swift99 Posted March 8, 2010 Posted March 8, 2010 hello there... i am confused and i dont know what to do... hope you can help.. my boyfriend of almost 3 yrs gave me his hotmail password several months ago so I was doing some work on his behalf. he told me that he didn't mind and was not hiding anything for me... sweet i thought. my car broke down and since the bank won't approve my car loan, and so he bought a second hand 2008 model car for me... sweet i said... altho' prior to the actual date when he was about to purchase the car, i told him not to since my brother had just had a bypass operation and i need to help my brother financially. he said its ok, the monthly payment was no issue. this was last december 09 and the car is still with me and i am a happy bunny. sometime mid-january my boyfriend had problems with his work and told me he needed time to sort himself out and i gave that to him. he lives in another city so we meet up on weekends only. last i saw him was 21 january. since then, he would text me saying that he was sorry and he misses me every now and then. till the days dragged on till mid-february. when i try to ring him, he would not pick up. still i did not take further action. i was thinking he still needed time. i attempted to access his e-mail since i wanted to get his bank details and send at least the monthly payment for the car, try to help him out so to speak. While going through i came across an email from a female and i of course read it. To my surprise, i came to know that my boyfriend had an affair with this girl. Based on the exchange of their e-mails it seems that this girl, gave herself freely and on the same night they met. Her e-mails were all about being hurt and finally letting go. It seems that this poor girl has been led my boyfriend for 1yr and 9 months. She held on to the relationship based on text and emails alone. My boyfriend's emails were all about being sorry for not being there, all B.S. basically. So this girl finally ended this fairytale relatonship, dated 29 dec. When my boyfriend texted me on 13 feb thinking of valentines day, he said he loved me and all that so i told him that we needed to talk. So he rang and i told him that i know about his infidelity and that i understood him and i will not change him and he can continue doing so as long as he sets me free. he was surprised, confused and totally denied everything and wanted to know who i have been talking to. I did not tell him that i accessed his email but i do have proof and know all details. That was the last day i spoke to him, 13 feb. Every weekend from then on, he would send me text messages saying that he misses me and my respond would be i miss him too but unfortunately, we have to move on separately. i've asked him as well what he wants to do about the car. he said that he does not want to break up with me and no mention about the car and payments. his last text was on 1st march saying the usual miss you so much and nothing until now. so, what's up with him, people? please give me some light. i have tried many times by text messages that we needed to talk personally but he would not give me a proper answer. i told him to set aside immaturities and whatever but we needed to finalise our issues, at least about the car but nothing. do i just wait until he re-appears? what do you recommend i should do? his problem at work is all sorted now. we dont have a common friend that i can call on or talk through. i was thinking that i send him an e-mail on 20 march since it would be 2 months since we last saw each other and we cannot call this a relationship if we havent seen each other for that time when he is just 2 hours drive away from me. what do you think? Thank you all for your time and appreciate your advise.
Bejita463 Posted March 8, 2010 Posted March 8, 2010 You train people how to treat you. You know what he did, and so does he. If you take him back, you are basically condoning those actions. He will do it again, and he will do it again because you told him that he can, and that he'll get away with it. Why are you still calling this jerk your boyfriend?
phineas Posted March 8, 2010 Posted March 8, 2010 It amazes me how people know you know they cheated because you gave them details only they knew & they still deny it. If he had admitted it right away instead of lieing that would show remorse. He's showing non. The reason you havn't seen him in a month is because he's probably got someone else & he's just stringing you along. Sorry, but i've been there before & this is exactly how it sounds.
prettybaby Posted March 8, 2010 Posted March 8, 2010 The fact that you still call him your boyfriend while you supposedly broke it off with him, shows that you're not ready to let go at all. You know that's what you should be doing though ... No good will come from this guy.
nowomanocry Posted March 8, 2010 Posted March 8, 2010 hello there... i am confused and i dont know what to do... hope you can help.. my boyfriend of almost 3 yrs gave me his hotmail password several months ago so I was doing some work on his behalf. he told me that he didn't mind and was not hiding anything for me... sweet i thought. my car broke down and since the bank won't approve my car loan, and so he bought a second hand 2008 model car for me... sweet i said... altho' prior to the actual date when he was about to purchase the car, i told him not to since my brother had just had a bypass operation and i need to help my brother financially. he said its ok, the monthly payment was no issue. this was last december 09 and the car is still with me and i am a happy bunny. sometime mid-january my boyfriend had problems with his work and told me he needed time to sort himself out and i gave that to him. he lives in another city so we meet up on weekends only. last i saw him was 21 january. since then, he would text me saying that he was sorry and he misses me every now and then. till the days dragged on till mid-february. when i try to ring him, he would not pick up. still i did not take further action. i was thinking he still needed time. i attempted to access his e-mail since i wanted to get his bank details and send at least the monthly payment for the car, try to help him out so to speak. While going through i came across an email from a female and i of course read it. To my surprise, i came to know that my boyfriend had an affair with this girl. Based on the exchange of their e-mails it seems that this girl, gave herself freely and on the same night they met. Her e-mails were all about being hurt and finally letting go. It seems that this poor girl has been led my boyfriend for 1yr and 9 months. She held on to the relationship based on text and emails alone. My boyfriend's emails were all about being sorry for not being there, all B.S. basically. So this girl finally ended this fairytale relatonship, dated 29 dec. When my boyfriend texted me on 13 feb thinking of valentines day, he said he loved me and all that so i told him that we needed to talk. So he rang and i told him that i know about his infidelity and that i understood him and i will not change him and he can continue doing so as long as he sets me free. he was surprised, confused and totally denied everything and wanted to know who i have been talking to. I did not tell him that i accessed his email but i do have proof and know all details. That was the last day i spoke to him, 13 feb. Every weekend from then on, he would send me text messages saying that he misses me and my respond would be i miss him too but unfortunately, we have to move on separately. i've asked him as well what he wants to do about the car. he said that he does not want to break up with me and no mention about the car and payments. his last text was on 1st march saying the usual miss you so much and nothing until now. so, what's up with him, people? please give me some light. i have tried many times by text messages that we needed to talk personally but he would not give me a proper answer. i told him to set aside immaturities and whatever but we needed to finalise our issues, at least about the car but nothing. do i just wait until he re-appears? what do you recommend i should do? his problem at work is all sorted now. we dont have a common friend that i can call on or talk through. i was thinking that i send him an e-mail on 20 march since it would be 2 months since we last saw each other and we cannot call this a relationship if we havent seen each other for that time when he is just 2 hours drive away from me. what do you think? Thank you all for your time and appreciate your advise. Hello I think you are right in your evaluations. During sorting himself out he could have seen you even if once a week / month - ffs, only 2h drive is nothing! You should sit down and talk about what you heading for as a couple - do it f2f... Then take a decision, either right or wrong it will be yours. If you do not want to bother, that is fine as well as I do not see any light in this as well hun Good luck
Leia Posted March 8, 2010 Posted March 8, 2010 do i just wait until he re-appears? No. Tell him it's over. He cheated on you. what do you recommend i should do? Break it off and let him cheat on someone else. This is not how a boyfriend treats his girlfriend.
carhill Posted March 8, 2010 Posted March 8, 2010 Pretty cool. You're not even married and got a nice car as a divorce settlement
Rearden Metal Posted March 8, 2010 Posted March 8, 2010 Pretty cool. You're not even married and got a nice car as a divorce settlement Hhahaha exactly my thoughts!
txsilkysmoothe Posted March 8, 2010 Posted March 8, 2010 I'm having a hard time following your story. You broke up with him, right? You expect him to contact you more frequently even though you broke up? I suppose it really doesn't matter. I don't think there is any repairing the relationship. Move on. Either buy the car or return it to him.
Author swift99 Posted March 9, 2010 Author Posted March 9, 2010 thank you all for your responses... i am overwhelmed... i knew all the answers tho perhaps just needed a slap on my face.... hugs to all....
Confusedguy81 Posted March 9, 2010 Posted March 9, 2010 being betrayed sucks and you don't want to believe it. It can damage self-esteem and cause you to question yourself and somehow claim it as your fault. Just remember it's him and accept the fact that he betrayed you and show enough strength to walk away.
harmfulsweetz Posted March 9, 2010 Posted March 9, 2010 He's a cheat, and a liar. What good will ever come of this? None. He hasn't come clean, despite being confronted with pretty strong evidence, and if there's one, there's generally more. I would tell him flat out, that you want nothing to do with him, and that if he wants to transfer the credit for the car into your name and your bank details, you will do so, or return the car.
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