brwneyedgrl3333 Posted March 9, 2010 Posted March 9, 2010 First of all...count your blessings if it DOESN'T happen...if they DON'T contact you in any way, shape or form. I posted about a week or so ago that my ex had sent a 6 word email after 8 weeks of complete NC and after the initial shock and surprise wore off, I felt better then I'd felt since before the breakup last December. I felt that that pathetic little contact was enough to help me over the hump and toward moving on a bit better. Did he want me back?...I would guess no.....was it a little hook jiggling around to see if I'd bite?...I don't know that either...I don't know WHAT it was but I do know what it wasn't. It WASN'T a positive thing. It feels bad. The good blast I felt initially is gone with an even bigger slide back to where I was weeks ago. All he said was, "Would you like to meet somewhere?".....I felt that I had gotten just a little bit of my power back and decided immediately that I would maintain NC and I have hung tight and stayed true to myself. And...I felt angry ...how dare he send 6 little words thinking I'd seriously respond to THAT? I have heard no more from him and don't expect to. I wish I never would have. I don't want to be stressing and wondering if he'll try again...I HATE having that thought pop in and out of my mind now. Will he or won't he? What are the odds? I DON'T want to give a rat's a** to be honest. I felt so good the first 3 days or so after. I felt like I had finally gotten validation of sorts. 4-5 days after that email, my mind started to rethink things, recycle through thoughts and memories. I remember distinctly having the thought, "Oh no!" go through my mind as the wheels started whiring in my head a few days ago and today, 9 days after he sent that...I feel way too set back...it's NOT a nice place to be back to. So...think long and hard if contact from the ex is REALLY, truely something you could deal with. I wished for it...I held out just a bit of hope...it happened and I wish I could go back to 10 days ago.
teanoranges Posted March 9, 2010 Posted March 9, 2010 well said. everyday there's a mixture of hoping to hear from him, of him, etc... and a hope to forget completely. Life is going well... its scary
ingridh Posted March 9, 2010 Posted March 9, 2010 everyday there's a mixture of hoping to hear from him, of him, etc.. This is so very true.... though NC for almost a month now, despite hating him and having torturing thoughts of him in love and happy with his new young girlfriend whom he dumped me for, I still constantly check my phone to see if he has texted :bangingheadonwall:
unsaved Posted March 9, 2010 Posted March 9, 2010 Wow browneyedgirl, you are so strong. I keep thinking about what if MY ex contacted me weeks or months down the road after I had been healing with NC for so long. That would be SO TOUGH. I just hope that if that were to ever happen to me, I would have the strength not to write back like you! Keep it up, girl! You are an inspiration to us all!
just1guy Posted March 9, 2010 Posted March 9, 2010 Thanks for the post. Every day, I also have that mixture of hope that she'll contact me, but then I get mad at myself because of the lack of respect that she had for me / us during the last year of our relationship. I've dreamt of what would happen if we'd meet up or talk again, and every night, it's a different outcome. I'm still pissed at her for just moving on to a new guy a couple of weeks after we broke up and despite the fact that I wish them nothing but a pitiful future, I have a small thought that I want her back...ugh this sucks.
Fouts Posted March 9, 2010 Posted March 9, 2010 Once you get over the fact that 99% of it is just the ego hit that is killing you, you get over it. A normal, mentally healthy person does not truly want someone back who is falling in love with someone else and making love to them every night. Their ego just can't handle it and they want to get that person back to feel some type of reassurance that they're still loved and wanted.
Rearden Metal Posted March 9, 2010 Posted March 9, 2010 Once you get over the fact that 99% of it is just the ego hit that is killing you, you get over it. A normal, mentally healthy person does not truly want someone back who is falling in love with someone else and making love to them every night. Their ego just can't handle it and they want to get that person back to feel some type of reassurance that they're still loved and wanted. Ding ding ding!!! Dude, write a book. I'll pre-order it.
teanoranges Posted March 10, 2010 Posted March 10, 2010 Once you get over the fact that 99% of it is just the ego hit that is killing you, you get over it. A normal, mentally healthy person does not truly want someone back who is falling in love with someone else and making love to them every night. Their ego just can't handle it and they want to get that person back to feel some type of reassurance that they're still loved and wanted. Exactly!! I've been struggling with this for a while now! pleeease tell me how to kill my ego. haha.
The Paper Knight Posted March 10, 2010 Posted March 10, 2010 All he said was, "Would you like to meet somewhere?" You could just reply with "sure" and see how far they will go. But that depends on how much you have healed. I find an ex wanting me back is quite amusing, but hey we all make mistakes.
The Paper Knight Posted March 10, 2010 Posted March 10, 2010 pleeease tell me how to kill my ego. haha. To kill your ego is to destroy yourself! Humility is like a medicinal tea, it tastes strong and bitter, but we know it is good for us.
Author brwneyedgrl3333 Posted March 10, 2010 Author Posted March 10, 2010 well said. everyday there's a mixture of hoping to hear from him, of him, etc... and a hope to forget completely. Life is going well... its scary Keep working on letting go...the hope part does nothing much more then keep part of you hanging on. I know this for fact. Good to here that life is going well teaoranges!! That's a definate onward sign for sure!
Author brwneyedgrl3333 Posted March 10, 2010 Author Posted March 10, 2010 This is so very true.... though NC for almost a month now, despite hating him and having torturing thoughts of him in love and happy with his new young girlfriend whom he dumped me for, I still constantly check my phone to see if he has texted :bangingheadonwall: Hang tough ingridh...the first month is the worst...it DOES get better...promise!!
Author brwneyedgrl3333 Posted March 10, 2010 Author Posted March 10, 2010 Wow browneyedgirl, you are so strong. I keep thinking about what if MY ex contacted me weeks or months down the road after I had been healing with NC for so long. That would be SO TOUGH. I just hope that if that were to ever happen to me, I would have the strength not to write back like you! Keep it up, girl! You are an inspiration to us all! Thank you unsaved!!...Do it a day at a time and tell yourself YOU ...are worth so much more then scraps...Just stay strong...the pay off for you will be SO worth the pain of all this right now. It's not always easy...but it has to be done to get past all the yuck and be able to move on once and for all!!! You'll do just fine!!
Author brwneyedgrl3333 Posted March 10, 2010 Author Posted March 10, 2010 Once you get over the fact that 99% of it is just the ego hit that is killing you, you get over it. A normal, mentally healthy person does not truly want someone back who is falling in love with someone else and making love to them every night. Their ego just can't handle it and they want to get that person back to feel some type of reassurance that they're still loved and wanted. No doubt Fouts....ego is alot of it. Mine's due for a good tweeking.
Author brwneyedgrl3333 Posted March 10, 2010 Author Posted March 10, 2010 You could just reply with "sure" and see how far they will go. But that depends on how much you have healed. I find an ex wanting me back is quite amusing, but hey we all make mistakes. Hey Paper Knight...Naw...not EVEN going there..He HAD the best of me he's ever going to get.....I won't even throw him a SCRAP. His loss.
SimplyIzzy2010 Posted March 10, 2010 Posted March 10, 2010 Brown eyes, I agree. After 5 months NC I gave in, answered his calls, went back, and 5 months later, here I am. He cheated. They never, ever, ever change. I can vouch for that. I wish I wouldn't have interrupted my healing process. But thanks to the prior 5 month NC I'm doing excellent
WiseOne1 Posted March 10, 2010 Posted March 10, 2010 98% of pain after relationship is EGO. It's your self confidence, you may feel like you have lost some of your self respect, your ego might even be damaged and your left thinking...what's wrong with me?... It's been proven many times over that EGO is a strong emotion, just like jealousy and hate. Years ago I dumped a ex gf, she got back with me just to dump me....wow... Once you can conquer and control your EGO and know that you can't always win or come out on top, you'll be in a much better place.
leoine Posted March 10, 2010 Posted March 10, 2010 You're right WiseOne (apt name) I really want my ex to contact me - just so i can ignore him. Its an ego thing. However, I think I know that I will never get that chance.
tylerdurden Posted March 10, 2010 Posted March 10, 2010 You're right WiseOne (apt name) I really want my ex to contact me - just so i can ignore him. Its an ego thing. However, I think I know that I will never get that chance. This has just happened to me...an email after 12 days NC...the waiting part was hard, but not answering it is great...I ve got the power back, I agree its very good for your ego, and it feels great for now! There is one thing helping me:If you treated her/him the best way possible and tried everything to fix the relationship, even letting them know that you want(ed) them back...Well its THEIR loss, not ours. At least there is no regret!
sedgwick Posted March 11, 2010 Posted March 11, 2010 I am SO proud of you! Nice job!! As has been said on here many times before, if they want you back they have to work for it. Nothing short of calling you on the phone (none of this email or text business) and saying, "I love you, I made a mistake, and I want you back," is good enough. And it should, preferably, be said in person.
Author brwneyedgrl3333 Posted March 11, 2010 Author Posted March 11, 2010 Brown eyes, I agree. After 5 months NC I gave in, answered his calls, went back, and 5 months later, here I am. He cheated. They never, ever, ever change. I can vouch for that. I wish I wouldn't have interrupted my healing process. But thanks to the prior 5 month NC I'm doing excellent SimplyIzzy...So good to read that you are doing great! I'm sorry you went thru that a second time. Yuck! You hung tight for 5 months...that's a long time. What made you decide to break NC at that point if you don't mind me asking? Stories like yours are a HUGE part of why I'll maintain NC indefinately. Even when I get to the point of complete indifference I still have NO desire to have ANY sort of relationship with my ex. He's NOT "friend" material. Can't see my ex ever trying to call so that helps but I have to admit, when I open my email I've been a little nervous. He's not the sort of guy to relentlessly try to get me to respond. I think by NOT responding at all to his email made it clear where I stand. I hope it did.
Author brwneyedgrl3333 Posted March 11, 2010 Author Posted March 11, 2010 98% of pain after relationship is EGO. It's your self confidence, you may feel like you have lost some of your self respect, your ego might even be damaged and your left thinking...what's wrong with me?... It's been proven many times over that EGO is a strong emotion, just like jealousy and hate. Years ago I dumped a ex gf, she got back with me just to dump me....wow... Once you can conquer and control your EGO and know that you can't always win or come out on top, you'll be in a much better place. WiseOne...Oh yeah...definately took a horrible hit to my self esteem and self respect. It's gotten better. And an ex got back together with you just to dump you?? Just ouch.
Author brwneyedgrl3333 Posted March 11, 2010 Author Posted March 11, 2010 You're right WiseOne (apt name) I really want my ex to contact me - just so i can ignore him. Its an ego thing. However, I think I know that I will never get that chance. NEVER say never leoine! If it can happen with my, trust me on this one....it can happen with ANYONE'S!
Author brwneyedgrl3333 Posted March 11, 2010 Author Posted March 11, 2010 This has just happened to me...an email after 12 days NC...the waiting part was hard, but not answering it is great...I ve got the power back, I agree its very good for your ego, and it feels great for now! There is one thing helping me:If you treated her/him the best way possible and tried everything to fix the relationship, even letting them know that you want(ed) them back...Well its THEIR loss, not ours. At least there is no regret! I agree Tyler...I too treated my ex wonderful. I also made it clear the night he broke things off that I was more then willing to do my part in working thru any issues...he wouldn't have it as he couldn't pinpoint a definate issue to break things off to begin with. And like you...I believe it IS his loss. 71 days NC for me and counting....looking forward to it being 371 or when the day finally comes that I just don't bother counting anymore! Stay strong with your NC!
Author brwneyedgrl3333 Posted March 11, 2010 Author Posted March 11, 2010 I am SO proud of you! Nice job!! As has been said on here many times before, if they want you back they have to work for it. Nothing short of calling you on the phone (none of this email or text business) and saying, "I love you, I made a mistake, and I want you back," is good enough. And it should, preferably, be said in person. Thank you sedgwick. I totally agree. A 6 word email asking if I want to meet somewhere, doesn't even come CLOSE to cutting it! I can't see him doing anything more then what he's done contact-wise and I'm worn out with wondering about it. All because he felt the need to throw me a scrap....ticks me off still. My question is how could a 44 year old man SERIOUSLY believe any woman would respond to that, if at all?? Boggles my mind. Anyway...Sunday will be 2 weeks since that pathetic little....what ever you want to call it, popped into my email. I think the worst is over. Regardless....I'm hanging tight.
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