coffeenazi Posted March 8, 2010 Posted March 8, 2010 and just need to talk to somone. we're 17 months into it, i moved in with him after we'd been together for 8 months. i have a child from a previous relationship with me full-time, and he has occasional care of his child from his previous marriage. i'm going through some rough health issues at the moment, and i'm feeling really shaky in just about every aspect of my life. i'm probably right in that frame of mind where i'm looking for things to justify my anxiety, but i've been increasingly concerned about his developing friendship with another woman. i checked his mobile (why do we do that?!?) and found some texts he'd sent to her that made me very uncomfortable. he's a natural flirt and his attention would make anyone wonder if he was interested in them. i get the impression that this woman is certainly interested in him. i confronted him (gently, had no clue) about the texts and he was very clear in telling me that there is nothing going on. i believe him but i still feel physically sick when i think about it. we talked the other night about how i have been feeling... i'm pretty good at managing my stressors but what's going on right now has knocked me on my bum. i feel like i need something from him and that really scares me because i'm used to being independant - i'm frightened of needing or relying on him. i've never had a relationship like this before and i really don't know how i should feel. he jokes frequently about me being 'his wife', refers to his mother as my in-law etc etc, but he tells me that he doesn't think he has that 'deeper connection' with me - yet. he assures me that he wants our relationship to grow, but i feel quite annoyed when he jokes about us being married. i gave up my security to move in with him and therefore feel pretty insecure when he is dismissive of our possible furture... he's not a planner, whereas i am, and i feel like i need to know where we are going. he's just coasting along... has anyone experienced anything like this? i'm so confused - i'm the kind of person who is very comfortable taking care of herself and i feel like i'm under water, can't swim.
ADF Posted March 8, 2010 Posted March 8, 2010 The fact you checked his phone messages is a bad sign. Either you have no respect for other people's right privacy at all (very common nowadays), or you were so suspicious you snooped through his things even though you knew it was wrong. That said, here's a tip: Men almost NEVER go out of their way to befriend women unless they are attrtaced to them. Almost never. If your BF is not already cheating, he probably will be soon enough. Don't be naive. If looks/sounds/ like a duck, it's a duck.
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