JessaL Posted March 9, 2010 Posted March 9, 2010 When your SO asks you for an honest opinion on something that reflects on his character or personality, do you think it's a good idea or a bad idea to answer the question honestly? What if your SO is sensitive about criticism (if it seems that he might be wrong about something, or in the wrong)? How do you handle that, or address that? What if your SO is very free with {veiled} unsolicited criticism about you, including your physical features? In regards to that last: I personally would never dream of commenting on my SO's looks in a negative way, not even joking. My SO does it to me all the time.
marsle85 Posted March 9, 2010 Posted March 9, 2010 In these matters babe, I think it's not a matter of being honest with your SO, but being honest with yourself. Do you catch my drift?
Stung Posted March 9, 2010 Posted March 9, 2010 I am honest to what some people consider a fault, but I am also diplomatic. I would never criticize a SO's appearance, unless it was something easily changeable and they asked for my opinion (i.e. wardrobe or haircut). But then I wouldn't be with someone if I didn't find them reasonably attractive in their own way, and I learn to love most of the little quirks and foibles, divots and moles. As for a SO's character flaws, if they ask I will give my impression. I will also be sure to couch it as my subjective opinion and try to keep everything constructive, aimed towards betterment. Of course, the hard part is that then I have to be open to hearing about my character flaws, too ! But, shouldn't we all be trying to improve ourselves throughout our lives? How can we achieve this without a little help to see outside our own perspective from time to time, uncomfortable though that sometimes can be? I have had boyfriends in the past who were put off by this honesty, but it's what works for me and my husband welcomes it as he puts a higher value on truth than pleasing illusion, as do I.
blue.iris Posted March 9, 2010 Posted March 9, 2010 When your SO asks you for an honest opinion on something that reflects on his character or personality, do you think it's a good idea or a bad idea to answer the question honestly? What if your SO is sensitive about criticism (if it seems that he might be wrong about something, or in the wrong)? How do you handle that, or address that? What if your SO is very free with {veiled} unsolicited criticism about you, including your physical features? In regards to that last: I personally would never dream of commenting on my SO's looks in a negative way, not even joking. My SO does it to me all the time. - It's a good idea to be honest about personality/characer. -He's not sensitive about criticism, though he doesn't really have many flaws. -He's never said anything bad about my physical features, except maybe I am too thin. However he has criticized my disregard for extreme neatness. I'm messy What types of comments does your SO make? Have you told him you're hurt by his behavior?
TouchedByViolet Posted March 9, 2010 Posted March 9, 2010 You should be honest when trying to be productive or if you know it is funny (for your SO as well as yourself). But just bashing someone and making them feel little because they don't look a cerain way, or make a certain amount of money, or focusing on an insecurity is not a good idea
Author JessaL Posted March 9, 2010 Author Posted March 9, 2010 Well comments he makes definitely aren't intended to be mean or rude, and generally his comments don't exactly hurt my feelings, but fall on a spectrum that runs from annoyed to pissed off. The only time I've felt decisively hurt by a comment from him was one on my weight (too skinny), because it directly impacted how I felt about his attraction to me/sex; I don't think he'll ever make that mistake again. (Of course he still makes comments about me eating and whatnot, but I don't think he's dumb enough to repeat what he said that one time.) He will just make casual comments, not like he's critiquing me exactly (hard to describe), but he'll say that I have man hands (I have very square palms, which make them look large, even though they're not), that I have huge nipples, my feet are too big, my nose is "bulbous"...things like that. (Gosh, I nearly want to post pictures to prove that these comments are ridiculous .) He says really specific things, but then the only compliments he gives me are general (that I'm pretty or hot basically). I'm trying to think of character/personality comments that he's made, and I can't really, so maybe I'm making that part up. The only thing I can think of is that sometimes I feel shy, and he's made what I consider to be snotty passive/aggressive comments about that in regards to how I act in front of his friends or parents. Now that I think of it, I probably make more character assignations toward him than he does to me. Upbringing could have something to do with it; he and his family are VERY open, while me and my family are more WASP-y and conservative (yeah it's a stereotype, but we fit it). Mostly I started this thread because of the issues I brought up here, and because of things I've been thinking about in regards to two other threads (annoyance vs. dealbreaker and bf's roommates)
Recommended Posts