When emotions beat logic (I'm going crazy!!)

[OOReeee]

Hello Dear friends.

 

I have been an active reader of this forum since my gf dumped me (about 4 weeks ago) and today I decided that instead of reading threads and relaying them to my personal story, I might just share mine and hope for good answers from objective people whom I never met or talked to.

 

My story begins 4 months ago. A new girl came to my life, I helped her with getting a leadership position in the university both of us attend, and we started talking more frequently and going to grab coffee or just hang out relatively quickly. She was a girl of a type I never dated; a very girly, all-american girl who lives by cosmo, sex and the city and Lady Gaga. I was never attracted to those types of girls, yet there was something about her that captivated me. I found her so sweet and fun to be around, that the fact that we don't have that much in common didn't throw me off. Also, the fact that a good friend of mine who knows her pretty well said that us being together is not a good idea, but she will support is as good friends do.

 

A few months before, she ended a highly dysfunctional relationship that lasted for a year whereas I was involved in a no-strings attached relationship.

 

Our honeymoon phase was fantastic. I treated her with royalty and she loved every second of it. I thought to myself that although we are not the perfect match, I enjoy getting to know her and spending time with her. We would talk all day, every day and she kept saying how amazing I am and how good I make her feel, like she has never felt before. Deep in my heart, I wished we shared more or connect better but nevertheless I was content with what I have.

 

Until one night, where she was acting extremely childish in a party and for the first time made me doubt us being together. I am five years older than her and it definitely showed at times. For the following days, both of us were acting odd, as if something was missing. I kept thinking about her faults but again, felt like I like her so much that it's ok. In addition, she began getting treated for anxiety medication, and that made her a little off.

 

A few days after, she said we need to talk, and so I met her in our spot, coming with an agenda of acknowledging that both of us are having personal issues (I was feeling down and she didn't bother asking me how I am), but working together as a couple. She said that she feels like we are not communicating and that we should break up. I was shocked and devastated. I told her that we should perhaps take a few days off to arrange our emotions. During those days, I felt terrible, I kept trying to contact her and all I got was scattered replies. 2 days after, she said its time to end it. I accepted that, but told her that relationship is not just honeymoon, that a bf needs to be there for his gf during good times and bad. She said that she doesn't want to drag me down with her in the bad time she is having, she wants what's best for both of us. She also said I was the first bf who she was ever intimidated by. She felt like I was judging her and because i am older and more mature that made her feel more insecure that she usually is. In addition, she was threatened by the fact that I am a very outgoing person and have many ladyfriends. I told her that it's ridiculous to say that because she knew that I like her. We ended the conversation and officially broke up. The next few days she kept telling me she had dreams about me. I told her to stop texting me.

 

I was getting worse. I found out that she hooked up with someone the next day and they have been hooking up since. That person is a friend of hers whom she kept saying how terrible he is and how much of a "man whore" he is. Now they are "together" though not in a relationship.

 

It's been a rough few weeks, I have been feeling miserable and I tried NC and that lasted for a good week, until she kept asking me why I don't talk to her until I finally called her and said that she was not honest with me throughout the time and that I feel like the time together was a waist. She said she just couldn't handle a relationship and that I deserve someone better than her. I mistakingly confronted her about the other guy, she said they are not together as a couple but didn't deny being with him.

 

Everyone else said that I deserve better. I know that. I know that she is childish, immature and the fact that we have nothing in common and that she just went and started being with someone right after we broke up. I was even approached by a girl but I told her that I cannot

 

I know all that, and still can't get her out of my head. I miss our moments together, I miss having that someone with me, I miss her. I don't even know if I want to be back with her but still, wherever I go, she is there. I stopped the NC because I felt like a kid ignoring her, but now we text and it's not any better.

 

I'm getting crazy. I'm depressed and I don't know what to do anymore.

 

Help me.

 

Thanks.

Edited March 8, 2010 by OOReeee

[Eyeofthoth]

You know yourself that your emotions are overcoming your logic. I feel for you as I am somewhat in the same boat myself right now. My first inclination was to tell you that this was only a four month relationship, which in the overall scheme of things is nothing, so just get over it. But then I remembered that once I had a two month relationship that really raked me over the coals, so time invested is not necessarily the issue.

 

These are your words:

 

 

"I know that she is childish, immature and the fact that we have nothing in common and that she just went and started being with someone right after we broke up."

 

NC takes time, sometimes months. You can tell her that the NC is for you, because you really cared for her and now you need to get your balance back. There is nothing childish about you needing to do that. It is mature, and it is you taking care of yourself. If she doesn't understand that then she is even more immature than you think she is.

[nobmagnet]

Oh I feel for you.

(hugs)

 

Now NOBBY says " she really wasnt all that or she wouldnt have copped of with another chap next day"

 

I dont feel NC is in any shape or form childish. Its mostly a requirement for the dumpee to have time to heal. It helps no end and maybe you should explain that to her. She dumped you and still expects you to be pally with her????? NO. She is the immature one with little or no regard for your feeling of hurt she deserves no attention from you or she will go through life hurting others with no empathy.

 

Be strong my freind.

 

Nobby xx

[OOReeee]

Thanks guys,

 

What I forgot to add is that we work in the same place, and our shift overlap for about 10-15 minutes and in addition she sometimes needs my assistance in different office issues.

I realized that playing the NC ignoring game will be extremely difficult and when we talked a little over the weekend I found myself missing her (even though I still don't know why).

I realized that perhaps I should have limited contact: Not initiate conversation and politely reply with a "yes" or a "no" to her requests.

Today she asked me if I was going to be at the office and I replied "ya"

She said perfect and that she needs my help with tracking something and I replied "ok," to which she replied "don't get too excited ;)"

When I saw her at the office she was already helped and I just said hello back to her when she left.

Not getting her out of my head is killing me, I just have to it is completely controlling my life.

 

What are your thoughts?

[Drummergirl_23]

She's playing with you. She sleeps with another guy, then asks you why you aren't talking to her?? Uh, hello! Did she think you guys were gonna be best friends after that?? NO contact. If its work related, only help her if no one else can. In the future, NEVER date a co-worker and this situation is a perfect example of why not to. I don't know why dumpers feel the need to poor salt in the wound by insisting on contact when they know they don't want to be with the other person. We don't want to "chat" with them about the weather!!!

[OOReeee]

Another thing that I didn't mention is that while we were texting over the weekend (on the mistakenly break of the NC that I did after she asked me about giving her a cold shoulder), I mentioned that I am planning on moving to the East Coast (I'm in the West Coast) when I graduate, to which she replied "wait what? seriously??" and I replied "yes," and she said: "Well good thing we broke it off, it would have broken my heart."

 

 

I really didn't know what to say to that and I felt like I had to reply, so I said "you know me, always following my dreams."

I was extremely troubled by that text message, it seems like she knows exactly how to push my buttons (while screqing someone else).

 

Ugh.

Edited March 9, 2010 by OOReeee

[monkeymaid]

......bitch!

[OOReeee]

But why won't she leave my head?

Why do I think about her all the time if she is not worth it?

Why I feel like there is a 5-ton anvil on my heart?

And why is it so much harder for me than for her???

[Drummergirl_23]

But why won't she leave my head?

Why do I think about her all the time if she is not worth it?

Why I feel like there is a 5-ton anvil on my heart?

And why is it so much harder for me than for her???

 

Well, I'd imagine because you truly care for this girl. I think alot of those feelings have to do with crushed ego. She rejected you and that hurts. Trust me, I'm in the same boat, have the same anvil posted up onto of my heart. You have to give your heart time to heal properly and talking to her is NOT going to help. It doesn't matter if she thinks you are ignoring her. Let her think that! She deserves to be ignored by you, she certainly doesn't deserve your time. And as for why its harder for you than for her... I'm sorry to say that just because we love someone with all of our hearts doesn't mean that it will always be reciprocated the way we want. Sometimes its reciprocated at first and then something happens. In any case, why would you want to be with someone who doesn't feel the same way about you as you do about them?? It will hurt for awhile but give it time. The last break up I went through (not the current one for those keeping up with that saga) I got dumped. And after a couple months of crying, losing sleep and weight, you know what happened? I woke up one morning and it didn't hurt anymore. The disappointment was still there. I was still sad but it wasn't that piercing pain that reverberates throughout your entire body. No more crying, I was just more sorta numb. And that's an ok place to start!

[rand0m]

Not to sound like a complete douche or anything, and not to try to pry into your life, but if you want opinions, I'll give mine. I think that you can't get her out of your head because you feel lonely, rejected, and a little used.

 

From your original post, it seems like you're attracted to the girl and excited that she's not your "usual" type. Everything else sounds like reasons why you shouldn't/don't want to be with her. I don't think you miss her, I think you miss the moments of that excitement and companionship. You miss having someone there.

 

We, as a collective, always get caught up in what was, and how good the good times were, yet we neglect all the negatives. It's the opposite for the dumper; the dumper focuses on all the negative aspects and ignores a lot that was good.

 

If I were you, I'd make every attempt to get back on the horse and move on.

Again, this is just one man's voice.

[OOReeee]

Yeah it makes sense

I had to help her with work again today.

The guy she is hooking up with works with us too (they work on the same project) and he didn't know how to fix the problem so she came to me and I fixed it.

We didn't talk at all except me explaining them what to do, so I guess that was ok on my part, though it was really difficult and I tried really hard not to look her in the eye and maintain a very friendly relationship with everyone else in the office.

I wish all those days would pass already and I will figure out how much of an idiot I am right now.

[OOReeee]

...and she just texted me "Sooo are we back to not talking like children again?"

I can't take it anymore. I had to reply because I was so mad so I just texted "what are you talking about?" because if you read my previous post I did talk to her about work and thats it.

She still hasn't responded.

 

This is too much it's eating my brain.

Edited March 10, 2010 by OOReeee

[OOReeee]

...and still haven't replied.

[tlegend]

From what I gather, for NC to work, you need to not break down and text her again.

 

Stand tall.

[rand0m]

I'm going to assume you're in your.. early 20's?

 

If so, I have two words for you: "f*ck it".

Recent current events in my life have lead me to a place where, as much as I miss my ex, love her, care about her, wish this bull**** never happened, it's just not worth driving myself insane about.

 

So, f*ck it. Surprisingly, it's almost just that simple. Live your life day by day. Don't stay stuck in the past, and don't worry about the future. This girl is playing games with you and you can handle them as you please. That's all life is.. one big game. Don't be the one losing. They always come back to a certain extent.. the funniest part, they usually come back when your feelings have changed.. it's like they can sense that ****.

I'm not saying be an *******, or cut her off, or any of that. But stop WORRYING. F*ck the hardcore no contact rubbish, but don't do things or put yourself in a position where you'll feel hurt. Just breathe, eat, sleep, work, workout, chill, be confident and sefl-assertive. Think of it as a time to gain your manhood back. To some extent, every woman who has the power to make our knees weak, has taken our manhood, placed it in a jar, and put it on the highest shelf. Go find a ladder.

[name witheld]

She has just found somebody that she is attracted to more than you, thats all.

 

With women it has less to do with love and more to do with attraction.

So don't take it personally its just life.

 

The best thing you can do is just decide what behaviour you are not willing to accept and thats it, don't accept it.

Your life, your rules, nobody else lives it but you.

 

That is attractive and will draw in somebody better.

[sedgwick]

Think about it: would you really, truly want to spend the rest of your life with an airhead who has no taste in either television or music? She sounds very, VERY young and immature. Try imagining yourself with a woman who is your intellectual equal, someone your friends will think is good for you and enjoy being around. This is just an injury to your ego; you were already doubting that you should be with her.

 

Immature, high-maintenance girly-girls abound on college campuses. If that's really and truly what you want, you can go out tonight and find another one. It truly sounds like you were too good for this girl, like you have an emotional depth she simply doesn't possess. There's definitely someone better out there!

[OOReeee]

Thanks for all your help, it is extremely valuable.

This forum has been keeping me sane.

Again, I very much acknowledge all of that and actually been doing better with every day.

I will again have to work with her tomorrow and I hope it'll go okay.

I just don't have the power in me to start dealing with her, but being the bigger person, I'll work it out.

[cmoney]

Truthfully, in my humble opinion, you do not owe her anything. I love that "so are we not talking again like children" BS. Being childish would be bad mouthing her to co-workers, crank calling her, etc. To decide to keep your relationship PROFESSIONAL is very mature. Being "friends" with you either validates her or lessens her guilt over the break-up. Either way, those are HER issues, not yours!

[bluestraps]

Its not worth saving . Your relationship is not very long . just find someone else. There are people on here who have been through years with one person thoes have shared years of memories and good caring. She doesnt like you . And shes already made your life hell. I have been through years of this kind of crap . just move on .

[ingridh]

I couldn't help but smile a little while reading your post. You tell it like it is, I wish I had that attitude where I just said F-it & move on! lol

 

Same here.

 

Printing this thread to carry in my handbag at all times (with caliguy's Guide to NC) so I can read the helpful and encouraging advice/comments whenever I feel weak and down.