: 1. Denial. 2. Anger. 3. Depression. 4. Bargaining. 5. Acceptance. I am in similar situation myself. Typically like today, I called in sick, threw myself a pity party (chocolate, coffee) and exercise here and there. Then the next day, I will come back with a vengeance (at least I hope I will be able to). Maybe at least allow one day to mourn on your relationship (cry your heart out, eat chocolate or power bar or whatever that helps you, listen to the sad song) and the put it all behind you and charge forward. Good luck.
hendersongirl Posted March 10, 2010 Posted March 10, 2010 Good advice from cuppa. Allowing yourself a small amount of time to really just grieve, be angry, etc, can be amazingly therapeutic. I have another tip, which has worked for me in the past (used in conjunction with cuppa's idea). Convince yourself that you doing well on these courses will get back at him for what he did. Connect the two things. Turn your anger at him into energy for studying, turn your sadness and hurt into motivation to do something good that will give you good results, make him regret what he did, because look what a fabulously smart person you are, and he stuffed it up with you, what an idiot!! Think about how great it would be if you get all these top marks and could rub it in his face, like you being free of him made you all the better for it. I know that this isn't the most healthy way to deal with it long-term, but what you want right NOW is motivation, right? After it's all over, THEN start the slower, healthier healing process.
DeepThinker01 Posted March 23, 2010 Posted March 23, 2010 You responded to one of my posts so you already know some of what I went through. Our rough time happened about a year ago and i'm not over it. Never will be. It won't ever stop hurting. =(If you don't mind me asking, how did you find out he cheated on you? Did you go through the computer or did he tell you what he was doing?
Recommended Posts