Tasha1675 Posted March 9, 2010 Posted March 9, 2010 It's almost five months since he broke it off and I am doing great but oh I still miss him so much. We've been in NC more or less since the break up and I so want to hear his voice. I wish I could speak to him and see how he is, my life has changed so much and I am sure his has too. Someone talk me out of not emailing him! I guess it would be a bad idea wouldn't it, especially as I still love him
Andrew1984 Posted March 9, 2010 Posted March 9, 2010 Tasha, I dont know what the terms of the breakup was or how it went. So I cant offer you advice on weather or not to contact him. its been about 8 months since my ex left suddenly out of the blue. Shes now moved on with someone else, but im still hung up on her, like you. I dont think this is healthy. Letting go has to be the key. So I know exactly how you feel. If I may make a blind suggestion I will say stay strong and dont contact him, work on letting him go from your mind. theres no point in loving someone that dosent want to be with you.
Bulletino Posted March 9, 2010 Posted March 9, 2010 Why should it be a bad idea? If you still love him? Perhaps he's hoping that you are contacting him. If you haven't tried, you'll never know!
Andrew1984 Posted March 9, 2010 Posted March 9, 2010 well if she does that she should be prepared for rejection, again. it could happen.
Bulletino Posted March 9, 2010 Posted March 9, 2010 Yeah well it could happen, or not! That's the question. And if that question keeps unanswered you only will and keep think about it. And if she gets the rejection then she knows that she have to let him go..
Andrew1984 Posted March 9, 2010 Posted March 9, 2010 this is true its hard to say without knowing the details but even then its hard to say.
Bulletino Posted March 9, 2010 Posted March 9, 2010 Yeah of course it's hard to say! but if you don't try? you'll never find out. So that's why she has to give it a try, perhaps he isn't waiting for her or he is, but he's a stub horn haha.
Author Tasha1675 Posted March 9, 2010 Author Posted March 9, 2010 Thank you for your responses and sorry for taking so long to reply The thing is, he ended it, we were living together and he decided that as he knew that I wanted to eventually settle down and he didn't feel ready despite loving me, he thought it was better to break up now than him do something stupid and ruin it anyway. It was a really sad break up and we told each other how much we loved each other and that was it. We haven't spoken since. He contacted a friend of mine 2 months ago to find out how I was and he told her that he couldn't contact me direct as he still loved me. I just wonder if he still feels this way now or if he has moved on. I know in a way it probably would be bad to contact him and I guess if he has anything worth saying, surely he would get in touch with me directly anyway. I just feel so many great things have happened (getting accepted into uni and getting a new job etc) and I just want to tell him as I am sure he'd be thrilled for me. But then again, it may just boost his ego and confirm to him that he did the right thing...aagh! I don't know!
Andrew1984 Posted March 10, 2010 Posted March 10, 2010 you keep saying its a bad idea, why? im not so sure.
Bulletino Posted March 10, 2010 Posted March 10, 2010 you keep saying its a bad idea, why? im not so sure. Give it a shot! there's nothing to lose:o
Author Tasha1675 Posted March 10, 2010 Author Posted March 10, 2010 you keep saying its a bad idea, why? im not so sure. I guess just because he ended it and everyone keeps saying NC is the only way to go. I suppose I am afraid of what his response will be too...
monkeymaid Posted March 10, 2010 Posted March 10, 2010 i heard a saying from a guy on his death bed ...the only regret that i have is that i ever regretted at all. ...youve made it this far, you will survive. i say go for it. u may be pleasently surprised!
Author Tasha1675 Posted March 11, 2010 Author Posted March 11, 2010 i heard a saying from a guy on his death bed ...the only regret that i have is that i ever regretted at all. ...youve made it this far, you will survive. i say go for it. u may be pleasently surprised! Yeah maybe I need to see his reaction to move on or something... thanks for your advice. I'll think about it some more
Bulletino Posted March 11, 2010 Posted March 11, 2010 Yeah maybe I need to see his reaction to move on or something... thanks for your advice. I'll think about it some more I think you will make the right decision to ask him directly in the e-mail, maybe you'll get back together or that you can move on. Will you keep us posted?
sedgwick Posted March 11, 2010 Posted March 11, 2010 The fact of the matter is that he ended it. He can't give you what you want, and you still love him, so contacting him can only hurt you. If he had had a change of heart and wanted to commit, he would have let you know. You really do have to do whatever is necessary to protect your own heart without worrying about what he thinks/feels/wants. My ex attempted friendship with me a year after he dumped me, but I still loved him so I told him not to call me again. Of course all I want is to hear his voice, but I know it would hurt me so I can't. I have to look out for myself first.
SimplyIzzy2010 Posted March 11, 2010 Posted March 11, 2010 i agree with sedgwick, if he has something to say then he will come to you, as he was the one that broke it off. sometimes you just have to fight those urges...i'm right there with ya, i also got accepted to my uni and it sucked not getting on the phone and telling him, but instead i just smiled and shook it off. But idk, i guess if you guys didn't break up in really bad terms you could...but its all up to you and what YOU feel you should do!
Author Tasha1675 Posted March 11, 2010 Author Posted March 11, 2010 Yeah I am going to try to keep fighting the urge to reach out to him. The fact that he hasn't reached out to me, even for friendship says it all really doesn't it? It's just horrible to think he will never be in my life but I guess as I still love him now, it is the best way for now. I wish I didn't feel this way!
SimplyIzzy2010 Posted March 12, 2010 Posted March 12, 2010 I know its so so hard, and I think what makes it so much worse is that we're thinking "wow, we're never going to see them again" and we get crushed by this overwhelming sadness. But what you have to remember is that if we really don't ever see them again, it was by THEIR choice, not ours. When this wave threatens to overwhelm you, go listen to sad songs, sing, and cry. Then sing some empowering songs. And then it will all be better. Because I don't want you to email him. It'll make him feel like he's just too amazing. He let you go, so he should make amends, and suffer a little bit, but if he doesn't make amends, then don't worry! We're off to uni, we're in the prime of our life. We can do it. You have to just think think think positive and everything will eventually become positive!
USMCHokie Posted March 12, 2010 Posted March 12, 2010 I think what makes it so much worse is that we're thinking "wow, we're never going to see them again" and we get crushed by this overwhelming sadness. But what you have to remember is that if we really don't ever see them again, it was by THEIR choice, not ours. This is easily the toughest part about all of this...
Author Tasha1675 Posted March 12, 2010 Author Posted March 12, 2010 I know its so so hard, and I think what makes it so much worse is that we're thinking "wow, we're never going to see them again" and we get crushed by this overwhelming sadness. But what you have to remember is that if we really don't ever see them again, it was by THEIR choice, not ours. When this wave threatens to overwhelm you, go listen to sad songs, sing, and cry. Then sing some empowering songs. And then it will all be better. Because I don't want you to email him. It'll make him feel like he's just too amazing. He let you go, so he should make amends, and suffer a little bit, but if he doesn't make amends, then don't worry! We're off to uni, we're in the prime of our life. We can do it. You have to just think think think positive and everything will eventually become positive! Yeah you are absolutely right, and that is the worst part, it's very sad. I guess you never know what is going to happen in the future though and yes, uni will be great, lots of new people to meet etc! I won't send the email, have done a bit of crying and that helps just to get it out! If my ex never tries to make amends in any shape or form, then he just wasn't worth it and I am glad I didn't spend any more of my time with him
Author Tasha1675 Posted March 12, 2010 Author Posted March 12, 2010 So I am posting my email on here instead of sending it to him. Just need to put it somewhere... Dear How are you? Well it's been almost five months since we broke up and I finally feel like I am moving on as I am sure you do too. So I thought that instead of pretending that you don't exist, that it would be nice to check in with you once in a while and say hi. Life's too short and I would hate to get really old and look back and wish that I'd spoken to you every now and again, even if it is just over email. So how are things? I am guessing you are still in London? How is your job going there? And your course? So what else...is your house nice? Do you have cool housemates etc? Bet it's quite different to living in that flat! Do you have an actual lounge to sit in?! Ooh and a table to eat dinner at?! I hope so, that flat was nice but I didn't realise how much I missed sitting on a sofa and at the dinner table sometimes! Have you managed to go out much with T? I know you thought you'd be doing that more, so say hi to him from me if you see him. I am still at Mum and Dad's, not for too much longer hopefully though. It's been a godsend what with not working initially but things are good now. I am working in the Autistic unit at a special needs school. It's so cool, I love it so much! The kids are brilliant, they are hard work but delightful too! I wish I could have found something like that in London really as I am so much happier now but that's life. I am volunteering too - you'd be so impressed! I volunteer with people in a nursing home who have dementia which was scary to start with but I really enjoy it now. I am also volunteering with stroke patients and I do home visits for a lady who had a stroke last year and I help her with her speech and writing. It's all been a huge challenge for me but I am getting so much out of it so it's just great! I am hoping to go to uni in September to do Speech & Language therapy. I've been working so hard to get a place and I have had an offer and a couple of interviews for places so fingers crossed! I've actually had to do an A Level to show I can still study which has been a nightmare as I am doing it in under half the usual time and I hate it! hehe! I am looking forward to studying at uni though, the course sounds amazing. Did your Mum tell you I saw her a while ago now? It was nice to say hello, just for a min. Feels like so long since I saw you and your family. I guess it is a long time really. I hope all is good with you and you are getting on well with your course and stuff. I am truly sorry that things didn't go better for us but I have to say that I learnt a lot from our relationship and the break up and I don't regret a single second of the time we spent together. What did you do with that kettlebell by the way?! Hope you've managed to use it Me
Bulletino Posted March 12, 2010 Posted March 12, 2010 So I am posting my email on here instead of sending it to him. Just need to put it somewhere... Dear How are you? Well it's been almost five months since we broke up and I finally feel like I am moving on as I am sure you do too. So I thought that instead of pretending that you don't exist, that it would be nice to check in with you once in a while and say hi. Life's too short and I would hate to get really old and look back and wish that I'd spoken to you every now and again, even if it is just over email. So how are things? I am guessing you are still in London? How is your job going there? And your course? So what else...is your house nice? Do you have cool housemates etc? Bet it's quite different to living in that flat! Do you have an actual lounge to sit in?! Ooh and a table to eat dinner at?! I hope so, that flat was nice but I didn't realise how much I missed sitting on a sofa and at the dinner table sometimes! Have you managed to go out much with T? I know you thought you'd be doing that more, so say hi to him from me if you see him. I am still at Mum and Dad's, not for too much longer hopefully though. It's been a godsend what with not working initially but things are good now. I am working in the Autistic unit at a special needs school. It's so cool, I love it so much! The kids are brilliant, they are hard work but delightful too! I wish I could have found something like that in London really as I am so much happier now but that's life. I am volunteering too - you'd be so impressed! I volunteer with people in a nursing home who have dementia which was scary to start with but I really enjoy it now. I am also volunteering with stroke patients and I do home visits for a lady who had a stroke last year and I help her with her speech and writing. It's all been a huge challenge for me but I am getting so much out of it so it's just great! I am hoping to go to uni in September to do Speech & Language therapy. I've been working so hard to get a place and I have had an offer and a couple of interviews for places so fingers crossed! I've actually had to do an A Level to show I can still study which has been a nightmare as I am doing it in under half the usual time and I hate it! hehe! I am looking forward to studying at uni though, the course sounds amazing. Did your Mum tell you I saw her a while ago now? It was nice to say hello, just for a min. Feels like so long since I saw you and your family. I guess it is a long time really. I hope all is good with you and you are getting on well with your course and stuff. I am truly sorry that things didn't go better for us but I have to say that I learnt a lot from our relationship and the break up and I don't regret a single second of the time we spent together. What did you do with that kettlebell by the way?! Hope you've managed to use it Me One word! Beautiful!
spriggig Posted March 13, 2010 Posted March 13, 2010 Yeah maybe I need to see his reaction to move on or something... thanks for your advice. I'll think about it some more This would be the only reason to contact him--if you need to feel a more solid rejection to let go of him. I had to push my wife to get her to reject me outright instead of half-assed because I couldn't stand the stress of my perceived limbo. It helped, I'm less stressed but I still harbor some hope so it wasn't a cure-all.
Rearden Metal Posted March 13, 2010 Posted March 13, 2010 This would be the only reason to contact him--if you need to feel a more solid rejection to let go of him. I had to push my wife to get her to reject me outright instead of half-assed because I couldn't stand the stress of my perceived limbo. It helped, I'm less stressed but I still harbor some hope so it wasn't a cure-all. I think I did this, too. It's painful but far better than being in a constant state of hopefulness.
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