SadandConfusedWA Posted March 9, 2010 Posted March 9, 2010 I am curious what people think about this. I, being a die hard romantic would not to be getting married with practical thoughts of "what if" things don't work out. I also own property and have some investments and savings and would not ask my future H to sign a pre-nup. I would expect him not to ask me either regardless of how wealthy he is. I want marriage to be based on pure, magical love. If he were to ask me to sign one, it would be very close to being a deal breaker. It's not the issue of money, but I would worry that this signals an inherent incompatibility on being romantic vs pragmatic that would only lead to bigger problems in the future.
Bejita463 Posted March 9, 2010 Posted March 9, 2010 I would actually appreciate the mindset a partner would have to have to think of such a thing, let alone suggest it. Practicality is something I find attractive.
New Again Posted March 9, 2010 Posted March 9, 2010 I would be very insulted. I am a very independent person, I do not have even a small sense of entitlement, and I'm not the kind of person who would screw someone else over for any reason, including because I was hurt and angry over something - for example, if we were divorcing because of his infidelity/he found someone else, I would never try to "punish" him or be spiteful through the divorce. I am pretty possessive, and I have very strong feelings about ownership (mine or someone else's). If my fiance asked me to sign a pre-nup, he doesn't know me well at all. I also think that people are too quick to divorce these days, and really don't ever want to get divorced myself - I want to marry once, for life. So I inherently don't like the idea of a prenup because it implies that one or both parties don't feel the marriage is going to last. ON THE OTHER HAND! Like I said, I am possessive, and I also don't have a lot of trust in people in general. Not that I think everyone is bad; I just don't trust people to do the right thing (or know what the right thing is) in most cases. I have only dated one person (last BF) who I did completely trust, was entirely comfortable in every way with, and would not automatically assume he should sign a prenup if I asked. Everyone else would be initialing and signing, or no go. If asked to sign one, it wouldn't be a dealbreaker, because I can understand being smart and looking out for yourself, your future, and your property. But I would definitely feel insulted. Perhaps the reason for this is knowing why I personally would ask someone to sign a prenup.
BB07 Posted March 9, 2010 Posted March 9, 2010 It depends........when I was younger, (I'm middle aged now), I would have found it insulting. Now that I'm older and have acquired a little of this and a little of that, I wouldn't be. Being older and having been divorced prior, also gives the issues more of a need for clarity which should be taken care of prior to the marriage. It's not that it's a issue of trust, it's just that it would clarify things.
bayouboi Posted March 9, 2010 Posted March 9, 2010 Being a man and having been through a divorce I would have absolutely no problems being asked to sign a pre-nup. I predict this will be another issue divided by gender based on which gender has the most to lose with a pre-nup. Which will pit most women against pre-nups & most men being okay with them.
marsle85 Posted March 9, 2010 Posted March 9, 2010 I'm bringing my own wealth and substantial income into the relationship. I have little reason for a pre-nup. However, I would be insulted- yes. Not because I think our relationship is flawless and bound to be perfect...but because there wouldn't a need for one. I'm not looking out to get anyone. I don't have a problem with the pre-nup persay, but the fact someone would think they needed one.
northstar1 Posted March 9, 2010 Posted March 9, 2010 If I had a nickle for all the marriages that must have started out with both partners saying "No need, we respect each other, I wouldn't worry about it getting nasty if it ended" and ended in a messy, prolonged divorce settlement. There is little liklihood that my house will ever burn down, but it doesn't mean I don't have insurance.
Woggle Posted March 9, 2010 Posted March 9, 2010 No I would not be insulted because I made sure she signed one. Any man who marries without a prenup these days is a complete moron. Women can talk all that commitment stuff they want but it all goes out the window when they meet some OM who inspires passion in them and they give their husband the divorce speech. Do women really expect men to just leave ourselves vulnerable and exposed to anything a woman wants to do us?
OnlyJake Posted March 9, 2010 Posted March 9, 2010 While I think that, as a general rule, prenups are a smart idea, the concept of a prenup does not at all mesh with my attitude toward marriage and commitment.
quankanne Posted March 9, 2010 Posted March 9, 2010 I wouldn't be insulted, but the fact that someone asked me to sign one says that he's going into a marriage contract with the idea that it's going to fail, and that goes against my strong Mexican Catholic upbringing. As I told my husband when I married him, divorce wasn't an option – either you're completely in, or you're not. and yes, when I first met him, he was badly burned by his ex-wife and was insisting that if he were ever stupid enough to get married again, he would insist on a pre-nup.
hotgurl Posted March 9, 2010 Posted March 9, 2010 no I wouldn't be insulted. In fact my husband and I do have a pre-nup. we are older and more established I have a child from a previous relationship and he has an inhertance. so it made sense. Also we keep our finances seperate.
RobM Posted March 9, 2010 Posted March 9, 2010 We didn't have one when we got married, but that was a long time ago and neither of us had much of anything. If I got married again I would insist on it, I wouldn't be offended if she asked for it. As somebody said, I don't expect my house to ever burn down but I still have insurance just in case it does.
2sure Posted March 9, 2010 Posted March 9, 2010 A prenup used to protect myself in the case of making a relationship mistake? NO. I'm a romantic too. However, I have a child. Would I want a Prenup to make sure her best interests (financial too) were protected in the event I made a poor relationship choice. Yep. You bet.
homersheineken Posted March 9, 2010 Posted March 9, 2010 A marriage is a contract. A merger of assets. With a 50% fail rate, you'd be silly not to get one if you had any modicum of assets. Don't tell me that if you're offended by it has nothing to do with the money. BS. A pre-nup is a not a barometer of his/her attraction to you. It's a safety net. That's it.
txsilkysmoothe Posted March 9, 2010 Posted March 9, 2010 I would not be insulted and would sign a pre-nup. Marriage is not a means of improving one's financial status. There was a time where I viewed a man's desire for a pre-nup equivalent to his having a casual attitude toward marriage and divorce; but times have changed, I'm older, and more realistic.
Mr White Posted March 9, 2010 Posted March 9, 2010 Gimme a break - It's easy to be a "romantic" and be "insulted" when you have the background data and knowledge that if things go south you WILL (most likely) benefit financially. :rolleyes::rolleyes: On the other hand, as a man, it is very hard to be nonchalant and casual about it having the knowledge that a woman's emotions can turn on a dime before you can log into your online bank account (only to verify that yep, it's empty). Using romanticism to neglect planning for important life contingencies is a red flag in itself. You don't see many people to neglect having health insurance because of their pioneer, adventorous spirit - those folks didn't have one, after all .
EnglishMuffin Posted March 9, 2010 Posted March 9, 2010 For the same reason that I don't want complications over finances (it only brings out ugly sides of people, I think), I woundn't mind signing up for a prenup. I don't know what a prenup entails in legal sense, but I sometimes get involved in managing family properties, so seperate finances are preferred.
Stung Posted March 9, 2010 Posted March 9, 2010 Well, when we got married we were already in our 30s, had been living together for years with joint bank accounts, and raising our mutual son and his daughter from a previous relationship, as well as my goddaughters part-time. We also each owned our own property, were in the process of buying another one together, and he had a lot of investments. Our lives were already incredibly entangled, and I had already seen how fairly and equitably he has dealt with his exgirlfriend/mother of his daughter over child support and custody without the courts ever being involved. I brought up a prenup when we were planning our wedding, and asked him if he thought we should have one drawn up. He didn't think it was necessary so we didn't, but I would have been willing for purely practical purposes, and if it was something he needed to feel confident about our marriage. I don't see it as especially insulting in and of itself, or suggestive of the people involved thinking the marriage will fail, although I did see it more that way when I was younger, the deathknell of romance and all that. I think how it's brought up is really important however, as it could be insulting if not handled with sensitivity because it could suggest negative things about one party's underlying character. I do admit that part of me was pleased that he didn't need that in order to feel confident about our marriage, however...I appreciated the gesture of trust.
Art_Critic Posted March 9, 2010 Posted March 9, 2010 I wouldn't be insulted but I also would not ask a someone I was marrying to sign one either.. I think before anybody says they need one they need to study the divorce laws in their state. In my state all my premarital assets are already protected without a prenup.. including inheritances. A prenup doesn't guarantee you anything as many can be invalidated in court and the other thing to remember if you do have one written is to make sure you don't use a divorce attorney without contractual law experience. A prenup is a binding contact and as such your attorney should be a contractual law attorney to make sure all the i's are dotted. I know in many states that if both parties do not have their own individual attorneys then the prenup isn't binding in a court of law. Many people just assume that only one party must have an attorney. Do your homework before just throwing it out there...
threebyfate Posted March 9, 2010 Posted March 9, 2010 Yes, not only would I sign a prenup, I would and did insist on one. As it happened, we ended up with a post-nup, due to the unexpected conception of Bump.
meerkat stew Posted March 9, 2010 Posted March 9, 2010 Finances are often a friction point in relationships. Marriage is an ill-drafted contract by the state that fails with frightening regularity and undesirable results. When you walk up to a roulette table and are deciding to bet black or red, monitoring the size of the bets you make has nothing to do with "planning to fail" but rather accepting given realities. I have dated several women with more assets than me over the years, and would have no problem with any kind of pre-nup. As someone else said, I would actually respect them more for it because it shows rationality and a good head for planning.
Awesome Username Posted March 9, 2010 Posted March 9, 2010 (edited) I'd be pissed. If you don't wanna share your life, blood, belongings, sickness, health, and parenthood responsibilities with me, and you don't see our future being permanent together, than don't marry me! Then again, I don't see a huge deal about getting married, either. Edited March 9, 2010 by Awesome Username
bayouboi Posted March 9, 2010 Posted March 9, 2010 I'd be pissed. If you don't wanna share your life, blood, belongings, sickness, health, and parenthood responsibilities with me, and you don't see our future being permanent together, than don't marry me! Oh I want to share everything with you and I DO see our future being permanent together. The problem is that I don't know whether or not YOU will always see our future being permanent together.
marsle85 Posted March 9, 2010 Posted March 9, 2010 Oh I want to share everything with you and I DO see our future being permanent together. The problem is that I don't know whether or not YOU will always see our future being permanent together. Hmm...but can you test everything? And I know scientifically paternity tests are quite helpful in a plentiful amount of cases. But unfortunately so much more goes into the act of producing that child (illegitimate or not) relationships, and marriage than a black/white decision. At what point do we stop testing? IMO, the complexity of human emotions/sexuality are far too advanced for a nominal examination.
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