spookie Posted March 8, 2010 Posted March 8, 2010 this weekend my boyfriend took me to a festival in his hometown. i got to meet his family and all his childhood friends, and we had a blast. after drinking at the festival all day, everyone ended up at a bar. the place was packed with people who had gone to his high school, and we walked around, talking to everyone. one of his friends had the hots for the hottest girl id ever seen. noticing how i was checking her out, my bf said, shes beautiful, isnt she? and that set me off. i started to cry! my bf was very confused and concerned. you aint got nothin to worry about, he kept saying as he hugged me, stroking my hair. youre with me now. the train of thought that led to my drunken sobbing was this: there are always going to be women more attractive than i am, that my partner will want, sometimes more than he wants me. how do i deal with that?
Disillusioned Posted March 8, 2010 Posted March 8, 2010 how do i deal with that? They might be pretty, but how rich or smart are they? Problem solved.
D-Lish Posted March 8, 2010 Posted March 8, 2010 Well, he shouldn't have said that- but his reaction to your reaction kind of sums up how he feels about you. Sometimes guys say stupid things. You have to find your confidence and wear it. You're beautiful too (I've seen your picture)- you just have to stop doubting yourself.
Author spookie Posted March 8, 2010 Author Posted March 8, 2010 i dont think thats the correct solution. there is always to be someone who is better at everything than you are.
FryFish Posted March 8, 2010 Posted March 8, 2010 That is true spookie... So you have two options. 1. Give up and pack it in. Why try if you cant be the best right? 2. Live your life and find things that make you happy. Your BF makes you happy right? Well make him happy in return and you can have an awesome relationship. You should count yourself as lucky that your BF is as honest and open as he is with you.
Author spookie Posted March 8, 2010 Author Posted March 8, 2010 Well, he shouldn't have said that- but his reaction to your reaction kind of sums up how he feels about you. Sometimes guys say stupid things. You have to find your confidence and wear it. You're beautiful too (I've seen your picture)- you just have to stop doubting yourself. thanks. i know he thinks im beautiful - he tells me that every day. but each time he says it, i wonder, what if i wasnt? what happens when im not?
threebyfate Posted March 8, 2010 Posted March 8, 2010 Since your b/f cheated with you, do you suppose he would cheat on you and then leave you? Is this where your sensitivity and trust issues come from?
TouchedByViolet Posted March 8, 2010 Posted March 8, 2010 So cute! how old are you spookie? Emotions can be such a powerful force especially when it comes to your SO. There will be guys who are better looking than your BF too. So if ever see Brad Pitt walk into a bar or someone of that caliber make sure to let your BF know that he is hot
TouchedByViolet Posted March 8, 2010 Posted March 8, 2010 Since your b/f cheated with you, do you suppose he would cheat on you and then leave you? Is this where your sensitivity and trust issues come from? WOW is this true? This definitely helps explain the emotional release of tears
xpaperxcutx Posted March 8, 2010 Posted March 8, 2010 Spooks, unless you're happy with yourself, you'll always be insecure. Case in point: we are all insecure with ourselves
Author spookie Posted March 8, 2010 Author Posted March 8, 2010 Since your b/f cheated with you, do you suppose he would cheat on you and then leave you? Is this where your sensitivity and trust issues come from? tbf... i was hesitant to bring this up because i didnt want everyone jumping on the hes a d-bag, leave him train, because i think its more complicated than that, but yes, i suppose this is where some of my trust issues come from. however, i have a long history of being a crazy, paranoid gf, so it wouldnt be fair to say his cheating with me is the only reason. regarding the cheating, i believe him (and everyone else who has told me) that he is not "that kind" of guy. i believe when he started pursuing me, it was not for some action on the side, but because he truly believed it was over with that girl. but there is one night that i find hard to forgive, or forget. it was the first night i met him, a couple of weeks before i would re-meet him in a sober state and start to like him, before i knew he had a gf. we were drunk and ended up fooling around, and the experience left a really bad taste in my mouth, when my friends let me know the next day that he was taken. it made me think he cant say no to pretty girls, which i sometimes still believe. but i am only the fifth girl he has been with. hes a relationship kinda guy, and a really good bf. when i have bring the cheating up with him, he says it was uncharacteristic, and that they were extremely unhappy, and he wanted to end it.
Author spookie Posted March 8, 2010 Author Posted March 8, 2010 so basically, i dont trust him, but i want to.
FryFish Posted March 8, 2010 Posted March 8, 2010 i believe when he started pursuing me, it was not for some action on the side, but because he truly believed it was over with that girl.This made me giggle. If it was over with "that girl" he should have ended it with that girl. Knowing that he cheated WITH you changes everything. You should certainly be worried. I mean, how long will he date his next chick before he shares the fact that its over with you... with you? it made me think he cant say no to pretty girls, which i sometimes still believe.Trust your gut AND your mind AND your girls in this case. hes a relationship kinda guy, and a really good bf. when i have bring the cheating up with him, he says it was uncharacteristic, and that they were extremely unhappy, and he wanted to end it.Ugh... He is going to ruin you for other guys.
threebyfate Posted March 8, 2010 Posted March 8, 2010 spookie, no matter how you look at it, he's proven himself to be a cheater. Once someone gets onto that slippery slope of cheating, it's easier to do next time, unless they've experienced trauma. Your b/f experienced none of that. He got his cake and ate it too.
Ophelia Rue Posted March 8, 2010 Posted March 8, 2010 Yep, it would have bothered me. I probably would have gone to the bathroom, cried in there, wiped my tears and come back out dry, but hey, everyone's different. Also, put yourself in my place... instead of random strangers being better looking than you are, try having both of your SISTERS look better than you. -_- Yeeeeeeep.
Author spookie Posted March 8, 2010 Author Posted March 8, 2010 spookie, no matter how you look at it, he's proven himself to be a cheater. Once someone gets onto that slippery slope of cheating, it's easier to do next time, unless they've experienced trauma. Your b/f experienced none of that. He got his cake and ate it too. tbf... what he did was wrong, but it wasnt a cake eating situation. he wasnt trying to have both of us. he ended it with her exactly when he promised, at what he perceived as the right time (after the holidays). he and his ex actually grew up together, so i spent this weekend in distinctly "team laura" territory. we spent a night with one of their mutual friends, who described himself as one of lauras best friends, but complimented my bf on his honesty in ending it with her.
ADF Posted March 8, 2010 Posted March 8, 2010 This is simple: grow the @#$% up! Of course your BF is going to find other women attractive. You're going to find other men attractive, too. But so what? The mark of your devotion is that you don't cheat on each other, not that you don't occasionally want to. Jees.
Hot Carl Posted March 8, 2010 Posted March 8, 2010 spookie, no matter how you look at it, he's proven himself to be a cheater. Once someone gets onto that slippery slope of cheating, it's easier to do next time, unless they've experienced trauma. Your b/f experienced none of that. He got his cake and ate it too. Stop second-guessing her decision to be with the guy. She's made her choice, and if you don't agree, then at least respect her decision. You're not making any points you didn't make several times before.
threebyfate Posted March 8, 2010 Posted March 8, 2010 tbf... what he did was wrong, but it wasnt a cake eating situation. he wasnt trying to have both of us. he ended it with her exactly when he promised, at what he perceived as the right time (after the holidays). he and his ex actually grew up together, so i spent this weekend in distinctly "team laura" territory. we spent a night with one of their mutual friends, who described himself as one of lauras best friends, but complimented my bf on his honesty in ending it with her.Don't feed me b/s, spookie. He hooked up with you in November and December, then left her two days after your very first date, which was still during the holiday season. You're welcome to believe anything you want about him but what I'm seeing, is a typical cake eater. If he delayed his breakup, it's because he wasn't sure and didn't want to spoil his own holiday plans with her.
txsilkysmoothe Posted March 8, 2010 Posted March 8, 2010 (edited) I don't think it was inappropriate for him to say she is beautiful. It seemed like an observation not an indication of interest in her. Your reaction seems out of place given the circumstance. Maybe you were overly emotional for some reason. I've learned to limit my alcohol intake as it adversely affects my reaction to situations. Edited March 8, 2010 by txsilkysmoothe
Ophelia Rue Posted March 8, 2010 Posted March 8, 2010 This is simple: grow the @#$% up! Of course your BF is going to find other women attractive. You're going to find other men attractive, too. But so what? The mark of your devotion is that you don't cheat on each other, not that you don't occasionally want to. Jees. OF COURSE HE IS GOING TO FIND OTHER WOMEN ATTRACTIVE! Talking about it with his friends is one thing. The point is he shouldn't have brought it up in front of her! It's disrespectful. :eye roll:
Author spookie Posted March 8, 2010 Author Posted March 8, 2010 Don't feed me b/s, spookie. He hooked up with you in November and December, then left her two days after your very first date, which was still during the holiday season. You're welcome to believe anything you want about him but what I'm seeing, is a typical cake eater. If he delayed his breakup, it's because he wasn't sure and didn't want to spoil his own holiday plans with her. i am choosing to believe, based on what he and his friends have said, that he was sure, but was waiting for the right time. im also choosing to believe that while he cheated on her with me, which was wrong, he wasnt trying to have his cake, and eat it too. can we go off that assumption? this thread is about my trust issues, obviously, but not necessarily the ones that stem from how our r started. as i mentioned, i have a long history of being a psycho gf. as far as bf's go, i actually trust this one more than any other i have had in the past, in part because he does such a good job in making me feel secure, and in part, because i understand him.
marsle85 Posted March 8, 2010 Posted March 8, 2010 I truly believe this was just a stupid comment. We all have those moments. Oversight. I don't think he intended to be rude or hurt her feelings at all.
threebyfate Posted March 8, 2010 Posted March 8, 2010 i am choosing to believe, based on what he and his friends have said, that he was sure, but was waiting for the right time. im also choosing to believe that while he cheated on her with me, which was wrong, he wasnt trying to have his cake, and eat it too. can we go off that assumption?If this is what you want to believe, there's nothing I can do to change that. But I don't agree with it and aren't going to lie about it. this thread is about my trust issues, obviously, but not necessarily the ones that stem from how our r started. as i mentioned, i have a long history of being a psycho gf. as far as bf's go, i actually trust this one more than any other i have had in the past, in part because he does such a good job in making me feel secure, and in part, because i understand him.Which is why I brought up one of the reasons why you might not trust him, which you've acknowledged as true. Straight up spookie, I'm not going to change my opinion to what you want me to. But I will back off since you're not prepared to deal with the real issues.
paleblue Posted March 8, 2010 Posted March 8, 2010 eehhhhh i dont think it was a big deal. a little stupid ya but nothing to lose sleep over. i would be concerned if you found her number on his cell phone or something like that.
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