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15 Months since break up...got a text 10 minutes ago

screwedup&regretful

By screwedup&regretful
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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screwedup&regretful Member

screwedup&regretful

Posted
Posted

My story from a year + ago is here:

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t176877/

 

I tried to get her to speak to me for a few weeks, then tried to call her a few times over the next six months, each time, I was met with more and more resistance and even threats of police (which was WAY crazy).

 

The last time I tried to call was 7 months ago and it was just to say "Hey"...she never responded.

 

Just 10 minutes ago, I got a text that says "Thinking about you"...

 

I'm seeing someone, but it's new and still relatively casual, and I know that she has seen a number of someone's since we split up.

 

She was "The One" or so I had believed....any advice on what to do? We didn't break up because things had petered out....I broke up with HER and regretted it every second for months afterwards. Should I respond? How?

monkeymaid Established Member

monkeymaid

Posted
Posted (edited)

your on over load. ...what do you want from her? you just got an emotional spike becasue of a whats up text from an ex from 15 months ago, and you are already confused about it. ...sounds like you arent healed yet imho

Edited by monkeymaid
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screwedup&regretful Member

screwedup&regretful

Posted
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Posted

...not to be rude or anything, but you've stated the obvious. Of course I'm not OVER it and of course I'm experiencing emotion as a result of this text...but, I'm here looking for suggestions on a good course of action not for a diagnosis of what I'm feeling.

 

I don't really know what I want and if I ever would consider being with her again. Part of me says absolutely, the other part remembers very well the hell I went through for months and months afterwards and even though much of it was "self inflicted" her response to me was incredibly difficult to navigate through....toughest stretch of my life without a doubt.

 

So..without having made up my mind about what I want out of US for the future, I would certainly like to have her back in my life as we were friends for 15 years before we were a couple.

 

Does anyone have thoughts?

sativo Member

sativo

Posted
Posted

I think the point is.. what have you been doing this entire time that you're still so raw? Not to marginalize her being "the one" or anything, but if it got that bad where she was threatening to call the cops, then maybe it was time for you to begin to face the fact the the feelings aren't mutual.

 

If that's true, your job to heal is to distract yourself from thinking about her, etc. After 7 (or more) months of no contact, I find it hard to imagine you're still so raw if you were really trying to move on.

 

Were you, or were you still spending your days dreaming about her?

 

Also, if you're not that into the girl you're with now, have you considered dating others just to get more exposure into your system? Getting attention from women always helps ease the pain of losing one.

EvergreenD Member

EvergreenD

Posted
Posted

Im gonna go against what everyone else is saying. Just go for it man. if you still feel that way about her just hit her up see what she has to say. If it doesnt work out this time then you know in your heart and mine that it wasnt meant to be. Id rather have that feeling then, "Damn I shoulda talked to her that one time. I wonder what could have been".

 

Just go for it. See what its about. Maybe it will be a blessing. Who knows.

paleblue Established Member

paleblue

Posted
Posted

you really just want your friendship back. you miss your friend. so just be friends with her. obviously dating didn't work out, but the friendship did. stick with that. hopefully you wont allow yourself to become too confused over it if she tries more. you will have to set some boundaries if you are capable of doing that.

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screwedup&regretful Member

screwedup&regretful

Posted
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Posted

Well....I texted back....just something lukewarm..."surprised to hear from you, didn't think you wanted to be in touch, hope you are well".....got a phone call today (the morning after) and she said she'd drunk texted me and doesn't want to be in touch after all. She said she'd say hi if she saw me around town, but that's it....the thing is, I wasn't expecting anything to come of it....was just wondering what the hell the text meant to begin with.

 

In any event, to some of your comments, the person I'm dating is great, but we've only been dating for 6 weeks or so. I haven't spent the last several months pining after the ex, but yeah, I do think about her from time to time. I was just surprised that, after all of her insistence on not seeing or speaking to me that SHE initiated contact.

 

Drunk text or not, she's still obviously thinking about me and that seems to go against everything she has said and done in the past year. Oh well....I'm cool with going with things the way they are for me.

 

This apparently isn't one of those reunion situations, so for those of you who are NC and waiting for that reunion, just know that the person you are supposed to be with is out there and that, when all is said and done, you'll be happier with the person you end up with, whether that's your ex or someone new. Hang in there....I did and I'm much better off b/c of it.

monkeymaid Established Member

monkeymaid

Posted
Posted

i guarentee no response would have gotten a significantly more dramatic response on her part in the following days... meh keep looking forward. i think u have the right attitude

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