ciu Posted March 9, 2010 Share Posted March 9, 2010 He broke up with me 10 days ago after 2.5 years together. He texted few times after and called several times to check how was I doing. I didn't answer the phone by I replied via email just saying "im fine". We haven't spoken since then (5 days). It is his birthday next week. I am so mad at what he did, but I still love him and I hope there is a chance for us to work things out, i.e. I am still not ready to move on. Should I wish him happy bday in such a situation? Link to post Share on other sites
skydiveaddict Posted March 9, 2010 Share Posted March 9, 2010 No!.............. Link to post Share on other sites
D-Lish Posted March 9, 2010 Share Posted March 9, 2010 No! Not wishing him happy b-day will have more impact than wishing him one. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ciu Posted March 9, 2010 Author Share Posted March 9, 2010 Thanks! That's my plan as well. But will he take it as a sign of me being done with him and not willing to give any chance to him if he wants one? Link to post Share on other sites
Ingenue Posted March 9, 2010 Share Posted March 9, 2010 No, do not wish him a happy birthday. The both of you are no longer in a relationship, nor are you friends. Why keep up the pretense that you are? Link to post Share on other sites
The Paper Knight Posted March 9, 2010 Share Posted March 9, 2010 Thanks! That's my plan as well. But will he take it as a sign of me being done with him and not willing to give any chance to him if he wants one? NOT TRUE! He broke up with you and he still knows your number. At present, I am sorry to say, you are thinking unreasonably. You want a second chance so bad reason has gone out the door. stick to NC, believe ALL of us on LS that it DOES work for both healing and if you still want to believe - second chances as awell. ... and no bday texts! Link to post Share on other sites
Author ciu Posted March 9, 2010 Author Share Posted March 9, 2010 Yeah, i know I am being unreasonable, is hard to control emotions, thats why I need your advise. Speaking about NC, is it sth you just initiate or you have to announce it to your ex as well. I have read few other blogs saying that NC starts by you accepting the break up to your ex (perhaps drop a short email) and announcing you want to go NC. This will help you to heal quicker and move on faster. Do you agree with this? Link to post Share on other sites
The Paper Knight Posted March 9, 2010 Share Posted March 9, 2010 Speaking about NC, is it sth you just initiate or you have to announce it to your ex as well. I have read few other blogs saying that NC starts by you accepting the break up to your ex (perhaps drop a short email) and announcing you want to go NC. This will help you to heal quicker and move on faster. Do you agree with this? I think it all depends on the situation. Some relationship gurus will tell you to agree with the breakup at the time you are being broken, then go NC. If this doesnt happen then you need to go plain old NC to stop yourself making the mistake of playing the desperate card, which I have done before - we all learn the hard way. If your partner still tries to see 'how you are going' then tell them nicely to leave you alone. Others that live with their ex spouse really need to get out of dodge before they can go NC. hope this helps and be strong. I find writing a journal helps. You will actually laugh at it when you read it months down the track when you are no longer love sick. Link to post Share on other sites
rand0m Posted March 10, 2010 Share Posted March 10, 2010 I say: do it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ciu Posted March 10, 2010 Author Share Posted March 10, 2010 Random...why you suggest do it? It will help me to know your perspective. Link to post Share on other sites
adamt Posted March 10, 2010 Share Posted March 10, 2010 my ex dumped me about a week before her birthday. i actually bought a card and sent it and just wished her happy birthday and take care. Just a neutral card. I had to do it otherwise i would have wondered if not sending a card would have contributed to us not getting back. i didnt get a response. 9 months on we arnt back together and i'm moving on. so doing anything for their birthday will not bring them back. it just hurts more when you get no response or you get a response which gives you false hope. Link to post Share on other sites
LovelyDaze Posted March 10, 2010 Share Posted March 10, 2010 Random...why you suggest do it? It will help me to know your perspective. Hi, ciu... I hope Random is telling you to go ahead and send birthday wishes only so that you will get a definitive reaction from your ex. Like when most people break NC and the ex breaks their heart even worse than before proves they should stay away from them. My advice? Don't. It doesn't kill any chance at all. I have NOT wished my exes any birthday wishes and I now have TWO constantly texting and calling me. They hurt me...I feel I don't owe them anything. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ciu Posted March 10, 2010 Author Share Posted March 10, 2010 I guess you are right lovely daze. Is just I am having these doubts and silly hopes of him perhaps regretting his decision given that it was taken in harsh..and given all the text message drama afterwards....I did send him a text few days ago just telling him "This is all so sad" and he just replied saying "I know". That reply killed me. I don't want to get another cold reply out of courtesy when I wish him on his bday..Plus, hell yeah, HE DOESN'T DESERVE IT!!!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
LovelyDaze Posted March 10, 2010 Share Posted March 10, 2010 I guess you are right lovely daze. Is just I am having these doubts and silly hopes of him perhaps regretting his decision given that it was taken in harsh..and given all the text message drama afterwards....I did send him a text few days ago just telling him "This is all so sad" and he just replied saying "I know". That reply killed me. I don't want to get another cold reply out of courtesy when I wish him on his bday..Plus, hell yeah, HE DOESN'T DESERVE IT!!!!!!! Exactly. If you ever have time to kill....read my posts when I started here in October '09. I fought hard to not contact my ex only for that same and ex AND another return but never have changed one bit! The proof is in the pudding. If your ex REALLY wants you back, he is not going to care whether you wished him a happy b-day or not. How crazy would that be if he didn't want to be back with you JUST b-cuz you didn't give birthday wishes? Stay strong. Fight thru that moment of that sheer urge to contact him. You will be so proud of yourself as I have now learned. Tonight, lay down in your bed and pretend you did send him wishes and getting a lame duck response from him like "Thanks" or "Appreciate it" as if you were just some platonic co-worker or something. You will feel like s*** and hate yourself later. You are worth more...he knows you give a damn...let him show you how much he gives a damn about YOU. Link to post Share on other sites
rand0m Posted March 10, 2010 Share Posted March 10, 2010 I say do it because it's childish and immature not to, in my opinion. If he meant something to you, then suck it up and wish him a happy birthday. It's not about being "strong or weak", it's about love and respect. You were with this person for 2.5 years. Sure, he hurt you, and you're upset, but a simple "Happy Birthday" isn't going to **** anything up. Sometimes we all just need to grow up. It's always some sort of a battle. Do you really want to lose this person forever? Do you want to regret not sending him a birthday greeting? I'll tell you one thing, when I broke up with my ex-ex a long long time ago, she sent me a birthday wish 5 months after we broke up, and I was grateful. It showed courage and that she had a heart and still cared about me a lot. Did it change my feelings? No, but it didn't make them any worse. That's why I say: do it. Link to post Share on other sites
mmk1 Posted March 10, 2010 Share Posted March 10, 2010 This is probably the most discussed LS item and I've not come to firm conclusion. One part of me says yes, we've wished each other happy birthday and more for more than 10 years, why shouldn't I? The other part says, the heck with them, they dumped me and I owe them nothing. Besides, I refuse to validate her or look needy and pathethic. So, fortunately, my birthday will come before hers. I will let her show me what to do. If she sends greetings, I will too. If not, then nope! If that's not the case for you and you've gone NC, then no, don't send it. If you've stayed in LC, then its fine. Just don't be disappointed if you get no response. Link to post Share on other sites
name witheld Posted March 11, 2010 Share Posted March 11, 2010 No. No contact means no contact. if you are to be friends at some time in the future then there is the rest of your life to do that, if not then it doesn't matter!! My ex's birthday was at the weekend and I was thinking about her a lot and if I'm honest considered reaching out. But no, I have been in NC for several months now and don't want to ruin it, no matter how hard she tries. NC is for healing and I'm not healed yet so I stay. So the question you really need to ask yourself is: Are you healed? I suspect no so stay NC, even if its a year or more. Women are disposable, thats the attitude that makes em love you. Link to post Share on other sites
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