xpaperxcutx Posted March 8, 2010 Posted March 8, 2010 but what do I need to know to differentiate a guy that wants to know me just to get into my pants from a guy who's actually genuine about wanting to get to know me? It's getting so hard nowadays ( my posts and other posters combined) to really tell since I'm getting the impression there are no more sincere men left on this planet, or perhaps just in my area? I know you guys think with your little " buddies" but whatever happened to those guys that willing to wait? I really don't want to sleep around and think " yep this is it, we're going to have a relationship". Nu- uh, after my fiascoes with my last two FWB, I don't want to think that sex is going to bag me a guy. Of course, most of you guys don't really care as you're get to satisfy yourselves right? ( sorry to be so bitter )
Hot Carl Posted March 8, 2010 Posted March 8, 2010 but what do I need to know to differentiate a guy that wants to know me just to get into my pants from a guy who's actually genuine about wanting to get to know me? Just ask them.
threebyfate Posted March 8, 2010 Posted March 8, 2010 99% of men who want to date you, also want to get into your pants. I'm leaving the 1% open for the gay man who's in denial. It's up to you to jump into the sack with a guy or not. The dine and dashers will dash, when they get impatient that you're not putting out. The guys who do want to get to know you, will enjoy the time getting to know you.
USMCHokie Posted March 8, 2010 Posted March 8, 2010 99% of men who want to date you, also want to get into your pants. I'm leaving the 1% open for the gay man who's in denial. It's up to you to jump into the sack with a guy or not. The dine and dashers will dash, when they get impatient that you're not putting out. The guys who do want to get to know you, will enjoy the time getting to know you. The bolded statement above. It'd be preposterous to think that a guy is dating you only to get to know you...all guys want sex...it's just a matter of taking the time to find the guys who just want to have sex with you and not the guys that want to have sex with anyone...
Author xpaperxcutx Posted March 8, 2010 Author Posted March 8, 2010 99% of men who want to date you, also want to get into your pants. I'm leaving the 1% open for the gay man who's in denial. It's up to you to jump into the sack with a guy or not. The dine and dashers will dash, when they get impatient that you're not putting out. The guys who do want to get to know you, will enjoy the time getting to know you. Serious? I would think the statistics would be lower than that. Eh, I feel so gullible. I seriously don't want to jump in the sack with anyone, no matter how attractive or in shape they are. I find them so generic trying to dine me just to get to " put out". That's why I go dutch. I remember the only guy that ever really tried to get to know was my ex. Despite our past he actually did something right. He waited.
Author xpaperxcutx Posted March 8, 2010 Author Posted March 8, 2010 The bolded statement above. It'd be preposterous to think that a guy is dating you only to get to know you...all guys want sex...it's just a matter of taking the time to find the guys who just want to have sex with you and not the guys that want to have sex with anyone... I am so writing that on my wall to remind me first thing in the morning when I wake up.
Disillusioned Posted March 8, 2010 Posted March 8, 2010 I'm a straight guy, and I have no use for sex. Just tell the guy what you want in a relationship. If it's "no ring, then no nookie", you have to tell him so, because he sure ain't gonna get it if you drop hints. The key is to always remember: we men are not mind readers. We don't have ESP.
USMCHokie Posted March 8, 2010 Posted March 8, 2010 I am so writing that on my wall to remind me first thing in the morning when I wake up. I wish I had a chance to edit it before another post was made to the thread...now it's bothering me...but I'm going to make the change in a new post because it's driving me nuts...moving the 'just' around...this way sounds better... "It's just a matter of taking the time to find the guys who want to have sex with JUST you and not the guys that want to have sex with anyone..."
marsle85 Posted March 8, 2010 Posted March 8, 2010 It's hard. If you hold back and wait- you're being a tease, if you go for it too early- you've rushed things and risk skewing the relationship. Ahhhh.
TouchedByViolet Posted March 8, 2010 Posted March 8, 2010 Just ask them. Best answer. Also, hold off having sex until you find a guy who is hoping for the same type of relationship your are and you will avoid a lot of heart ache.
Author xpaperxcutx Posted March 8, 2010 Author Posted March 8, 2010 It's hard. If you hold back and wait- you're being a tease, if you go for it too early- you've rushed things and risk skewing the relationship. Ahhhh. Exactly. I'm trying to refrain from rushing right now, but I always get this nagging feeling of " what if down the road they expect sex... but I don't want to have sex..."
threebyfate Posted March 8, 2010 Posted March 8, 2010 I'm trying to refrain from rushing right now, but I always get this nagging feeling of " what if down the road they expect sex... but I don't want to have sex..."This is easy to handle. Just say "no". Don't let fear of loss drive your decision to have sex or not. If someone is pressuring you and you're not ready, hold the door open so they can exit without wasting time.
marsle85 Posted March 8, 2010 Posted March 8, 2010 This is easy to handle. Just say "no". Don't let fear of loss drive your decision to have sex or not. If someone is pressuring you and you're not ready, hold the door open so they can exit without wasting time. Well said. Because even if you do relent, the issue is subliminal and will remain under the surface. The way I see it, you live with yourself 24.7.365 days a year. Your decisions should be based on you, all you, entirely you. Please, please don't let someone pressure you, because when you look in the mirror- you have to account for your decisions, and your own happiness. Be true with yourself. I find that respectable, and any good guy out there (who has your best interests at heart) will find it honorable too. Sometimes I find it best to look at the situation as if my best friend asked me to do. You're purely objective with your best friend, and lust/wanting to please the SO isn't factored in. Ask yourself what you'd say to your friends, and follow the same advice. Goodluck chica. =)
paleblue Posted March 8, 2010 Posted March 8, 2010 the waiting game can be tricky! because the way things are these days - people usually jump into the sack with each other within what? a month or two? if not sooner? the problem you run into is it can become confusing to your waiting bf if all he has ever got was nookie sooner than later. no nookie can be interpreted as no interested. i guess thats when good communication comes in handy. and if he is understanding and really is interested in you, than he will respect it. but you def have to show the interest. i know lots of guys would think i am crazy for thinking waiting a couple months is ok, but i think it is. i have waited even longer. and i dont care. and yes i have a very healthy appetite for nookie. i just happen to believe there's more to it than just hittin it. it's funny this topic came up tonight. i was having dinner tonight with a girl i have been dating. her opinion since day 1 has always been waiting makes a better relationship. she makes any guy she wants to be with wait several months. she points out the same thing marsle85 said - too early and you risk skewing it. she thinks waiting will increase the chances that the relationship will wind up lasting. instead of just a few years or less. we will see.
boogieboy Posted March 8, 2010 Posted March 8, 2010 If a guy starts using sexual flirting, or innuendo early, then he might be the one wanting to sex and run.
flc Posted March 8, 2010 Posted March 8, 2010 I don't think asking is going to help, if the guy is just out for sex he is not really showing you much respect to begin with so a large % will probably just lie. Best bet is as said, don't rush into sex and after a few dates you should be able to get a pretty good read on the person. If they bail after 3 dates within no sex then you know what they were looking for. Once you get into the 4-5 date range it becomes tougher but then you may be the point where a talk will yield some results.
TouchedByViolet Posted March 8, 2010 Posted March 8, 2010 Most women who ask this question have a broken radar when it comes to choosing guys. It is a combination of being attracted to the wrong guys and not maintaining proper boundaries when it comes to sex. When dating a guy LEARN about his personality and attitude, before you have sex. Ask him what he is looking for in a women/relationship. A meaningful conversation should tell you what you need to know. IMO, the problem has a lot to do with you and your attraction to the wrong types of guy. There are plenty of great potential boyfriends out there but a lot of girls choose the jerk.
txsilkysmoothe Posted March 8, 2010 Posted March 8, 2010 (edited) I sympathize with the OP and don't feel it is as simple as some of the responses. "Just ask them" - won't the guys who want just sex lie and some of them be very convincing liars? If you tell a man "I want a relationship," will the guy that wants just sex pretend to have the same objective in hopes of hurrying the sex? I suppose we all want to believe we can observe their behavior and find the answer. And while waiting is good, how do you make the guy understand. I think a woman should explain how she feels about sex and the appropriate timing, but will a man accept that as honesty or will he think she is playing a game? Will he think she is NOT interested if she doesn't want to have sex on his schedule? Edited March 8, 2010 by txsilkysmoothe
Els Posted March 8, 2010 Posted March 8, 2010 And while waiting is good, how do you make the guy understand. I think a woman should explain how she feels about sex and the appropriate timing, but will a man accept that as honesty or will he think she is playing a game? Will he think she is NOT interested if she doesn't want to have sex on his schedule? If he thinks so, then he is evidently not what she's looking for. I dunno, I have never had trouble with guys waiting. None have ever asked me for anything sexual before I offered it or at least made some very blatant hints that I wanted it. Maybe it's one of the few upsides of living in an Asian country.
Author xpaperxcutx Posted March 8, 2010 Author Posted March 8, 2010 I don't think asking is going to help, if the guy is just out for sex he is not really showing you much respect to begin with so a large % will probably just lie. Best bet is as said, don't rush into sex and after a few dates you should be able to get a pretty good read on the person. If they bail after 3 dates within no sex then you know what they were looking for. Once you get into the 4-5 date range it becomes tougher but then you may be the point where a talk will yield some results. I've had guys try to sugar coat the truth from me. When I become aware of the fact, I cut them off and run. The only thing is it takes at least 2-3 dates before I actually can tell they're after sex only. Most women who ask this question have a broken radar when it comes to choosing guys. It is a combination of being attracted to the wrong guys and not maintaining proper boundaries when it comes to sex. When dating a guy LEARN about his personality and attitude, before you have sex. Ask him what he is looking for in a women/relationship. A meaningful conversation should tell you what you need to know. IMO, the problem has a lot to do with you and your attraction to the wrong types of guy. There are plenty of great potential boyfriends out there but a lot of girls choose the jerk. That's why I asked. I've been having a hard time reading people lately, quite possibly due my confidence being dented. I've been assessing my reaction to guys that I find attractive. I thought about the guys I normally go for and I have noticed alot that I kept falling for the same guys over and over again. Speaking of which I recently met a guy who after the initial meeting reminded me of my ex. I realize I have more fun getting to know people initially rather than afterwards. I notice the initial attraction correlates to their mystery ( since i don't know them very well) but when they spilled all they can about their personal lives, I find them boring.
alphamale Posted March 8, 2010 Posted March 8, 2010 but what do I need to know to differentiate a guy that wants to know me just to get into my pants from a guy who's actually genuine about wanting to get to know me? the guy who is genuine won't mind waiting for sex. but you have to communicate this up front so he knows the rules
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