4 weeks NC, why does it still hurt?

[confused_pjl]

So its been 4 weeks of NC with my EX. When will I get off this emotional roller coaster, it hurts so much. I don't know what its like to be a drug addict and go through rehab/whithdraw but I can only assume I'm going through similar symptoms. I don't have the cold sweats or shakes but I feel like a 200 lb man is sitting on my chest, I go through spurts of crying and spurts of anger. It hurts me so much to know that she is so happy with the new guy right now and I am in so much pain.

 

I wish the thoughts of her being with this new guy could just leave my head. I'm trying to do things to get my mind off her like going to the gym, hanging out with friends and family, etc. Not having a job is making it worse. I have a hard time occupying all of my time. The weather is starting to get nicer here as well which is making it that much harder on me. In weather like this we would be taking the dogs to the dog park, going for walks, roller blading, etc. I feel so lonely.

 

I don't think I will ever understand how someone could give you the impression that they loved you so much (actions and words), want to marry you and have your kids and literally, 5 days later break up with you to be with someone else and be completely happy with that person right away. Is this normal? It seems like more and more woman I know, work with or meet have done the same thing. Left their b/f for another guy right away. I understand that some woman have reason to (e.g. abusive relationships, cheaters, etc). I treated my g/f like a queen. I was her boyfriend, best friend, motivator, career counselor and was always there for her during hard times and supported her every time she needed me.

 

I know ppl say there must of been signs, but their wasn't. We were both stressed because of our financial situation but none of her actions stopped. Usually when a person in a relationship is having doubts they stop doing things they normally do are start doing things they normally don't do. None of those things happened. I swear, up until the last minute she was the exact same person she always was and treated me the same as she always did. Which makes it more confusing for me to understand how she can shut me out of her life and be happy so soon with another guy.

 

I'm having a hard time coping. Please help me!

[GrayClouds]

Sorry Confused, it is really difficult, specially the earlier weeks. Do not fight the emotions allow yourself to feeling them, the pain, loss and sadness. They have to work themselves through. Try not to look for answers right now, it is all emotions and none of it make sense. Trying to understand what happen will only keep you from moving on, it is no longer something that you can fix, it is only something you can heal from. You will and it will get easier. But it is still very fresh and very new, Be kind to yourself and allow your self time to heal.

 

Not only are you going through the emotional BS there is a physical chemical reaction that takes place that is beyond your control, it is the same fight flight response that the body goes through under stress. It is not easy bot there are things you can do to move forward. They will be difficult but they will help:

 

Try to do some journaling with pen and paper. Write everything your thinking and feeling, get it out on the paper, all the good and all the bad all the questions, all the hurt.

 

Try to force yourself to get some exercise everyday. It help elevated the "withdraw symptoms". Those are natural responses of the bodies chemical response to the break up. Going out and walking or running will have your body produce anti stress chemicals and help shut off the mind some.

 

Use your friends and family for support. Talk there ears off and bore them to death with you feelings but also just hang out with them.

 

Eat well and regularly it is important but hard.

 

Finally just as you supported her it is time for you to do for you. Use that same strengh and effort to be your motivator, career counselor and was always there during hard times and be supported by being your best friend.

 

It is really hard right now but try to focus on yourself and your healing not the break-up. It will get easier, keep posting.

 

 

.

[sean1970]

So its been 4 weeks of NC with my EX. When will I get off this emotional roller coaster, it hurts so much. I don't know what its like to be a drug addict and go through rehab/whithdraw but I can only assume I'm going through similar symptoms. I don't have the cold sweats or shakes but I feel like a 200 lb man is sitting on my chest, I go through spurts of crying and spurts of anger. It hurts me so much to know that she is so happy with the new guy right now and I am in so much pain.

 

It very much is a chemical withdrawal; it is normal, expected, but it will pass.

 

I wish the thoughts of her being with this new guy could just leave my head. I'm trying to do things to get my mind off her like going to the gym, hanging out with friends and family, etc. Not having a job is making it worse. I have a hard time occupying all of my time. The weather is starting to get nicer here as well which is making it that much harder on me. In weather like this we would be taking the dogs to the dog park, going for walks, roller blading, etc. I feel so lonely.

 

Your imagination about her time with him is no where near reality and you will never 'understand' it. The pain is not something that can be counseled away; it is just something you have to endure and learn from.

 

You are doing all the right things (get that job btw)... The frozen pain is acute and omnipresent, we understand that. It just takes time to melt is all.

 

 

I don't think I will ever understand how someone could give you the impression that they loved you so much (actions and words), want to marry you and have your kids and literally, 5 days later break up with you to be with someone else and be completely happy with that person right away. Is this normal? It seems like more and more woman I know, work with or meet have done the same thing. Left their b/f for another guy right away. I understand that some woman have reason to (e.g. abusive relationships, cheaters, etc). I treated my g/f like a queen. I was her boyfriend, best friend, motivator, career counselor and was always there for her during hard times and supported her every time she needed me.

 

I know ppl say there must of been signs, but their wasn't. We were both stressed because of our financial situation but none of her actions stopped. Usually when a person in a relationship is having doubts they stop doing things they normally do are start doing things they normally don't do. None of those things happened. I swear, up until the last minute she was the exact same person she always was and treated me the same as she always did. Which makes it more confusing for me to understand how she can shut me out of her life and be happy so soon with another guy.

 

I'm having a hard time coping. Please help me!

 

But in reality, there was something wrong, yes? If it was indeed 'out of the blue' (something I rarely believe when I read it) then she obviously had a hard time expressing her feelings and surreptitiously worked an exit that did not account for you or your feelings. In either case, is that someone who you would consider a life partner?

 

Hang in there.... Post here as often as you need to... We will be here...

Edited March 9, 2010 by sean1970

[rand0m]

It amuses me how life can be such a harsh reality sometimes. When you think you're doing everything right, being kind, caring, loving, generous, happy, outgoing, etc. etc., something happens that's so unfair and cruel that it makes you question the reason for living.

If we make, in general, good choices (yes we all make mistakes), and are good people, why do we get punished? The answer: that's life.

 

I'm not religious in any sense, in fact, I oppose most aspects of every religion (but that's a different story). I have some friends who attend Church regularly, pray, open their hearts to everyone, help those in need, and are amazing people, but have been through so much heartache that it makes them (and myself) question why some all-loving being would allow such pain to people who do so much good. (I'm not just talking about breakups here, I mean everything, loss of close relatives, friends, loss of jobs and careers, illnesses, you name it.)

 

It happens to the best of us, and because "we" are "good people", we seem to hurt more when it does.

[sean1970]

It happens to the best of us, and because "we" are "good people", we seem to hurt more when it does.

 

Told an acquaintance the other day that I was starting to date a girl I've had my eye on for a while. His response, "Just be a di$k to her, that always works."

 

'Right', I said...