MissJo Posted March 9, 2010 Posted March 9, 2010 Me and my boyfriend have been together for 2 years. I feel like we have a pretty good relationship most of the time. We have recently moved across the country together but, we are not living together. I am having a seriously hard time trusting him lately. He lives about an hour away where he is going to school. Luckily for me, school will be over at the end of the week and he is moving back in with me. Here are my issues....maybe I have trust issues...maybe he's a cheater and liar. Monday-Thursday of last week I spent the night at his house or he was at my house. On Thursday we were supposed to have dinner together and watch some movies. He told me to come at a certain time, 15 minutes before we were supposed to meet at his house he calls to ask me if I mind if he has a beer with some friends from school. Since its the last week of school and he said he was spending the weekend with me I said it was ok. I was a little irritated that he didnt just tell me before I drove an hour over there but, he was at his house 45 min later. Friday, he tells me he will call me after school. I was expecting him to call me by 5. He didnt call at all. And he was supposed to be coming over. He texts at 7 saying hey, when I text him back...I dont get a response. At 8 the next morning he calls to apologize. He says hes getting a ride to his car and he will call me when he gets his car bc his battery is dying. He also asks me what I want to do that day. Well, guess what? I never heard from him allllll day on saturday. ALL DAY. So, He blew me off 2 days in a row. Sunday, he calls...apologizes again...says he got kidnapped, "everyone" went to the river. Apparently hes really sorry...yeah right. He couldnt borrow someones phone? I am pissed and basically dont talk to him for the rest of the night. This morning he calls me to see if I want to have lunch. I had to go drop off some papers for work in his town so I said ok. Lunch was good, and he acted like nothing even happened. Im still pissed and I feel like I cant even trust his word anymore. Am I overreacting? Even if he would have rather spent time with his friends from school...he should have called to tell me he wasnt coming. It made me feel unimportant. He said "well im going to be living with you so, i didnt think you would be that upset about me not coming, but, I should have called" wtf?
Eeyore79 Posted March 10, 2010 Posted March 10, 2010 The first issue is nothing I think. He wouldn't have time to cheat in 45 mins. He probably had a beer with his friends. The second issue is a little more worrying. On two occasions he didn't call when he said he would, and he was out with other people and didn't bother to let you know. This could signal that he was ignoring you and was perhaps out with someone else... OR it could mean he's extremely comfortable in the relationship and didn't think you'd mind or feel insecure. What it comes down to is that he was inconsiderate in not calling you when he said he would, but if he doesn't do it all the time it's not the end of the world. As people become more comfortable in a relationship they pull away slightly because they feel confident that they can get on with their life and the other person will still be there when they return. My bf and I used to speak every day to begin with, but now I'm not too concerned if I don't hear from him until the evening because I feel pretty secure and I trust that we can both do other stuff and still be there for each other afterwards. If I were you, I'd be inclined to tell him off and then let it go, as long as he doesn't do it again.
BeeMine Posted March 10, 2010 Posted March 10, 2010 i think you are being paranoid... Relax and if you really have worries don't post them here ask him yourself!
CarrieT Posted March 10, 2010 Posted March 10, 2010 He couldnt borrow someones phone? This is in no way an excuse but, in this digital age with folks saving numbers to personal cell phones, how many people's numbers do YOU physically remember? Seriously, if my phone were to die tomorrow and I was in an emergency and needed to phone someone, I don't know ANYONE'S phone number by heart (even my sister, whom I call every few days and have known for 40+ years); once I've programmed it in, it is forgotten. Just a thought that if he was "kidnapped," he might not even know your number, even if he had the inclination to call...
Richard Friedman Posted March 10, 2010 Posted March 10, 2010 Just a thought. If I were carrying on an affair I'd take a couple minutes to call and come up with a viable excuse to defuse suspicion instead of not calling period. He is inconsiderate no doubt, but if he is cheating then he is being an idiot going about it.
lordWilhelm Posted March 10, 2010 Posted March 10, 2010 Is this an isolated incident or has it happened before, and often? If it's a one-time thing, just tell him how you felt about it but make sure you do so in a non-accusatory fashion. If it's a pattern, then that may be telling you something.
ADF Posted March 10, 2010 Posted March 10, 2010 Based on what you said, I think there are two distinct possibilities: 1) he is cheating. 2) he is deliberately pushing you to see how much you'll put up with. That way, when he starts cheating, he'll know how careful he has to be to keep you in the dark.
Author MissJo Posted March 11, 2010 Author Posted March 11, 2010 Thanks for all the responses. I had a chance to talk to him yesterday face to face. I told him how I felt...He apologized and said he was wrong for not calling. I think he's getting senioritis or whatever since its the last week of school... He said that I was being silly but, that he was inconsiderate. I mentioned that I felt like things were getting worse and he said he felt like things were better between us.... So...the closer we get the less time I see him? I told him I would chill out until school was out, he doesnt have to spend every minute that hes not in school with me...but, that a phone call would be the considerate thing to do. I think he just wasnt thinking...he said, he didnt think it would be a big deal. Cheating or not, Im not putting up with the not calling crap anymore. But, since it was an isolated incident...Im not too angry. I guess I need to give him some breathing room..
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