Lishy Posted March 9, 2010 Posted March 9, 2010 2 Saturdays ago I went on a date with a guy I knew when I was young, I have not seen him in 18 years but he joined Facebook and after 2 weeks of talking nearly every night he asked me out for dinner. I dont really date anyone as I am sort of burned by men and find it hard to trust and when he asked I panicked but decided to go for it as I sort of knew him anyway and I know lots of people who know him Anyway so we went for dinner, it went much better than I thought, he opened doors for me, we spoke non stop about lots of different subjects, we had such a laugh and he touched my and a few times over the table, he insisted on paying even though I offered to split, he suggested we went to a bar after and we did and spent another hour just talking and laughing. He asked me out again for the following Saturday to which I said yes and then he dropped me home and we had a little kiss which was lovely ANYWAY .... fast forward a week. We spoke after every night on Facebook and had a laugh about some of the subjects we spoke about etc and we have the same sense of humour but he never mentioned the second date again. Now I am normally the sort who will let a guy ask but all of my friends were saying "just ask him, why should it always be the man" so I sent him a text asking if he still wanted to go out Saturday (the one just gone) to which he replied that he couldnt as he had his daughter ... That is all fine EXCEPT he didnt say but lets do it another time. Infact he has not once suggested meeting again even though we still speak every night on Facebook Ok maybe I am dumb asking you lot as it is pretty obvious that he is not asking because he does not want to BUT all of the signs were positive so it has thrown me a bit. After my last disasterous relationship I find it so hard to trust my judgement and I have proved it to myself again !! So what I am asking you guys is what is your take on this? The attraction was definately there on both sides and our sense of humours matched etc ... so wtf!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Help me out guys but please, if you just want to be an arse and be cruel then just move on to another thread .....
marsle85 Posted March 9, 2010 Posted March 9, 2010 We spoke after every night on Facebook and had a laugh about some of the subjects we spoke about etc and we have the same sense of humour but he never mentioned the second date again. Hey girl! Well your date sounds like it progressed splendidly. You should however not be so available, don't talk to him everyday! You're busy! Elusive! Dating other men! No more speaking every night =) On the bright side, I think he's interested. I'd give him time. He had an excuse for not bringing Saturday up. Let HIM pursue! Don't text him again, don't invite him out again! Wait it out. And if not- what's the worst that can happen? You went 18 years without seeing him before, you can do it again.
Awesome Username Posted March 9, 2010 Posted March 9, 2010 I think you guys are fine, Lishy! I second the notion of being a little busy for a few days, to give him time to wonder about how you're doing. Don't push him away or sabotage it unless there are real red flags...that would be letting your past dictate your present.
Author Lishy Posted March 9, 2010 Author Posted March 9, 2010 Yes you are right girls, well the bit about the elusivesness! I am so not a pro at dating as I just dont do it! So just get off Facebook for a while yes? This has really confused me! I wonder why he didnt say lets makes it another time, a part of me is thinking that if he wanted to see me again he would ask me or he would have taken the opportunity when I made of a fool of myself asking him Men!! soooo confusing!
Ronni_W Posted March 9, 2010 Posted March 9, 2010 Lishy, Maybe it was not HIS original intention to go on a "date" with you as much as just "get together with an old friend"? And, if that was the case, then maybe the spontaneous and "lovely" kiss caused him confusion over his own feelings and behaviour; self-consciousness and wondering, "What the heck must Lishy be thinking of me NOW?" And/or possibly afraid of ruining the good-positive connection that you two obviously share? I'd suggest to ask him about his thoughts and feelings about the kiss, rather than just inviting him out again [because] if he says 'no' (due to whatever is going on for him), then you'll be no further ahead with knowing what actually happened.
Author Lishy Posted March 9, 2010 Author Posted March 9, 2010 Yes Ronnie I get what you are saying but it was definately a date he went on because just before he asked me out we were talking about my ex and he said would your ex go mad if you met someone else, to which I replied No as he was not aggressive and THEN he said well can I take you out for dinner then? Then when we were out he mentioned just joining Facebook and he said that he had met a wonderful woman on facebook called [insert my name] So even though that was a very well thought out response I dont think that was the case ... or am I just not good at interpreting guys?
Ronni_W Posted March 9, 2010 Posted March 9, 2010 I hear you, Lishy. or am I just not good at interpreting guys? I've got a guy over here who can't interpret himself [so] I'd have to say, when it comes to that, it's just a big crap shoot for one and all involved. To me, I think we're better off just spoon-feeding them ... "better off" in terms of saving our own sanity, that is. [so] I'd still suggest to give him something he can bite on, along the lines of, "Did it feel weird when we kissed? Or were you kind of hoping-expecting that to happen?" With any luck, you'll be able to nudge him towards figuring out what the heck is going on in his own head. Like I say, though -- one big crap shoot!
melodymatters Posted March 9, 2010 Posted March 9, 2010 Hmm, this one does sound confusing ! So, he has a daughter, did he make any mention of recent relationship history ? Perhaps he's just getting out of something and is confused ? I know thats when I give out most of MY mixed signals ! Def stay off facebook for a bit, or at least make mention of fun places you went ( without mentioning with who) and keep them shorter. I don't know if I personally would be comfortable basically asking him how he feels at this point, but that could be just me.
alphamale Posted March 9, 2010 Posted March 9, 2010 So what I am asking you guys is what is your take on this? ..... i think hes just playing it cool. he'll probably ask you out for the weekend after
Author Lishy Posted March 9, 2010 Author Posted March 9, 2010 I know I could not bring up anything about anything! I am not that way inclined at all ... I have always seen it like this, when a guy is interested you know it YET in this case I know it and then I dont! Weirdness! I do think he likes me and yet why not ask me out again? One of my ideas is that we were talking about exes well before he asked me out and I was saying how my exes turned weird when we broke up and when he asked me out he said "I am not a nutter I promise I will only call 80 times a day" and we laughed about it ... Maybe he is showing me he is not a nutcase? Or maybe not lol
Author Lishy Posted March 9, 2010 Author Posted March 9, 2010 hmmm this is the reason I dont 'do' dating! I cant stand the feeling of not knowing, it drives me nutso!
Star Gazer Posted March 9, 2010 Posted March 9, 2010 I am leaning towards Ronni's analysis, with a different ending. This situation reminds me so much of a guy I dated shortly before BF, around August 2008-October 2008 or thereabouts. Anyway, we reconnected online, but had known each other for about 7 years - and someone I had *kinda* dated/"hung out" with before. He suggested we go out for dinner and drinks, and we did. We shared an intensely passionate kiss at the end of the night. He said he wanted to see me again. Then, nothing. Then he'd pop up again...we'd hang out, have a great time, and again... then, nothing. Eventually he owned up to what he was doing. He wanted to catch up, see me again, etc., and while seeing me had a "date" feel to it, he wasn't interested in "dating"...anyone. It was like I was this great opportunity that he couldn't pass up, but he didn't want anything more. That could very well be what's happening here. Or, it could be that he's playing it cool. I think for now, you just gotta wait it out. Go dormant on FB for a while, and see if he pops back up.
threebyfate Posted March 9, 2010 Posted March 9, 2010 In your FB interactions, who contacted whom, the majority of times?
txsilkysmoothe Posted March 9, 2010 Posted March 9, 2010 If you're talking every day, he probably thinks he has plenty of opportunities to ask you out so he isn't in a hurry. And it may be a kid thing - it's spring break time. He may be spending extra time with the kiddo.
boogieboy Posted March 10, 2010 Posted March 10, 2010 Lishy, Maybe it was not HIS original intention to go on a "date" with you as much as just "get together with an old friend"? And, if that was the case, then maybe the spontaneous and "lovely" kiss caused him confusion over his own feelings and behaviour; self-consciousness and wondering, "What the heck must Lishy be thinking of me NOW?" And/or possibly afraid of ruining the good-positive connection that you two obviously share? I'd suggest to ask him about his thoughts and feelings about the kiss, rather than just inviting him out again [because] if he says 'no' (due to whatever is going on for him), then you'll be no further ahead with knowing what actually happened. Um, nooo. Guys dont kiss women that they arent attracted to...and if he didnt like her, he certainly wouldnt worry about the connection. He'd move on to someone else. Either he lost interest, or He might want you to chase him Lishy. Its up to you if you think you want to try that or not.
Twenty-ten Posted March 10, 2010 Posted March 10, 2010 I agree with everything boogieboy said, there is no way he didn't know what he was doing, he is not a puppet so of course he wanted to kiss her willingly. I say the same, something along the way made him lose interest. I wouldn't pursue this Lishy follow your instincts you are are having enough contact with him that he could easily say "let's meet again" he hasn't so it would be a waste to ask him to see you again. I think at least....
xpaperxcutx Posted March 10, 2010 Posted March 10, 2010 It's too early to " ask" him about what's going on especially since you only went on one " date". I thought men hate confrontations about where things are going... Lishy, don't get your head in a rut. Do your thing, be independent, and wait it out. I think as much as his daughter is a priority, if a guy likes you, nothing on earth can stop him from getting in touch with you.
2sunny Posted March 10, 2010 Posted March 10, 2010 i'm glad to see you going out Lishy. if he asked you out for Sat and then he had plans - WHEN was he planning to tell you he was busy with his daughter? i think that's wrong that he made you ask about it... keep that in mind for the future. also - don't be so available. make him make an effort. allow him to see that you aren't waiting around for him - make him wonder what has you so busy. sems like a game - kind of is - but, he needs to chase a bit instead of taking you for granted... especially so early on. make him wonder. don't always respond - but when you do - be sweet and be yourself. above all - stay busy being happy without him - so when he's around it's just a bonus for you.
LovelyDaze Posted March 10, 2010 Posted March 10, 2010 i'm glad to see you going out Lishy. if he asked you out for Sat and then he had plans - WHEN was he planning to tell you he was busy with his daughter? i think that's wrong that he made you ask about it... keep that in mind for the future. also - don't be so available. make him make an effort. allow him to see that you aren't waiting around for him - make him wonder what has you so busy. sems like a game - kind of is - but, he needs to chase a bit instead of taking you for granted... especially so early on. make him wonder. don't always respond - but when you do - be sweet and be yourself. above all - stay busy being happy without him - so when he's around it's just a bonus for you. Fully agree with 2sunny. I'm in the dating scene now myself and I just deleted the number and FB profile of a new guy I was dating. Learned he was a big time player and dropped him like a hot potato. Goofy thing is, he is STILL texting and calling wanting me to go out again as well as two exes. Listen to your intuition about this guy. If you feel like he won't be too reliable as far as getting in touch with you when he says he will, forget about him. There is a wonderful guy out there for you who will have no problem giving his time and being true to his word.
SadandConfusedWA Posted March 10, 2010 Posted March 10, 2010 The problem with FB is that it's really easy to just be online and chat to whomever with not much meaning attached to it. If he was calling or texting you every day, that would be a different story. I would say it's about 70/30 that he isn't interested.
Author Lishy Posted March 10, 2010 Author Posted March 10, 2010 I am leaning towards Ronni's analysis, with a different ending. This situation reminds me so much of a guy I dated shortly before BF, around August 2008-October 2008 or thereabouts. Anyway, we reconnected online, but had known each other for about 7 years - and someone I had *kinda* dated/"hung out" with before. He suggested we go out for dinner and drinks, and we did. We shared an intensely passionate kiss at the end of the night. He said he wanted to see me again. Then, nothing. Then he'd pop up again...we'd hang out, have a great time, and again... then, nothing. Eventually he owned up to what he was doing. He wanted to catch up, see me again, etc., and while seeing me had a "date" feel to it, he wasn't interested in "dating"...anyone. It was like I was this great opportunity that he couldn't pass up, but he didn't want anything more. That could very well be what's happening here. Or, it could be that he's playing it cool. I think for now, you just gotta wait it out. Go dormant on FB for a while, and see if he pops back up. Its good that someone else has been in this position, yes I agree, no more facebook for a few days!! Thanks In your FB interactions, who contacted whom, the majority of times? He contacted me most of the time, sometimes I would contact him first but it was mainly him and even after the date he still contacted me first Um, nooo. Guys dont kiss women that they arent attracted to...and if he didnt like her, he certainly wouldnt worry about the connection. He'd move on to someone else. Either he lost interest, or He might want you to chase him Lishy. Its up to you if you think you want to try that or not. I just cant chase a guy, it is just not me at all and I was thinking that about the kiss and he initiated the kiss and he was the one who mentioned going out again I agree with everything boogieboy said, there is no way he didn't know what he was doing, he is not a puppet so of course he wanted to kiss her willingly. I say the same, something along the way made him lose interest. I wouldn't pursue this Lishy follow your instincts you are are having enough contact with him that he could easily say "let's meet again" he hasn't so it would be a waste to ask him to see you again. I think at least.... I agree totally! Thanks It's too early to " ask" him about what's going on especially since you only went on one " date". I thought men hate confrontations about where things are going... Lishy, don't get your head in a rut. Do your thing, be independent, and wait it out. I think as much as his daughter is a priority, if a guy likes you, nothing on earth can stop him from getting in touch with you. This is what I agree with too! I always say if a guy is interested then you know all about it! i'm glad to see you going out Lishy. if he asked you out for Sat and then he had plans - WHEN was he planning to tell you he was busy with his daughter? i think that's wrong that he made you ask about it... keep that in mind for the future. also - don't be so available. make him make an effort. allow him to see that you aren't waiting around for him - make him wonder what has you so busy. sems like a game - kind of is - but, he needs to chase a bit instead of taking you for granted... especially so early on. make him wonder. don't always respond - but when you do - be sweet and be yourself. above all - stay busy being happy without him - so when he's around it's just a bonus for you. Yes I agree, not telling me he couldnt was just rude in my eyes and my guar is up anyway without him adding to it and I did see a red flag to be honest The problem with FB is that it's really easy to just be online and chat to whomever with not much meaning attached to it. If he was calling or texting you every day, that would be a different story. I would say it's about 70/30 that he isn't interested. When I was not on Facebook one night he text me the next morning but he made an excuse to do it Well guys thank you so much for your advice, I appreciate it! And thanks for no one getting all shirty which seems the norm on here lately. I think I will take all of your advice and stay off facebook and then all will become clear to me within a matter of days ... I am not terribly upset just a bit confused to be honest. Well I will keep you informed!!!!!!!!
2sunny Posted March 10, 2010 Posted March 10, 2010 when a man is interested - it is obvious - he makes huge efforts to keep in touch. he has your number. at this point don't settle for im or texting... you want him making the effort to call. to hear his voice will tell you much more than what you can get from a text. if he really wants to see you - he'll call. don't fall for that "where have you been" line. that's a trap to make you feel like YOU haven't been making an effort... he will make the effort if he's interested.
Twenty-ten Posted March 10, 2010 Posted March 10, 2010 You know what Lishy, I had a very similar experience on FB I was just talking about it in another thread a few days ago. He contacted me first, we had seen each other at a friend's b-day party and I guess he asked her about me and found me through her list of contacts and then he contacted me and we talked back an forth a bit and he beat around the bush and eventually "asked me out". But his version of asking me out was telling me I should go to some event that he and his friends would be at, and he preempted it with something to the effect of "I will be putting in some serious going out time over the next weeks let me know if you want to join one of them" so I cornered him as to not have any misconception of what he meant and asked him "what did you have in mind exactly?" Left the ball in his court let him say is this a date or what? And he responded a few days later "tomorrow night I will be at (name of some bar) come by" To which I told him sorry I already had plans. No thanks. If you can't even make the effort to see me one on one I am not interested in coming to your turf where you will be with all your friends. I am not 15 or a circus puppy. It must be a FB thing that people make it much more casual for fear of rejection or lack of interest, one of two, who knows. Either way it didn't suit me so I moved on. You are not alone that's for sure.
threebyfate Posted March 10, 2010 Posted March 10, 2010 Lishy, a guy who wants your time, will tie it up tightly. When he asked you for that second date and then, didn't bother explaining, nvm apologizing about the daughter bit, has had second thoughts. If you want a friend, keep talking to him on Fb. Even if he asks you out again, his interest level isn't as high as it should be, right out the gate when excitement level should be the highest. But I honestly wouldn't consider this guy as a romantic interest. His reasons or excuses don't matter. What you want is a man who's focused on YOU!
Recommended Posts