nowomanocry Posted March 9, 2010 Posted March 9, 2010 I'm gonna write this here and see if you guys think I should send it, or just keep silent. Ex, I'm not sure what the point of your contacting me was, but if I had to guess it's some manipulative, ego boosting ploy to see how I'll respond. I was willing to talk to you if you came at me straight. But you never do, and I find myself less and less interested in talking to you at all. The fact is, you communicate terribly and never talk about anything real or important. I'm all set with that. You've had your chance. I'm sure you can find some meathead who loves to have a push/pull conflict who you can victimize easily. But that guy ain't me. In short, get lost. RM RM & Sean Do you seriously think she will understand this letter on an emotional level? (which is perfect if the other party was some other str8 decent gurl) The whole thing from what RM describes is a joke - I think sending or not sending this mail will not make any difference She will read the first sentence and the last one. She will not give a fook about it. Silence I think is the best way to describe some things. Or a simple fook-ff sms would do the trick Cheerio
Fouts Posted March 9, 2010 Posted March 9, 2010 RM, I'm glad you wrote but didn't send it. Keep doing that, it will help you. You were a good person and answered her texts straight up, she knows you're doing fine. Try not to bother responding if she sends you pointless texts like "are you ok" anymore. You've already done that. If she wants to contact you at this point, wait until she calls you or if she texts something of substance. If she sends a meaningful text, just text her back to call you and you two can talk. You are best to keep fighting through the tough times and moving forward, don't forget that.
sativo Posted March 9, 2010 Posted March 9, 2010 Sounds to me like the major hang-up is the sex (at least by your previous posts). I'm not trying to diminish the other stuff you guys shared. In fact, sex is only really good when emotions are involved. But it also sounds like she's young an immature. And it seems like you know this. It seems like you understand that the relationship was unhealthy. And while one "can always hope", that's what keeps you stuck in the pain loop. That' exactly why NC works -- to get you unstuck and on with your life. It sucks -- especially if she was your first sex/love/partner. Especially the sex part! It's hard to forget those details. But believe me, if you force yourself to move on, you will have good sex and good relationships with others. It will be hard and awkward at first. No one will measure up. But in time, you'll find some chick that will grow on you... and you'll start noticing all the sexy things she does... and one day (even if it hurts to hear this now), you'll forget this current chicks name.
Author Rearden Metal Posted March 9, 2010 Author Posted March 9, 2010 RM, I'm glad you wrote but didn't send it. Keep doing that, it will help you. You were a good person and answered her texts straight up, she knows you're doing fine. Try not to bother responding if she sends you pointless texts like "are you ok" anymore. You've already done that. If she wants to contact you at this point, wait until she calls you or if she texts something of substance. If she sends a meaningful text, just text her back to call you and you two can talk. You are best to keep fighting through the tough times and moving forward, don't forget that. Thanks again Fouts, sean, N1, nwnc... I'm actually feeling ok. I'm starting to pound into my thick skull that she's the one who is more conflicted and in pain. The poor girl can't even talk to me after a year with me where I was an open book. Mostly, I'm feeling a bit relieved that I'm feeling better. Counseling has been helpful. Talking to you guys and some friends has definitely helped. And moreover, I'm starting to address my problems from my divorce in June 08. It's been a rough couple of years for me, and this last relationship really tossed me up bad. I'm not sending the email. I'm just going to keep silence. And take Fouts advice and not respond to petty texts. If she persists and doesn't start really talking about important matters, I may send the email or one like it.
Author Rearden Metal Posted March 9, 2010 Author Posted March 9, 2010 Sounds to me like the major hang-up is the sex (at least by your previous posts). I'm not trying to diminish the other stuff you guys shared. In fact, sex is only really good when emotions are involved. But it also sounds like she's young an immature. And it seems like you know this. It seems like you understand that the relationship was unhealthy. And while one "can always hope", that's what keeps you stuck in the pain loop. That' exactly why NC works -- to get you unstuck and on with your life. It sucks -- especially if she was your first sex/love/partner. Especially the sex part! It's hard to forget those details. But believe me, if you force yourself to move on, you will have good sex and good relationships with others. It will be hard and awkward at first. No one will measure up. But in time, you'll find some chick that will grow on you... and you'll start noticing all the sexy things she does... and one day (even if it hurts to hear this now), you'll forget this current chicks name. BINGO- except the part about first lovers. She's actually like my 20-something lover. The problem is, she was the BEST. Ugh, I hate to think that's gone forever. LOL!
sativo Posted March 9, 2010 Posted March 9, 2010 lol.. forever is a long time. Sex is a weird subject. I can't say I have it figured out by any means. But in my experience, I've been surprised by how good it is even after being with "the one" who I thought was the best. It took time to get over her... but honestly, you'll get your groove back Stella :-P Actually, you can try to think about it this way. The 20 or so before her were not that bad... rather it was you who just didn't really know what good was. Now that you do, you can look for it. Once in a relationship, most girls are pretty accommodating sexually. Not sure what this chick did that made her stand out, but you may be able to reproduce something similar with others. If it was just a looks thing, and not a performance thing, then just look for another hottie. If you found one, you'll find another.
Author Rearden Metal Posted March 9, 2010 Author Posted March 9, 2010 Oh, it's a combination of things that I can't discuss that make her unique and ridiculously compatible. It may be true that there are plenty of others like her out there, but man... I dunno, I doubt it. LOL!
Fouts Posted March 9, 2010 Posted March 9, 2010 RM, unfortunately sometimes our best match in some ways are the worst in others. Life's full of funny "gotcha's" isn't it? Time is your friend bro. And for the love god, you sent the heartfelt email already, I'm the only one who didn't kick you in the balls for sending it But I won't be as nice next time. Please, no more emails bro, face to face or phone (voice) convo's only.
sativo Posted March 9, 2010 Posted March 9, 2010 Well, that's your Achilles heel -- doubting that you'll find another as good. The more you allow yourself to reminisce about her, the longer you're gonna struggle through this. It's hard, but maybe you can try practicing some distraction techniques?
Author Rearden Metal Posted March 9, 2010 Author Posted March 9, 2010 Well, that's your Achilles heel -- doubting that you'll find another as good. The more you allow yourself to reminisce about her, the longer you're gonna struggle through this. It's hard, but maybe you can try practicing some distraction techniques? I'm struggling less already. MUCH less than last week, when I was really feeling terrible almost always. I haven't cried in 3 days, that's gotta be good. Mostly I just feel sad that she's such a dumb little girl. I hoped she would start to mature but really it's not happening. I feel badly that I can't have a conversation with her anymore because her motives have taken over everything else. I'm just a good dude who wants better for us both and I'm upset/sad/annoyed that I fell for such a little baby. I'll be alright.
sean1970 Posted March 9, 2010 Posted March 9, 2010 If she persists and doesn't start really talking about important matters, I may send the email or one like it. Good idea; if she does not see it your way on her own, point out the error of her ways and thinking.
sativo Posted March 9, 2010 Posted March 9, 2010 Totally know the feeling. I'm always attracted to the freak shows myself. Stipper? Great! Abused by step-dad? No problem here! What is it about these sickos that we get attracted to? And damnit.. why are they always hot?
Author Rearden Metal Posted March 9, 2010 Author Posted March 9, 2010 RM, unfortunately sometimes our best match in some ways are the worst in others. Life's full of funny "gotcha's" isn't it? Time is your friend bro. And for the love god, you sent the heartfelt email already, I'm the only one who didn't kick you in the balls for sending it But I won't be as nice next time. Please, no more emails bro, face to face or phone (voice) convo's only. Absolutely right. Which is why I said "feel free to call me anytime". I want her to realize that I'm not interested in text convo's. She knows that when she calls it's going to be a real conversation or I will hang up, because that's what happened last time we spoke. I initiated NC, said "call me when you want more" and split. Which is why she hasn't called. She isn't ready for that and is avoiding it. And that's ok with me. But now I'm going to have to ignore texts as well. She's gonna have to call. Furthermore, when she does, I'll allow approximately 2 minutes of small talk. How's your family, School going well? Weather is awesome! Going golfing with Rob. How's the puppy? Then it's "alright, thanks for the call, unless you have something important to talk about..." She gets about 15 seconds after that to talk about what I want to hear.
Author Rearden Metal Posted March 9, 2010 Author Posted March 9, 2010 Totally know the feeling. I'm always attracted to the freak shows myself. Stipper? Great! Abused by step-dad? No problem here! What is it about these sickos that we get attracted to? And damnit.. why are they always hot? I can't even get into it in good conscience. But yeah, you got the idea.
Author Rearden Metal Posted March 10, 2010 Author Posted March 10, 2010 Well, not a peep from her. One can only guess what that was about.
Author Rearden Metal Posted March 11, 2010 Author Posted March 11, 2010 Update: Was in Boston most of the day. Returned to my office, had left my comp open with AIM on. Ex had written "hi" at 11AM. I returned at 3PM. I replied "wasn't here, left comp on. Have webinar starting now, call me later if you want". No call. I'm actually starting to LOL at these pathetic attempts at contact and the way I'm brushing them aside. I'll continue to do so until she calls. Then, if she doesn't want to talk about US, I'll cut it short and thank her for the call and hang up.
northstar1 Posted March 11, 2010 Posted March 11, 2010 Update: Was in Boston most of the day. Returned to my office, had left my comp open with AIM on. Ex had written "hi" at 11AM. I returned at 3PM. I replied "wasn't here, left comp on. Have webinar starting now, call me later if you want". No call. I'm actually starting to LOL at these pathetic attempts at contact and the way I'm brushing them aside. I'll continue to do so until she calls. Then, if she doesn't want to talk about US, I'll cut it short and thank her for the call and hang up. Rearden How about this strategy. You block her on AIM and ignore her texts If she is serious about reconcilling, neither hell or highwater (or any of those cliches) will stop her from finding you and doing what she has to get you back. All this is doing is keeping you focussed on her, instead of moving on. Her attempts are weak dude and don't deserve you replying at all. Block her.
vivrantflo Posted March 11, 2010 Posted March 11, 2010 Ex had written "hi" at 11AM. I returned at 3PM. I replied "wasn't here, left comp on. Have webinar starting now, call me later if you want". Dude, do you really expect her to respond or call you after this? All she has to do is type "hi" and she gets a response letting her know what you're doing, and that she can call you later?? Really? Would you respect a chick that's pining for you, and all you had to do was throw out a text saying "hey" and she's all over you?? Respect=Attraction And she isn't showing you much respect. Everyone is telling you to stop responding.. maybe you should take the majority advice
Author Rearden Metal Posted March 11, 2010 Author Posted March 11, 2010 Guys, take a sedative. I've not "responded" other than to say "you are free to call me". In fact, I've blown her off in that I will not engage via text or IM. I had her blocked before, and it's just childish. I'm not seeking her out. I'm not contacting her. I'm not jumping when she contacts me. I'm just living my life and allowing her the opportunity to talk to me. Thus far, she's given a puny effort, but I've not clamored for her attention.
Author Rearden Metal Posted March 11, 2010 Author Posted March 11, 2010 Talked to Ex. She's dating and is unwilling to try again with me. Wants to remain friendly. I wished her the best but told her I couldn't be friends. So I guess it's good ol NC again and moving on to something better. Time to let it go, all the way now.
Ilovecake Posted March 11, 2010 Posted March 11, 2010 Sorry to read that RM. Did she tell you what all the attempts at communication were all about? Let me guess, just being friendly?
McGrupp Posted March 11, 2010 Posted March 11, 2010 Time to let it go, all the way now. good luck. i think it will take u awhile though from looking at your responses to her.
northstar1 Posted March 11, 2010 Posted March 11, 2010 Talked to Ex. She's dating and is unwilling to try again with me. Wants to remain friendly. I wished her the best but told her I couldn't be friends. So I guess it's good ol NC again and moving on to something better. Time to let it go, all the way now. Sorry to hear that> But I guess you got your answer and can move on now.
Author Rearden Metal Posted March 12, 2010 Author Posted March 12, 2010 Thanks all. Yes, it will take awhile. I just sent a final email to her really clearing my mind about all of the bullshi.t she put me through. I expect she won't like the email one bit but it was brutally honest and I feel like 1000 lb load off my back. And I made it really clear she can forget contacting me. And finally deleted her AIM and phone. If she called me right now, I'd tell her to eff herself.
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