12ape Posted March 8, 2010 Posted March 8, 2010 Hello, I have been in a 6 month relationship with a Girl. We are both 20, recently I have noticed a sudden change in our relationship. Things became more intense - due to my depression and anxeity, as I kept thinking that she was talking to men behind my back. But this wasn't the case. I have noticed that most times we go out - I end up getting jealous for the things she does and the attraction she recives. She is a Nice/Chatty/Flirty girl, however I am more reserved and to myself. Therefore my moods change. She noticed me to be the "clingy" type of guy so I tried to take this onboard - but never sank in? Last Tuesday she wanted a "break" for us, so we sat down for coffee and discussed what was going on. So I agreed, and walked her back to the bus stop - had a kiss and a cuddle and before I went to bed she text me saying " she wanted to spend the rest of her life with me". - I didn't take this rationally. As I knew something was wrong... However, it was a nice thought. Time went past, and on the Friday she text me saying she wanted to meet up - considering I was around the corner I agreed to meet her. Right, so we met up and she told me she was told by her mum that her nan was put into hospital due to her angina. So I held her hand, comforted her and said that I would be there for her and whatever she needs. I am suppose to be going up to her parents later this weekend to stay. She said she wanted to go on her own - I said to her that I understood her needs to go alone to her parents. 5 Minutes later after having a smoke and talking about the issue, she looks up at me and says that she needs to pro-long her break. This is where a major red siren blew in my face - I jumped to conclusions (I know I shouldn't) that this was some sort of breakup - maybe it is? She mentioned that she couldn't be in a relationship with me because she has been uphappy for around a month? and she doesn't know what she wants anymore. She says she is "IN" love with me, she misses me, cares for me. I explained that if this was a breakup, that I don't think I could easily see her again due to my pain would be unbelievable. I left, went home, went to sleep - didn't see her for 2 days. We met up yesterday in a park - where we met, started talking about stuff. We both asked questions about what is going on, and how much she is hurt as much as I am? After about an hour of talking and being upset we came to a conclusion that we still love eachother, care, and strongly miss eachother when we are away for too long. We kissed. However, she says that she doesn't know if she wants a relationship with me anymore, but doesn't want to lose me as a person. She said that trust and faith had been lost. But we still want to be with eachother, as we have come a long way. She said to me there is no one else (And I believe her for this as she has been honest all the way though out relationship) - She doesn't see anyone in that way - that she doesn't want to start seeing new people. Though she says the opposite for me, that if I want to start seeing new people I could - but I said that I don't see anyone else apart from her. So we are friends? But closer? I don't know? I feel more easier...? She still wants to come round my house, go round hers and go out with each other and friends? I think we want to re-build the trust and faith between us, but im not sure how? I'm scared it will stay in the friendship "band" for good, I strongly don't want this to happen. I'm hooked on this girl, I love her, she loves me. What can I do? Thanks for the time to read this,
sativo Posted March 8, 2010 Posted March 8, 2010 (edited) The best trick I've found to avoid being jealous is to quit dating chicks that make me jealous. I've found that good, well intentioned, loyal women send clear signals to the rest of the world that they are unavailable. If your girl sends out ambiguous signals, there's no wonder why you're jealous. So when you say she's "flirty", is she friendly or is she looking for and getting attention from men in a way that would give any reasonable boyfriend cause for concern? If it's the latter, perhaps you're being too hard on yourself. Maybe she's giving you reason to be paranoid. If that's true, then maybe it's not too far fetched that she is secretly filling her time away from you with the affections of some other dude. It's not unheard of, ya know? Edited March 8, 2010 by sativo
ADF Posted March 8, 2010 Posted March 8, 2010 What you need to do is get as far away from this woman as possible. Seriously. She is sending you horribly mixed messages, which is causing you a great deal of anxiety. Whether or not she means to, she is being very cruel. Here is a good rule thumb: any time someone asks for a "break," the relationship is over. Period. End of story. It sounds to me like this woman wants to break up, but is too weak-willed, ambivelant, and cowardly to do so. Do it for her. And do not--DO NOT--be her friend. You'll just torture yourself. Make it clear that if she doesn't want to as a man, she loses you altogether.
saraxlindsay Posted March 8, 2010 Posted March 8, 2010 I have been going through a similar situation with my ex. We broke up nearly 2 weeks ago. it wasn't a bad break up or anything. we both agreed to stay friends. (Hardest thing ever, when you still love someone) We don't talk as much as we used to, but the other night we were talking and he told me he still loved me, still cared for me and thought I was the most amazing, beautiful girl he knows. This of course put thoughts into my head "Does he want me back?" "Should I tell him exactly how I feel?" we haven't talked since that night (nearly 5 days) but i still have those thoughts going through my head. I still love him, more then anything or anyone. He was my first real love. I think though that the best thing to do is come straight out and ask her if she wants to be with you or not, because if she doesn't then you can start the healing process and start moving on, but if she does still want to be with you then you need to tell her that she can't keep playing these back and forth games because it is not fair to you. Good luck!
Lucy_b Posted March 17, 2010 Posted March 17, 2010 (edited) .......... Edited March 17, 2010 by Lucy_b
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