kassy Posted March 8, 2010 Posted March 8, 2010 (edited) Hi, I was just wondering if any divorced men could give me any pointers on how to make the whole process easier for him, he seems terrified. So basically, we met online, chatted for a month - both of us travelled during that time. Finally we met, we were both really nervous, but had a great date that lasted about 5 hours. I emailed to thank him when I got home as my train arrived and cut the goodbye short. He replied with a nice but short email. Now we are back to emailing as before. He has a demanding job and works shifts and is studying for a test at the beginning of next month for work. Anyway, the problem is he told me before the date that he has taken 2 years after his amicable divorce to be purposefully single and I am the first person he has dated. He seems like a fantastic guy, we have a lot in common and the date was fun, but he was very guarded which is understandable, and I'm just not sure he's ready to date someone. If he is I just want to make sure that I don't make his first dating experience back in the game a bad one (regardless of whether things work out between us or not). So any tips on how to make him more at ease is appreciated. Oh we also live two hours appart, and he's 38 and I'm 30 if that makes any difference. Also, I'm not sure if there will be a second date... I don't want to rush him, but I really would like to meet him again at some point because I had a great time. Would it be easier for him if I asked him out? Or would that just make him feel like I'm rushing him. Thanks Edited March 8, 2010 by kassy
Author kassy Posted March 8, 2010 Author Posted March 8, 2010 Thanks for the reply. I just want to say I'm not obsessing over him, just rather I've never dated someone who is divorced, and certainly not the first person they have dated. We had a great date, I'd like to see him again, but beyond that who knows. I also think it is great he waited two years, and he's clearly really nervous about the whole dating again thing, I just wondered if there is anything I can do to make it easier for him from someone who has been in his shoes (but also obviously I will still just be myself! I am not trying to pretend to be anything other than myself)
carhill Posted March 8, 2010 Posted March 8, 2010 OP, we're a couple months away from our amicable D being final and have lived apart for about a year. I just started 'dating' recently. In my case, I have no unresolved issues from the M and have no 'connection' to my stbx. I'm also much older and don't feel I need to wait years to start dating, years I might very well die. IMO, the key is perspective. If he says he's 'scared' or 'nervous', things I'd never say because I'm not, believe him. Take it slow. Because of MC, while 'dating', I saw signs of incompatibility which had surfaced prior during the MC process so declined to continue with that potential; IOW, I used lessons learned from my M to make better dating decisions. Has the gentleman you're dating been through MC? Can he talk about his strengths and weaknesses openly? What he wants in the future? For example, the above potential asked me what I was looking for in a relationship. I replied that, even though my M did not succeed, I enjoyed being married and liked that kind of committed relationship. Clear and simple. Time will tell if simple clarity causes women to bolt
flc Posted March 8, 2010 Posted March 8, 2010 How long was he married? For me I was married for 20 years so a lot had changed i.e. there was no online before I was married. I think the biggest thing for me was the women who were concerned that they might just be a rebound so the did not want to get involved and my figuring out how to meet women. As far as your discussions with him just stay away from the whole divorce issue and focus on each other and let things flow, there is probably nothing you can do anyway, it will be all up to him on how he handles dating.
Author kassy Posted March 9, 2010 Author Posted March 9, 2010 Hi Guys, Thanks for giving me a bit of insight into what dating is like for a divorced guy. I've been steering clear of the whole topic, but he has volunteered some information. Not sure how long they were married but I get the impression about 10 years. I'm not sure if he went to MC, but I have a feeling he might have. (you have to remember while it's been 6 weeks online, we've only met once, so IMO it's none of my business right now). flc, I must say the thought had crossed my mind that I don't want to be the rebound girl. But, I also don't know what else he could have done to try and not make the first girl he dated the rebound girl. And well we aren't dating, we went on a date, so really it's not even something worth concerning myself with right now. Ok well, I'll just take it slow, believe him if he says he's nervous etc and just have a fun time with him if I get the opportunity to again. Cheers, and good luck with your dating too!!
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