MW and flirting with MM

[uncertain at work]

I met a man through work, he was my supervior but not any longer. We began flirting while working together. He is married as am I we have talked about our spouses and we are both in a happy marriage yet we are both very attracted to the other.

 

He went on a business trip (one night) and asked me join him at his hotel for dinner. At this point there was nothing but flirting and we were having dinner with other co-workers. I went and told my husband where I would be, I was not staying the night so it was just dinner with the group.

 

At dinner we drank a little to much and after dinner the group broke up going their own ways. He and I went to his room and talked for about three hours. When I left he gave me a quick hug and peck on the lips. other than this we were in a hotel room alone for hours drunk and nothing happened. He called the next morning to make sure I made it home safe.

 

We then made plans to have lunch the following week. After lunch, in his office there was a full out passionate kiss. Since then we have spoke on the phone a few times a week, it's been three weeks since that lunch. We have both commented on making plans for lunch/dinner whatever but I have not pushed this because my feeling is that if he has an interest he will ask. He has made comments that we need to compare our calanders so we can get together for lunch but this has not happened. We both have jobs that can get very busy at times and this is one of those times.

 

Sorry so long but here's the question:

 

Does it sound like he is having second thoughts about further contact and if so why would he continue to initiate contact with me by calling me?

 

Neither of us has any interest in leaving our spouse's but this attraction is uncanny and I kind of want to go with it for a while. On the other hand if he is having second thoughts I have no problem stepping back and continuing a "telephone" friendship or just walking away with no further contact.

 

Please give me your thoughts on this.

[scatterd]

All as I have to say you both are married and do not do it you will make the biggest mistaske if you do.This can hurt so many and with knowing that why would you care about seeing him.Get divoriced before dating someone else

to love your spouse is to be honest and do nothing behind their back to hurt them.please say no.good luck

[JustJoe]

OP, do you realize that you are cheating on your husband, even now? Have you told your husband about the passionate kiss and the long conversation in HIS hotel room? If you haven't , then you are cheating.

[BB07]

Perhaps you should look at your situation from a different point of view, instead of worrying about what he might do, maybe you should concentrate on making a conscious decision about what you are going to do instead of just going with the attraction and letting it happen.

 

You are in the beginning stages of an affair, that is your reality. You need to think long and hard and read the stories here in this section and the infidelity part of LS before you take it any farther. You need to ask yourself a lot of hard questions. Are you willing to risk your marriage? Are you willing to hurt other people badly if the infidelity is found out? The trail of hurt and pain can be large, your family, your husband, your kids, your parents, and all those people in his life also. An affair is often fraught with great emotional pain and risk.......you need to decide if that is really what you are willing to risk? what you want to open yourself up to.

Don't take the decision lightly and don't underestimate what you might be putting at risk. Good luck!

[califnan]

Don't Fall Into The Trap ...No need to try to figure out what he is thinking.. Read other stories on here ..

[IfWishesWereHorses]

I can tell you what he's thinking as well as what is going to most likely happen. He's slowly checking out whether he can "trust" you or not. He correctly judged your character and the fact that you have just as much to lose makes you a good choice to pursue this "attraction".

 

If you continue, your great H will become not so wonderful. Your posts and references to him will do a complete turnaround. Your attraction to MM will become a "soul mate" situation. You will pine over him and what he is thinking. You will begin to worry about his R with his wife. Christmas day with your H and kids you will be too wrapped up in missing MM to be there 100% for your family.

 

When there is a D (discovery) day he will most likely run back to his wife with stories of how you have chased and seduced him, and your H will most likely leave you. You'll be crying how unfair all of this is for you, so self immersed that you can't see that its what YOU'VE chosen for the family you were supposed to love and nurture.

 

I guarantee you that you are not the first "attraction/playmate" for this man and that guys like him can spot a woman a mile a way who would trade their wonderful life for what might be behind door number two.

 

I'm sure you feel flattered that he chose you, but you shouldn't. See in choosing a playmate in a situation like this, a lack of character is just as important as attraction. Seems he pegged you pretty well, though he's probably had plenty of experience.

 

You really are at a fork in the road. Search some of the MANY threads started by MyBrowneyedgirl.

[BB07]

Ahhhh, I went back and looked at your posting history. You are already hip deep in this affair, aren't you?

 

 

It also appears as if when you first posting about this, that you didn't fess up to being married, why is that?

[IfWishesWereHorses]

I noticed that as well BB.

 

Some of us use restraint. What type of person must you be that you would assume that just because a person asks a question on here that they are "open" to acting on the thoughts they have.

 

A little hint for you ..... we can have thoughts and feelings that we do not act on. Oh yea and just in case it got past you ... this discussion was complete and resolved before your comment so move along.

 

And this. So its possible that some people can't use restraint. I should have read the back story. Its been you all along who has pursued HIM. I'm interested to see where this goes. Its been 8 months now and you have gotten him alone in a hotel room and had one passionate kiss.

[ladydesigner]

Everyone above gave really great replies and I agree with every one of them. Please read the stories here. Unless you are ready to get a divorce get ready for the bumpiest ride of your life. If I had found LS first I NEVER would have gone down the road that I did.

 

What is it that is lacking in your marriage that is making you look outside of it? You say that you are happily married, but I think not.

[bestplayer]

I met a man through work, he was my supervior but not any longer. We began flirting while working together. He is married as am I we have talked about our spouses and we are both in a happy marriage yet we are both very attracted to the other.

 

He went on a business trip (one night) and asked me join him at his hotel for dinner. At this point there was nothing but flirting and we were having dinner with other co-workers. I went and told my husband where I would be, I was not staying the night so it was just dinner with the group.

 

At dinner we drank a little to much and after dinner the group broke up going their own ways. He and I went to his room and talked for about three hours. When I left he gave me a quick hug and peck on the lips. other than this we were in a hotel room alone for hours drunk and nothing happened. He called the next morning to make sure I made it home safe.

 

We then made plans to have lunch the following week. After lunch, in his office there was a full out passionate kiss. Since then we have spoke on the phone a few times a week, it's been three weeks since that lunch. We have both commented on making plans for lunch/dinner whatever but I have not pushed this because my feeling is that if he has an interest he will ask. He has made comments that we need to compare our calanders so we can get together for lunch but this has not happened. We both have jobs that can get very busy at times and this is one of those times.

 

Sorry so long but here's the question:

 

Does it sound like he is having second thoughts about further contact and if so why would he continue to initiate contact with me by calling me?

 

Neither of us has any interest in leaving our spouse's but this attraction is uncanny and I kind of want to go with it for a while. On the other hand if he is having second thoughts I have no problem stepping back and continuing a "telephone" friendship or just walking away with no further contact.

 

Please give me your thoughts on this.

 

I think most of the full-blown affair starts just like this like telephone , flirting , online & then goes beyond that .

 

so we will not be surprised if after some time ur next thread is something like " I love my husband but I am not in love with him "... .or " I am not attracted to my husband . "

So be prepared with ur story .

 

best of luck

Edited March 9, 2010 by bestplayer

[bestplayer]

Everyone above gave really great replies and I agree with every one of them. Please read the stories here. Unless you are ready to get a divorce get ready for the bumpiest ride of your life. If I had found LS first I NEVER would have gone down the road that I did.

 

What is it that is lacking in your marriage that is making you look outside of it? You say that you are happily married, but I think not.

 

ladydesigner , its not always the case that someone having an affair must not be happily married.

there are so many stories on this site where someone in a good marriage has strayed.

[ladydesigner]

ladydesigner , its not always the case that someone having an affair must not be happily married.

there are so many stories on this site where someone in a good marriage has strayed.

 

Gawd I guess so. I know that I never cheated until I was REALLY unhappy. To each's own I guess.

[ThumbingMyWay]

Last summer you started a thread called "Question for older professional men"

 

you had 2 post there....this one:

 

I am a flirt but usually people don't take me seriously and I have never "hooked" up with anyone from work and don't intend to start now, I really just wanted to get to know him better. Geeze I could have even become friends with him and his wife.

 

then the other one:

 

Hey Brown relax, just because one person is attracted to another does not mean they are going to jump in the sack with them. Some of us use restraint. What type of person must you be that you would assume that just because a person asks a question on here that they are "open" to acting on the thoughts they have.

 

A little hint for you ..... we can have thoughts and feelings that we do not act on. Oh yea and just in case it got past you ... this discussion was complete and resolved before your comment so move along.

 

 

Then now....almost a year later, you start this new thread....

 

.... After lunch, in his office there was a full out passionate kiss. .

 

...Neither of us has any interest in leaving our spouse's but this attraction is uncanny and I kind of want to go with it for a while.

 

Please give me your thoughts on this.

 

 

My thoughts on this..your emotional involvement started last summer.....it has progressed into an emotional affair....and now physical with the kiss.

 

But a year ago...you were certain that you would NEVER act on your attraction to this man....but the truth is...you have....you have done exactly the thing you said you wouldnt do last summer when your attraction to this man started.

 

What exactly is your intention with this relationship? You stated...you kinda want to go with it?

 

What does that mean? Do you want to take the affair to the next level? Cuase truth is...you are already there.....and you are on the edge of no return.

 

Slippery slopes my friend. Work affairs ALWAYS end badly....ALWAYS...

 

think long and hard...about your flirty ways and if this one man is worth ruining your marriage over.

 

Believe me....it may feel all nice and fuzzy right now......but in the end...and there will be an end theres no doubt about that.....it will end very ugly and then you will realize the magnitude of your actions.

 

Do what you want....but my thoughts are.....RUN RUN RUN away....and focus your thoughts on the man you already have....

[bentnotbroken]

Why don't' you tell your H everything you have posted here and ask him if you should wait for him and should you just "go with it"? Better yet, call his wife and ask her.

[califnan]

ladydesigner , its not always the case that someone having an affair must not be happily married.

there are so many stories on this site where someone in a good marriage has strayed.

 

I agree .. many times the OW is just bored with her life, or lucky enough to be in a carefree life previous to the affair ..

[uncertain at work]

I can tell you what he's thinking as well as what is going to most likely happen. He's slowly checking out whether he can "trust" you or not. He correctly judged your character and the fact that you have just as much to lose makes you a good choice to pursue this "attraction".

 

If you continue, your great H will become not so wonderful. Your posts and references to him will do a complete turnaround. Your attraction to MM will become a "soul mate" situation. You will pine over him and what he is thinking. You will begin to worry about his R with his wife. Christmas day with your H and kids you will be too wrapped up in missing MM to be there 100% for your family.

 

When there is a D (discovery) day he will most likely run back to his wife with stories of how you have chased and seduced him, and your H will most likely leave you. You'll be crying how unfair all of this is for you, so self immersed that you can't see that its what YOU'VE chosen for the family you were supposed to love and nurture.

 

I guarantee you that you are not the first "attraction/playmate" for this man and that guys like him can spot a woman a mile a way who would trade their wonderful life for what might be behind door number two.

 

I'm sure you feel flattered that he chose you, but you shouldn't. See in choosing a playmate in a situation like this, a lack of character is just as important as attraction. Seems he pegged you pretty well, though he's probably had plenty of experience.

 

You really are at a fork in the road. Search some of the MANY threads started by MyBrowneyedgirl.

 

 

WOW people on here are brutal ..... this is the only post that was non-judgmental. Thank you and you are correct but I just was not seeing it because of many reasons I think. Thank you for giving me some prespective. I have been thinking that because I had never cheated on my husband until I met him that it was the same with him, but I believe that you are correct that he knew what type of woman would agree to this and he knew i was that type of woman. Ha Ha I thought I was smarter than this and had better judge of character, but live and learn. I guess he knows me better than I knew myself, thats a big shock to me. Thanks again I do appreciate your input.

[fooled once]

So are you bored in your marriage? Do you think being the OW/the mistress will be cool and fun and make you feel sexy?

 

It seems as if you have been 'trying' to get into an affair with him for a while now, but it hasn't progressed maybe as fast as you would want it to.

 

Maybe you should really talk to your H about these feelings you are having for this co-worker/former supervisor.

[lkjh]

Why are you married if you obviously care so little about your H?

[pureinheart]

Hey UAW...it can seem sooo innocent in the beginning, even rather tempting, although with you both being M'ed that adds a different dynamic...just be careful and guard your heart as it looks like it could go either way at this point....Welcome to the forum....and please keep posting

[pureinheart]

WOW people on here are brutal ..... this is the only post that was non-judgmental. Thank you and you are correct but I just was not seeing it because of many reasons I think. Thank you for giving me some prespective. I have been thinking that because I had never cheated on my husband until I met him that it was the same with him, but I believe that you are correct that he knew what type of woman would agree to this and he knew i was that type of woman. Ha Ha I thought I was smarter than this and had better judge of character, but live and learn. I guess he knows me better than I knew myself, thats a big shock to me. Thanks again I do appreciate your input.

(the post referred to is from IfWishesWereHorses)

 

Ya, sorry about that....please keep posting though....

[pureinheart]

Hey hang in there UAW....I re-read your thread and noticed there were a couple more replies that weren't judgmental and harsh...I scrolled quickly down the page and noticed some that were, so agreed at first.

 

Just keep posting and disregard the ones that seem judgmental and harsh...