BootsElectric Posted March 9, 2010 Posted March 9, 2010 A little backstory, my girlfriend of over a year broke up with me on super bowl sunday, a week after moving down to LA for a new job, and to be near her. Due to the lack of negativity in the break, and our close proximity living near each other, NC wasn't really an option, extremely LC was as good as I could get. Since the break, I went through the typical spectrum of emotions, extremely sad, extreme anger, resentment, etc. Due to some soul searching and the fact I didn't want to let negativity take a hold of me, I managed to let go of that negativity towards her, remaining amicable. Since then, we've hung out a few times, things were pleasant enough. Tested and proved I wasn't angry any more. Both times after, I was left feeling rather foolish, wondering what I was really doing. Started to limit the contact even more. Anyways, after rescinding an offer to hang out yesterday, she posts on her FB a simple update saying "She's Sad" She never posts emotive FB updates. I know it was because of me. I'd be lying if I didn't get a small amount of twisted pleasure out of it. Callous I know, but whatever. Anyways, this morning, I wake to find 3 of my windows of my car smashed in. Not even really angry, I felt lonelier than ever to be down here by myself. Almost involuntarily, I called her and asked if she'd want to go to coffee. We ended up riding bikes all day together, she wanted to keep extending the day in order to keep my mind off things. So where am I left now? I felt like I was making ground, but due to some ******* who wanted to steal my Talking Heads CD, I had an extreme moment of weakness, and now I feel like I've taken a step back. Thoughts? She texted me later today to wish me good luck in getting it taken care of. Right now I'm furious at myself.
spriggig Posted March 10, 2010 Posted March 10, 2010 Ok, I read the FAQ post on this site about NC, in fact it's in my sig because I believe in it. BUT, NC is not ONLY about moving on--if you like this girl and want to be with her, NC has worked for you, it sounds like! Just take it really slow, you've made two steps toward her by spending the day with her, now make one step back. Next time she contacts you to meet--and let her make contact--don't return her call/text/email right away. Wait until you feel like she just might contact again--be that two days, one day or a few hours, however it feels.
The Paper Knight Posted March 10, 2010 Posted March 10, 2010 Was your moment of weakness buying the Talking Heads CD or hanging with an ex? I think hanging out with an ex is fine so long as you don't feel like the only reason is to bone her. I feel the best relationships are based on friendship and not lust.
Author BootsElectric Posted March 10, 2010 Author Posted March 10, 2010 The weakness was that I would call her up almost immediately without thinking about it. I've always been a self reliant type, that doesn't really coincide with throwing a pity party and inviting the woman who dumped me.
sedgwick Posted March 10, 2010 Posted March 10, 2010 You say you can't go NC because you live near each other, but you're in LA! It's not like you're in some one-horse town. You feel bad every time you see her, so why not go NC? Unless you live across from each other in the same apartment complex in units with no doors, you can avoid her.
The Paper Knight Posted March 12, 2010 Posted March 12, 2010 The weakness was that I would call her up almost immediately without thinking about it. I've always been a self reliant type, that doesn't really coincide with throwing a pity party and inviting the woman who dumped me. If it is clear that you are 'just friends', then cut her loose, I am sure you have enough of them. The last thing you want is the moment she comes to you for advice about men - you will want to spew! Personally I think women like to be dominated, just jump her one day and if she resists then just tell her how much she drives you crazy. If she says no, well say thats it! Then you can walk away knowing you gave it one last shot. Good-luck.
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