karisma Posted March 8, 2010 Posted March 8, 2010 I've been dating a guy for almost 7 months. I am in a graduate school program and am busy studying often. He knew from the beginning my availability during the semester was going to be very limited- we see each other 1-2x a week, often one of those nights is a weekend and I spend the night at his house. 2 months ago his friend's girlfriend moved in with him. I was not asked for my opinion on the whole situation which made me feel somewhat disrespected. It has been a huge stressor between us- everything else is great but the roommate issue is one that has caused a lot of tension. I guess what really frustrates me is that I am busy with school a lot and I feel jealous and insecure that I can't see him more and the roommate gets to see/talk to him everyday. I think those intimate details of living with someone are really important and the sort of stuff that should be shared with me, and not with her. I realize my schedule is not his fault. But I am super unhappy with this situation and the worst part about it is that she could potentially be there for an extended period of time (1-2 years). Please, any advice/opinions are greatly needed!
ADF Posted March 8, 2010 Posted March 8, 2010 The fact this woman is dating a friend of his suggests their arrangement may indeed be innocent. You never know, but it may well be. Look, you guys need to have a serious talk. Your ability to see him no more than 1, maybe 2 times a week is serious. Lots of guys would find that extremely stressful. If he needs more attention than that, he should say so. However, you may be the one who has to initiate the conversation. Do so.
D-Lish Posted March 8, 2010 Posted March 8, 2010 Is he living with his male friend and the gf, or just the friend's gf?
New Again Posted March 8, 2010 Posted March 8, 2010 THink you're overreacting and being irrational. Your bf is living with his friend, who is now sharing a room with his g/f, right?
marsle85 Posted March 8, 2010 Posted March 8, 2010 Is the friend living there too? Or is it just your friend's gf and your bf?
Author karisma Posted March 8, 2010 Author Posted March 8, 2010 Sorry I didn't make that clear. It's just my bf and his friend's gf living together- just the 2 of them. The girl's bf (his friend) does not live there.
New Again Posted March 8, 2010 Posted March 8, 2010 Sorry I didn't make that clear. It's just my bf and his friend's gf living together- just the 2 of them. The girl's bf (his friend) does not live there. That's weird, more details, please.
marsle85 Posted March 8, 2010 Posted March 8, 2010 Yup. That's weird. I don't like it at all. I can't believe he never even brought it up to you. It's not okay and it's not normal.
Author karisma Posted March 8, 2010 Author Posted March 8, 2010 It was mentioned after about 2 months of dating that his friend's gf "might" be moving in with him. I didn't say anything at the time because it seemed too early in the relationship to really have any say over the matter. Then a couple months later he told me she moving in with him because her lease was up and she wanted to save money, because apparently her and her bf want to buy a house but he can't get approved for a loan yet. At that point we got into a big argument over it. He basically told me it had been decided and it was up to me what I was going to do about it (stay with him or leave him over it). That also made me feel totally disrespected. Obviously, I've stayed. But it's still bothering me a lot.
sagetalk Posted March 8, 2010 Posted March 8, 2010 That is really weird . Who wants their girl to stay with their best friend? That is completely bonkers. He would have to be one heck of a friend to say the least.
D-Lish Posted March 8, 2010 Posted March 8, 2010 That's weird. And his best buddy is okay with his gf staying with his best friend???
Author karisma Posted March 8, 2010 Author Posted March 8, 2010 I agree; I also think it's weird/annoying. I guess she hasn't moved in with her own bf because he has a kid and lives in his mom's basement. So she has moved in on my bf (who has a house). He's tried to convince me it's perfectly rational. And maybe it is- I guess that's why I'm seeking opinions. Apparently her bf is also fine with this arrangement. I'm not really sure who's idea it was to begin with. I appreciate all of your thoughts!
New Again Posted March 8, 2010 Posted March 8, 2010 You need to either talk with your bf more, or share more information here about the situation.
ADF Posted March 8, 2010 Posted March 8, 2010 I guess she hasn't moved in with her own bf because he has a kid and lives in his mom's basement. I'm sorry. I know this is off-topic. But how the HELL does a guy with a kid who lives in his mom's basement end up with a GF at all? Jesus H. Christ. I'll tell you, the only guys women seem to want nowadays are total jocks, total freaks, total losers (ding!ding!ding!) fabulously successful, or career criminals. I guess the rest of us are just too "boring."
Author karisma Posted March 8, 2010 Author Posted March 8, 2010 We've definitely talked about it. We had a big argument when he told me she was moving in. And then I've basically suppressed my feelings about it for the last month or so since she moved in. And then a couple nights ago he mentioned something about her which just triggered all those feelings and they just all came out again and we had a realllly long phone conversation about it. He said he didn't realize I was unhappy because I hadn't said anything about it. He said he did care more now about our relationship and if he could make that decision over again he might do things differently. He was like what do you want me to do?? And I really don't know how to handle it now... given she's already moved in. What other information would be helpful to know? I really do appreciate the advice- a lot!
sagetalk Posted March 8, 2010 Posted March 8, 2010 the only guys women seem to want nowadays are total jocks, total freaks, total losers (ding!ding!ding!) fabulously successful, or career criminals. I guess the rest of us are just too "boring." But he's like totally a great guy, ok, so stop hating on him .
marsle85 Posted March 8, 2010 Posted March 8, 2010 And...all things considered- I'd rather be with a guy who was a father... than be with a guy who (had a kid) but was not a father.
Ophelia Rue Posted March 8, 2010 Posted March 8, 2010 What a weird situation! I can't believe his FRIEND is letting his girlfriend live with him, let alone you're letting it take place! I'd tell him to make new living arrangements or I'd be out of the relationship. No kidding.
Author karisma Posted March 8, 2010 Author Posted March 8, 2010 Thanks for the input! It's a suck situation for sure. I understand his dilemma- what is he supposed to do? Kick her out? That would make for an uncomfortable situation for him, his friend, and her, and would make me look like a bitch. OTOH, I don't know if I can put up with this situation for that length of time. Any ideas on how to handle this?
boogieboy Posted March 8, 2010 Posted March 8, 2010 Thanks for the input! It's a suck situation for sure. I understand his dilemma- what is he supposed to do? Kick her out? That would make for an uncomfortable situation for him, his friend, and her, and would make me look like a bitch. OTOH, I don't know if I can put up with this situation for that length of time. Any ideas on how to handle this? The way to handle it? Tell him straight up what your thinking, which is you think she will flirt with him, and he will take the bait...since you think he will see her more than he sees you. If you think you cant keep his attention, you better see him more often, or you'll lose him! He's not kicking her out...theres nothing else you can do.
Author karisma Posted March 8, 2010 Author Posted March 8, 2010 Thank you all for the input! You've definitely given me some things to consider.
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