Moony Posted January 9, 2004 Posted January 9, 2004 Kind of a similar situation, I hate the ring, the proposal was just ok, not really romantic. This is the first time a guy has asked the question, and I guess I hoped for more. we have been to gether for awhile, and I thought he would have known me better. But the worst part is that he had his mom try on the rings, and he said a full karat look gaudy. His mom wears 5 rings on each finger, of course it looked gaudy!! and besides my hand is not his moms hand. I am a unique person perhaps with high standards, but I strongly feel that "the ring" should reflect that uniqueness. I want to talk to him about it before the 30 day return is up. but I don't want him to be discouraged and think that it's not good enough or worse, he's not good enough. But as a little girl I set certian standards for the one person I would spend the rest of my life with, and over the years I have lowered those standards. i don't want to settle for this. I have my great grandmothers ring, an heirloom, that we have talked about resetting the stone, with the one he gave me. but he thinks it's too busy. and then I feel like a brat.help!
brashgal Posted January 9, 2004 Posted January 9, 2004 Pretty opinionated for a guy who isn't going to be wearing it. Does he dictate what you wear also? Almost sounds like a control issue.
jenny Posted January 9, 2004 Posted January 9, 2004 how much does the ring you want cost? are you paying for part of it?
Errol Posted January 9, 2004 Posted January 9, 2004 If you cannot discuss this and reach a compromise that you are both happy with, then you have more problems in the relationship then the ring. Unless he wants you to wear a family heirloom from his side of the family, the choice of ring style is up to you--you are the one wearing it. The cost is decided by both of you. If you open up communication with him and are honest about your feelings and the reasons why you want to choose your own ring and honestly listen to his reasons for choosing the ring he did and discuss this, and he does get defensive and whiny and gets his feelings hurt then you need to seriously discuss your relationship and maybe even get some couples counseling -- he or you may not be ready for marriage yet.
cdn Posted January 9, 2004 Posted January 9, 2004 I dunno. I *so* don't hear any love in your post. Do you really want to marry this guy? Ok, moving on to your problem: You need to tell him - gently and lovingly - that your grandmother's ring has great sentimental value to you and that you would like it if you could put the money he spent on the ring he got you having your gm's stone reset. Errol is right: if you can't have this conversation and agree on an outcome, then something much more than the ring is wrong.
Arabess Posted January 10, 2004 Posted January 10, 2004 Originally posted by Moony But as a little girl I set certian standards for the one person I would spend the rest of my life with, and over the years I have lowered those standards. i don't want to settle for this. I can't imagine having a 'ring' standard.
Author Moony Posted January 10, 2004 Author Posted January 10, 2004 Jenny: I don't know what ring I want, you see leave it to Arabess to miss the point completely, I do not have a standard for a ring. I've never gone shopping for a ring like this before. He just has horrible taste in jewelry, (you should see what he's given me over the years), And my taste/ style is quite different. This ring was in a display case in the mall and as soon as he walked out with it, they put another one identical in it's spot. how original does that make me feel? Errol and CDN: I think you two are right on. If he screwed up something this importiant I should not marry him. when he was hinting (sorta asking) what I like, I told him what not to do (ie- go to the mall and shop for a ring) I said to him if he was serious about something like that I'd rather go with him so we got a good deal. I would have been happier with a bubble gum ring. so it's not how much he spent it's how he chose to spend it. The point was how unique I wanted it to be, It never took a shape inside my head, cause I didn't know what it was going to be. and then I'm presented with the most dull, and bland, and simple ring I have ever seen, totaly not me. I guess after 7 years if he dosen't know me by now, forever is a long time to be presented with half-assed dissapointments. I shouldn't have put up with it for so long, my fault for lowering my standards I guess. And yes I tried to discuss it with him today, we talked for a few minutes and he left the room and called his mother. His mother said she was staying out of it. thank god. and he did't say another word to me for 6 hours.
dyermaker Posted January 10, 2004 Posted January 10, 2004 It's him that makes you unique, not the ring. What do you mean the ring should make you feel unique?? Pretty much every single girl gets a diamond when she gets engaged, it's hardly a unique gesture. Errol wasn't (I don't think) saying you shouldn't marry the guy because of the ring. What he's saying, and I agree with him, is that if an "ugly" ring is enough to make you not want to marry him, there's something *else* wrong with your relationship.
moimeme Posted January 10, 2004 Posted January 10, 2004 The issues here could be that he doesn't listen to her, doesn't honour her wishes, and does what he wants regardless of what they agree on. I don't think the ring is the problem. It appears to be a question of how much this fellow is able to work with his own future bride to get something. If I'm right, and if this is the way he operates in many other instances, then you are right to question whether you should marry him. It is no fun at all to live with someone who continually (and I mean all the time) ignores your wishes and goes ahead to do exactly what he wants with no concept of you working as a team. If, however, it's just that he's a total bonehead when it comes to giving gifts but is in other, more important ways, a great guy then you are making too much of it. The person to whom I was married was not very good at picking out good gifts for me, but he was a very good partner in terms of working as a team and he and I worked out every detail of buying my ring.
Author Moony Posted January 11, 2004 Author Posted January 11, 2004 [ The person to whom I was married ] did it not work out?
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