guest Posted January 10, 2004 Posted January 10, 2004 Ok, I just need some advice about a break up. Its not going well. i don't think that either one of us wants to let go of the comfort of eachother...it's so bizarre how no matter how good or bad a relationship may be, there's always some level of comfort that you get from the person that is hard to let go of when you split up. it would probably be easier if my life was full, or had been full, i should say, of other things besides him. but, seeing as how i don't really know anybody around here, i've been spending alot of time at home trying to busy myself. i'm trying harder and harder not to wish that the phone would ring and it would be him, or that he would knock on my door, or invite me to come over to his house. i think that i just want to keep on being physically close to him. it would be nice if that could happen without any other expectations. sometimes i just like to be hugged. alot. so anyways, like i was saying, things are wierd because he tells me one thing, but then acts a different way. i guess it's his way of protecting himself. he does what i can't always do, which is to do what is best for himself...i mean to withstand the urges to see the person he's just broken up with, or to let things drift back into this nebulous state where no one really knows what is going on. me, i usually end up succumbing to the urges and seeing the person, and then before you know it, things are all crazy and you're in this half-broken up, half-together state where everything is uncertain and confusing. but not him. he totally puts up walls and stays safe behind them. part of me wishes that i could be like that. so i'm trying to just be strong and resist feeling like i NEED to see him or whatever soon. trying to just accept that things didn't work out and that breaking up, however hard it is, was in fact the right thing to do. i tend to hope for things that i'm not even sure that i really want, like seeing him and such and him telling me that he wants to try to work things out. it's strange...even though i feel lilke i really want to see him and hang out with him, i find it hard to think of actually being with him again. like i imagine what it would be like if we got back together, and it doesn't exactly seem like paradise or anything! i envision the same old things! Im not sure what to do. I just need some advice on how to handle these feelings.
guest Posted January 10, 2004 Posted January 10, 2004 Hi, I was wondering if I need to join up in order to see replys. Im new here, not sure if Im going about this right.
Goatsbreath Posted January 10, 2004 Posted January 10, 2004 Hi, I often do the same thing when it comes to a break up. I think it is natural to have a hard time letting go of someone that has been in your life for a period of time. I mean, even if you know they are not the one. My advise is to just move on. I think the more you talk and rehash things over and over the more mess you create. I mean, sure, you could just have the physical thing you speak of but then this prevents you from moving on and finding something real. Or, if you do, you have the emotional chaos of X partners swirling about in your background and any would be approachers are sure not to like this. Ofcourse, this is my advise and alas, somehow I never seem to follow it.
dyermaker Posted January 10, 2004 Posted January 10, 2004 The way you move on is by focusing on yourself, and not investing yourself in another person yet. Do your own thing, until you feel comfortable and strong enough to participate in a relationship again. When this time comes, and it will take time, you'll not forgotten about this person, but you will feel differently.
The Burning Man Posted January 10, 2004 Posted January 10, 2004 I know exactly what you are talking of. We broke up last week and this has been the most miserable week of my life. What did help me was to talk to a couple of friends and pour my heart out over a few beers. The pain doesn't go away, but you feel lighter. Fill your life with activities, but do spend some time with yourself. Cry if you must - strangely, it helps. If it helps you any way, I think of her all the time. I call her every other day, so that the pull-out is not so sudden - she was both my girl-friend and my best friend. By the way, I am the one who broke up. And I am burning.
guest Posted January 10, 2004 Posted January 10, 2004 Thanks for all of your outlooks on the situation. Its good to here someone talk about this with me even if it is strangers. I mean, like I said, I dont have many, or actually, no friends around here so I dont think I will be sharing any beers. My brother lives here and my mom is a few hours away but other then that. Well, life has sort of been slow. I guess this is what is making it so hard. Hes really all I had and yet I realize he is not all I want out of a relationship. I guess Im confused about if I should remain in contact or force myself to remain distant. The later will be hard however. Well, thanks again.
Girlie Posted January 10, 2004 Posted January 10, 2004 Guest Do yourself a favor and go with the no contact. I, too, am trying like mad to walk away from something that's not right for me, so I understand how hard it is. I want to contact him so badly, but I've been hurt enough, and it sounds like you have, too. If you need an internet buddy to share anything with, I'd be happy to help. You can always private message me. And good luck to you...to both of us.
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