Eyeofthoth Posted March 8, 2010 Posted March 8, 2010 Okay I know there must be threads here about taking a temporary break as opposed to permanently ending something, but I am too exhausted to go hunting for that. I think that is where we are at the moment after the big fight this weekend. So does anyone have any insight into how that works and what a good way to go about it might be? Can a month or two apart actually lead to things being better down the road, or is this just a break-up in disguise?
Bleed Internal Posted March 8, 2010 Posted March 8, 2010 someone (or both of you) will have sex with someone else and eff things up for when you get back together. figure out what you want to do now. seriously.
sativo Posted March 8, 2010 Posted March 8, 2010 Are you threatening the break as an ultimatum? Otherwise, I'm not sure I understand the need for temp. time apart.
ADF Posted March 8, 2010 Posted March 8, 2010 It's just a break-up in disguise. Any time someone asks for a "break," the relationship is over. Period, end of story. And often--not always--the person who asks for a break from you has a pretty good idea who they're going to spend their break time with, if you follow me.
DustySaltus Posted March 8, 2010 Posted March 8, 2010 I would equate it to someone stabbing the relationship with a plastic butterknife 1500 times rather than just chopping its head off right away. They are just phasing things out very slowly. Anyone that wants to take a BREAK with you realizes that there could be an opportunity for you to meet someone else. Someone who really cared about you would NEVER put you in that position to begin with. What was the fight about? Even if there was to be a second chance the problems that led to the breakup and the issues in the relationship need to be fixed before it can be successful.
Author Eyeofthoth Posted March 8, 2010 Author Posted March 8, 2010 Thanks for the replies. I am not threatening the break. He is. He got really upset over some issues with my kids, and he is having issues of his own, especially with unemployment. He has a job this week and says he just wants to work and that I should be thinking about whether or not this relationship is really good for either of us. There is no formal break declared as of yet, but he has not called me at all for two days when he usually calls me multiple times a day. I called him and got the "think about it" speech. I don't think he is in any shape to be starting something new with someone else, but I know if we spend time apart that there is no guarantee he would stay faithful. Also his birthday is Thursday and I know he is down about it. I don't know what to do about that either.
Author Eyeofthoth Posted March 8, 2010 Author Posted March 8, 2010 Dusty you are right. He has actually told me that he thinks maybe we should break up so that I can meet someone better. He is not perfect, but I am okay with that. I don't really think "better" is out there. As far as resolving problems, he needs to get steady employment, which I am sure will happen eventually, but it has been a real drain. As far as the kids, those problems are not really resolvable until they move out of my house. Things can get better, but the kids will still be there. If he had a job, we could get away for a weekend once in awhile, and that would help.
sativo Posted March 8, 2010 Posted March 8, 2010 Well, if you feel like your history together has been sincere up to this point, I would say a good talk is in order. I'm sure you've had one (or more) already. If not, I'd try to discuss the fact that meaningful, LTR are built on the thin times, as well as the thick. And that you want to support him in his time of need. I personally understand the need to be alone when I'm down. This may be hard for some girls to understand, but when a guy is puking, he doesn't want someone in there with him holding his hair, lol! So maybe that should be the topic of conversation. What can you do to support him, short of taking a break? Can you give him his space without being removed from him? Maybe you can just self impose some of that behavior yourself. Don't trouble him with your problems. Don't question his actions (i.e. why didn't you call today). Surprise him by making dinner and bringing it to his house. Buy him (or give him) a massage. Get a him a card that lets him know "this too shall pass" and that you're here for him. I'm sure you know what to do.. I'm just throwing some ideas out there.
Author Eyeofthoth Posted March 8, 2010 Author Posted March 8, 2010 Thanks Sativo -- I have given him a lot of support financially. He has deserved it, as he has done tons of things around my house for me, but I know he feels terrible that he has not been able to pay me back, take me out, basically be "the man." He has really pursued me in the past, so the not calling (and turning his phone off) is really different. I do think though that it is probably more him feeling bad about where he is at in his life than about him not caring about me anymore. Thanks
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