lunar_rabbit Posted March 9, 2010 Posted March 9, 2010 Just a small fraction of the backstory - http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t222309/ It's been two and a half weeks' NC. It was the third day after he began ignoring me when I instigated it, and I've been doing OK. But...in the last two or three days, I've just started coming apart at the seams because of these stupid dreams I've been having :/ In one, he was getting ready to go out, putting his coat on and whatnot. He seemed pretty dejected, not happy. I pleaded to know what I'd done wrong, and he simply said, "Your strength in certain situations." He always said I was a strong woman, but I fail to understand what that meant. The next night, I dreamed I received an email from him with "Attitude" as the subject line. I was too afraid to open it. Then later, I received a letter and a package of books from him. The letter was telling me things like, I should smile more and so on. Then at the end, it asked me what I was doing with "a clown" like him anyway. It just seems to have brought everything flooding back. Since then, I'm a nervous wreck, thinking about how everything he ever said to me must have been a lie...all the (few) times he complimented me, said he would do everything he could to help the relationship (it was an LDR), how he was coming to visit me to spend time with me and make things more "regular" if it went well. I think he just used me and left. It's irrational, but now I'm upset and scared thinking about how he'll come back and it'll start all over again. It's a heartbreaking pattern. This is the fourth time he's walked out on me in two years for no apparent reason (of being not-quite-together because he wouldn't commit to an LDR). Then some months later, he'll just show up again out of nowhere and seduce me all over again, only to drop me like a hot potato when things aren't to his liking. He'll never raise the issue or try to talk about it, he just withdraws. Removes me from his IM contact list, deletes my number. All for no good reason. I'm just sad and scared, I don't want him back this time. I just want this pain to go away, but it's taking so long...
Andrew1984 Posted March 10, 2010 Posted March 10, 2010 Those are some pretty metaphorical dreams. It will take time. as much time as it takes. Its impossible to say how much. I know how you feel it just seems like forever without an end in sight. hang in there. Distract yourself. stay active. do as much as you can to not look into how he is responding to n/c. concentrate on yourself.
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