Rearden Metal Posted March 8, 2010 Posted March 8, 2010 Hey guys- RM's coping log- http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t223080/ Yesterday- http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t223889/ So yesterday after a crappy weekend, I go to bed early. Wake up around midnight to check my phone out of habit, and this time there's a message floating across the screen from my ex. "Hope you're doing well." Now clearly, I have no idea what to do with this. Typically she opens a text conversation with even less than this, something like "hi", so this constitutes an effort on her part, LOL. I'm not sure if or how to respond. Was thinking later today or tomorrow responding 'I'm well, thanks for asking" and then letting her explain the reason for contact. Or should I just remain silent and allow her to get to an explanation on her own?
Author Rearden Metal Posted March 8, 2010 Author Posted March 8, 2010 nowomannocry, get in here and whoop my azz!!
sativo Posted March 8, 2010 Posted March 8, 2010 (edited) Just thought I'd chime in with something. I've found that when a break up (or relationship in general) is so complicated that you spend pages describing the details, that tends to be a red flag that things are probably too far gone to be recovered. I struggle with my situation, and the one thing I try to remember is that I've had a rough break up in the past -- yet oddly enough, when I think of that girl now, I feel nothing. I'll reach that point with this one too. Maybe you can remind yourself of that fact. As far as the txt, if she feels a strong need to reconcile, she'll show up on your lawn blasting "In Your Eyes" in the morning rain. Anything short of that lacks sincerity in my book. In other words, NC brother. Edited March 8, 2010 by sativo
Fouts Posted March 8, 2010 Posted March 8, 2010 RM, just text her, I'm doing fine, hope you're well too. Be nice, but I think it's a mistake to try and get chatty. Just leave it at answering her inquiry and responding with a well wish of your own imo. See if she pursues any further exchange.
Author Rearden Metal Posted March 8, 2010 Author Posted March 8, 2010 sativa- you may very well be right. But then, you could be dead wrong! Fouts- I've got IC at noon today. I'm going to wait til after and see how I'm feeling. Right now I'm kinda happy and feel good that she contacted me at all, but unsure why I'm feeling happy. Therapy will probably stir up the pot a bit, so I'll see how I'm doing after that. I do feel like just a straightforward, happy reply is fine. And not to engage unless she gets specific.
Fouts Posted March 8, 2010 Posted March 8, 2010 Your ego is feeling better, that's why you're happy. Sounds like a plan as far as what you laid out, just remember you're human. What would you do if she saw you in the grocery store and said hi, how are you? Be yourself, take it in stride, don't play anything into any words other than what they mean.
Author Rearden Metal Posted March 8, 2010 Author Posted March 8, 2010 Good advice as always Fouts. Please keep reading my threads LOL.
Fouts Posted March 8, 2010 Posted March 8, 2010 Good advice as always Fouts. Please keep reading my threads LOL. Thanks RM, no problem
McGrupp Posted March 8, 2010 Posted March 8, 2010 yeah dont contact her at all. shes trying to let go of guilt. NO CONTACT. got the same message 1 month after my breakup. 6 months later...hey she aint back. think nothing of it and destroy that message.
nowomanocry Posted March 8, 2010 Posted March 8, 2010 nowomannocry, get in here and whoop my azz!! Here I am punk whaddaya wont lmao
nowomanocry Posted March 8, 2010 Posted March 8, 2010 Hey guys- RM's coping log- http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t223080/ Yesterday- http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t223889/ So yesterday after a crappy weekend, I go to bed early. Wake up around midnight to check my phone out of habit, and this time there's a message floating across the screen from my ex. "Hope you're doing well." Now clearly, I have no idea what to do with this. Typically she opens a text conversation with even less than this, something like "hi", so this constitutes an effort on her part, LOL. I'm not sure if or how to respond. Was thinking later today or tomorrow responding 'I'm well, thanks for asking" and then letting her explain the reason for contact. Or should I just remain silent and allow her to get to an explanation on her own? Here is my advice: sms her and simply write "fook off" & that is less effort than her sms - bingo! whoop whoop lol
nobmagnet Posted March 8, 2010 Posted March 8, 2010 Here is my advice: sms her and simply write "fook off" & that is less effort than her sms - bingo! whoop whoop lol:lmao::lmao: I do declare that funny. However maybe not the best idea:p I would see how you feel after IC. I personally wouldnt reply but I havent read you original yet ( i have had a break from here) I will read you up and maybe change my mind! Nobby xx
nowomanocry Posted March 8, 2010 Posted March 8, 2010 :lmao::lmao: I do declare that funny. However maybe not the best idea:p I would see how you feel after IC. I personally wouldnt reply but I havent read you original yet ( i have had a break from here) I will read you up and maybe change my mind! Nobby xx Allrighty then How about "piss off" lol - same length, powerful, str8 to da point, macho and sexayyyyy lmao
nowomanocry Posted March 8, 2010 Posted March 8, 2010 nob - Like your posts, but gonna try to stop right here! Don't wanna b labelled as a "nob" lmao
nobmagnet Posted March 8, 2010 Posted March 8, 2010 :lmao::lmao: I do declare that funny. However maybe not the best idea:p I would see how you feel after IC. I personally wouldnt reply but I havent read you original yet ( i have had a break from here) I will read you up and maybe change my mind! Nobby xx Changed me mind. I wouldnt reply. If there is a chance of reconsilliation(if you indeed do want it) she needs to understand you are strong. Replying could indicate weakness and she will still have you pining over her. I would not reply. Its a bit mind gamie I understand but being slightly hard to get wont harm it. If she persists she is still very interested and if not......well it couldnt have ment that much for her to fight for it. Time to reflect. take NC as a good chance to evaluate and understand what the true relationship was about. Where you might have done better and where she could have done better. Reflection is brilliant healing. Not dwelling or self loathing just simple thought rationally. You will come out of this stronger with or without he IMO if you have a chance to reflect effectively. nobby xx
rand0m Posted March 8, 2010 Posted March 8, 2010 I'd reply for sure. "Be strong and ignore"? How is that in any way "strong". Be a man and reply with some sort of dignity and confidence. Keep it short and simple, as mentioned above "I'm well, thanks." Leave it at that or ask her how she is. I understand the whole NC thing to a certain extent, but some of you take it way too far. If you actually love someone, then you should be fighting for it to a certain extent. My ex hurt me pretty badly. I'm getting over it and have not made any significant attempt to contact her, and I probably won't for a while. If I heard from her, there's no doubt in my mind that I would respond because at the end of the day, I've loved this girl for 5 years, and will continue to love her.
Author Rearden Metal Posted March 8, 2010 Author Posted March 8, 2010 Thanks all for responding. Now, could you all form a uniform opinion??? Just got back from IC, I was in an exceedingly good mood and it went well. Therapist seems to think that if I respond, I do it with truth and self respect, and not to bullsh*t in any way. I'm still thinking about what, if anything, I'll say.
nobmagnet Posted March 8, 2010 Posted March 8, 2010 random, I respect your comment. Yes there are folks on here that take it to the extream which is why i read up before commenting an oppinion (and only an oppinion i may add!) She ended it. She was with another guy. He does need time to heal IMO (only oppinion) (covering azz) Nobby x:confused:
Author Rearden Metal Posted March 8, 2010 Author Posted March 8, 2010 Uhhh no there's no other guy that I'm aware of. I asked if she was talking to anyone and she said "maybe". To me, that was enough to end the post break up friend phase, but in no way indicated there actually was another man. There very well may be, but I'm unaware of it if it's the case.
nobmagnet Posted March 8, 2010 Posted March 8, 2010 Uhhh no there's no other guy that I'm aware of. I asked if she was talking to anyone and she said "maybe". To me, that was enough to end the post break up friend phase, but in no way indicated there actually was another man. There very well may be, but I'm unaware of it if it's the case. Soz bud. Im an old fart on here and your kinda break up indicates they have some-one in the wings or a cross over. Wrong of me to assume as much. At the end of the day itsyour choice. if you will feel better resonding then do. Just do it for you...........not for her feelings. nobby xxxxxx
Author Rearden Metal Posted March 8, 2010 Author Posted March 8, 2010 Thanks dude! LOL I think she has been talking to people but I get the solid impression that it was our own conflicts that led to our break-up, and not another man. I decided to reply, and sent "I'm doing well Thanks for asking" I'm just going to allow her to approach me and talk about things if she wants. I can be pretty difficult at times to approach so I prefer to be accepting and listen. I will not, however, initiate any conversation, and will not engage in lengthy small talk. She has an opportunity to communicate now, let's see if she uses it.
Tinkerbelll Posted March 8, 2010 Posted March 8, 2010 NO CONTACT dude! It would need a lot more than a crappy text to reopen a conversation in my view. Hey guys- RM's coping log- http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t223080/ Yesterday- http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t223889/ So yesterday after a crappy weekend, I go to bed early. Wake up around midnight to check my phone out of habit, and this time there's a message floating across the screen from my ex. "Hope you're doing well." Now clearly, I have no idea what to do with this. Typically she opens a text conversation with even less than this, something like "hi", so this constitutes an effort on her part, LOL. I'm not sure if or how to respond. Was thinking later today or tomorrow responding 'I'm well, thanks for asking" and then letting her explain the reason for contact. Or should I just remain silent and allow her to get to an explanation on her own?
Author Rearden Metal Posted March 8, 2010 Author Posted March 8, 2010 NO CONTACT dude! It would need a lot more than a crappy text to reopen a conversation in my view. I'm feeling pretty strong today, LOL. She's not going to get far with bull**** so I feel safe in my reply.
nobmagnet Posted March 8, 2010 Posted March 8, 2010 NO CONTACT dude! It would need a lot more than a crappy text to reopen a conversation in my view. ohhhhhh dont mess with tinkerbell!!!! Nobby xx
Author Rearden Metal Posted March 8, 2010 Author Posted March 8, 2010 Hahaha so I just got a reply... wait for it...wait... "K" Yeah, so that was it. I won't be replying to THAT one. I'm pretty sure it wasn't the reply she was expecting, and certainly didn't expect me to wait a whole day to reply. But now I'm making assumptions, which I'm just not going to do. If she wants to talk, she'll let me know.
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