One Night Stand

[Ramon]

When my wife and I married 10 years ago, she told me that

there will be mistakes and missteps along the way. She often

goes on holidays on her own and I've reason to believe she's

been with two other men. It's not been discussed.

 

In all areas other than sex -- doesn't exist -- we have a great relationship.

 

My quandry has to do with the fact that I recently spent

the night with a total stranger. I don't even know her name. (She was leaving town that morning and knew tmy situation.) I was drunk and, I believe, seduced. We enjoyed each other but did not make love.

 

I honestly don't know how I got there or why.

 

I really wish it hadn't happened.

 

Still, my heart is thrown crossways about it all.

 

I didn't -- do not -- desire her nor any other person.

 

I want to believe that it occurred as a result of extreme anxiety, fear, etc.

 

Should I tell my wife?

[Ms. Red]

No way. Since she hasn't told you about her activities with OM, she wants to keep that discussion out of the marriage.

 

If you feel strongly about telling. Make sure it's for her and not just to ease your guilty mind. That is totally the wrong reason to tell.

[bentnotbroken]

Tell her and don't drink so much you can't control your actions.

[RobM]

Admit to yourself you made a mistake and don't do it again, but don't tell her. I can't see how telling her is going to make anything better for either of you.

[JaneInVegas]

I vote for not telling her. Ever.

 

You have learned an invaluable lesson here, and I believe you really are sorry it happened. Lay off the booze, never put yourself in that situation again. None of us are perfect, we all just need to strive harder to be the most perfect person we possibly can. Do that, and don't beat yourself up over it.

 

Good luck to ya! HUGS

[Mr. Lucky]

She often goes on holidays on her own and I've reason to believe she's been with two other men. It's not been discussed.

In all areas other than sex -- doesn't exist -- we have a great relationship.

Maybe you can explain why, in a marriage where your wife has sex with other men but apparently not with you, a non-sexual one night stand is the most pressing thing on your mind? We're obviously missing some part of the story...

 

Mr. Lucky

[Ramon]

Many thanks for the kind and considerate replies here. It's been a real help.

 

I understand, too, that I may not have been as clear as I might have regarding my situation with my wife. She's NOT having sex regularly with

other men.

 

We live v hectic lives, have different careers, etc. My schedule is far more challenging than hers. So she sometimes takes vacations on her own. On one of these vacations, a friend of hers mentioned to me that something happened. I didn't say anything.

 

Then there was a wedding. Similar situation.

 

She's ten years older than I am. In our relationship, she's kind of drifted between party girl and bored at home. We have no children.

 

She's a wonderful woman and great fun. We're just a little lost. Don't know why precisely.

 

I'm still sick about the one night stand. But I do believe it's brought me back into the world in a surprising way.

 

Thanks again all for your gracious help. I really need it.

[on1wheel]

Your M is your own & you don't need to justify it here. My question is simple:

• Is a sexless M what makes you happy?

If so, then I suggest not to rock the boat. You know she has done worse, so it will probably not upset her. But what it may do is cause her to re-evaluate the whole M & whether it's really working for her???

Don't just confess without a goal. If the goal is to use it as a way to make your M better, then take the chance. Other than that, I would use it as a lesson & not repeat the mistake. We are human, we make mistakes; what separates us from animals is the ability to learn from them I think.

Good luck