Vegas Baby Posted March 8, 2010 Posted March 8, 2010 My bf & I have been together for almost 10 months now. In the beginning everything was great. Once we began living together, after about 7 months, things started taking a turn for the worse. Since we're around each other more now, there are certain things that come to the attention. Well if I catch him with something that I don't think is appropriate, like I found naked pics in his phone & he says that his friend sends him those just for fun. I didn't exactly believe him but I took his word for it. There has been similar situations where he won't tell me about some of his friends who are girls, like I've never met them, because they live in different states or whatever. Well last night he thought I was sleeping but I got up to ask him if he had any medicine for my headache & he was on the computer looking at girls on webcams?? I got angry right away & he said it's just a friend he's talking to, & I said oh yah then where is your camera & why isn't it on a program & not a website. So I told him if he has nothing to hide, then show me it & he refused. I'm not sure what kind of website it is, but I'm assuming it's not "friendly" website. He's also lied to me about other things before, he used to be an alcoholic if that explains anything, but I don't know what to believe anymore. I want to make this work, but I don't want to get hurt & I want a trustworthy relationship. He keeps saying he didn't do anything wrong... He told me today , that yes he lied and he did in fact look t porn that night. This isn't the first time he has lied, just look at my other recent thread about my bf. He says he doesn't want me to flip out if he tells me he looks at porn because he knows my ex was obsessed with it and he thinks I would flip out if I knew. I told him I am hurt because he isn't intimate with me and ask why he has to look at that stuff. I can't stand his lies and he keeps trying to turn it around to where he thinks I'm going to break up with him over porn but the issue is the lies. I am confused and hurt and I don't know what to do.
Fouts Posted March 8, 2010 Posted March 8, 2010 So you moved in together and got to know the real person 24/7 and things aren't as great as before. It's a fairly common occurrence Vegas babe, he's having to lie to you to cover up behavior that you never knew about before. It's all about what you want and expect. Don't settle for less than that
Ruby Slippers Posted March 8, 2010 Posted March 8, 2010 I told him I am hurt because he isn't intimate with me and ask why he has to look at that stuff. I can't stand his lies and he keeps trying to turn it around to where he thinks I'm going to break up with him over porn but the issue is the lies. If your boyfriend would rather look at porn than have sex with you, then you have a problem. The sad fact is this problem is becoming more common. You can try to talk to him about it, but a man who would rather masturbate to porn than have sex with his woman is either not that attracted to her (so the relationship won't last, anyway), or he's so far gone that he'll probably need a major attitude adjustment to change. Personally, if I were in a relationship with a man who preferred to look at porn over having sex with me, I would leave.
Fouts Posted March 8, 2010 Posted March 8, 2010 If your boyfriend would rather look at porn than have sex with you, then you have a problem. The sad fact is this problem is becoming more common. You can try to talk to him about it, but a man who would rather masturbate to porn than have sex with his woman is either not that attracted to her (so the relationship won't last, anyway), or he's so far gone that he'll probably need a major attitude adjustment to change. Personally, if I were in a relationship with a man who preferred to look at porn over having sex with me, I would leave. QFT Good post !
Author Vegas Baby Posted March 8, 2010 Author Posted March 8, 2010 exactly, i see both of your points. it is to where since we live together he has to lie about his behaviors that i never knew about or i did no but he said he wouldn't look at it. the fact of the matter is that he told me he hates when he sees me sad when i get my time of the month because he knows i want a family down the road and he's told me before that he might have issues with having kids, which is a whole other issue trust me. so his excuse is to why he is not intimate is because he doesn't want to see me sad, but the fact of it is i am not sad, he knows this and he continues to manipulate the situation, which doesn't seem fair to me.
TouchedByViolet Posted March 9, 2010 Posted March 9, 2010 Sounds like you know what is going on. I need to get some womanizing advice from your bf
Author Vegas Baby Posted March 9, 2010 Author Posted March 9, 2010 he keeps telling me that this so called friend that he chats with is none of my business??? wtf?
Author Vegas Baby Posted March 9, 2010 Author Posted March 9, 2010 and pretty much says that his friends or whatever he does is none of my business.
boogieboy Posted March 9, 2010 Posted March 9, 2010 He will continue to lie as long as you stay with him. Why would he have to change when youre not going anywhere? Its the way he is. He lies, he likes porn, he isnt interested in sex with you, he doesnt want kids, and it will get worse in time. You cant change him. Is this the life you want? You cant do any better eh? You can leave him, and temporarily get him o miss you and act better for a while, but this is his essense, its the way he will always be. Your best bet is to bail out.
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