Author threebyfate Posted March 9, 2010 Author Posted March 9, 2010 I honestly had no clue at the time. I've learned a lot since then, however, by reading posts here in addition to a lot of relationship books.My experience was that I didn't like him after meeting him, whereby he pursued me for two years, until finally, he convinced me to give him a chance. I gave him the benefit of the doubt, started dating him and he completely bowled me over, so I fell deeply in love with him, trusting him implicitly. In hindsight, I should have listened to my original gut instincts but chose to be more open-minded. For that, I got knifed in the back. Lesson learned. This time around with my second husband, my gut, heart and brain, were in complete agreement since what he says and does, mesh. He is who he purports to be and once again, I trust him implicitly. If you asked me prior to meeting H., if I could ever trust anyone that much again, I would have suggested a psychological examination for you, if you believed I would. So the point I'm trying to make is that each of us has learned our lessons. Now trust in your judgement and much improved knowledge. Unless someone triggers you again to mistrust, in not trusting, IMO, it's impossible for love to exist, and life without love is pretty meaningless. How that connects with the opening topic, is that when you need a paternity test, this stems from distrust, whether it's individual or gender distrust or distrust of your own ability to judge.
sb129 Posted March 9, 2010 Posted March 9, 2010 When you first go to see your doctor, they ALWAYS use the date of your last menstrual period, as conception date, which of course, could easily throw out your delivery date. In an ultrasound, they measure fetal size in parts of the fetus' body, to determine the gestational age of the fetus. Ultrasounds are pretty accurate but not 100% foolproof. Agreed. Though an u/s scan is the most accurate tool we have at our disposal. If you were sleeping with two different people in the same week you probably couldn't pinpoint which exact DAY you conceived and thus narrow it down to which person it was. In my case I wasn't surprised to go a week over the estimated due date based on my knowledge that my actual conception date was later than the day of my last period. And that knowledge was also based on the fact that we only had sex once that week! Anyhoo, digression. Bayouboi- really sorry to hear about your experience. That must have been tough, and I can appreciate your stance on the subject.
Author threebyfate Posted March 9, 2010 Author Posted March 9, 2010 Agreed. Though an u/s scan is the most accurate tool we have at our disposal. If you were sleeping with two different people in the same week you probably couldn't pinpoint which exact DAY you conceived and thus narrow it down to which person it was. In my case I wasn't surprised to go a week over the estimated due date based on my knowledge that my actual conception date was later than the day of my last period. And that knowledge was also based on the fact that we only had sex once that week! Anyhoo, digression. Bayouboi- really sorry to hear about your experience. That must have been tough, and I can appreciate your stance on the subject.So that you know, I wasn't questioning how you knew, relying on your knowledge of your situation, just responding to shadow's question about how doctor's can pinpoint conception date. If anymore qualifying female members want to participate, the poll is still open!
sb129 Posted March 9, 2010 Posted March 9, 2010 Your explanation was much more succinct than mine! Hey, off topic again, but did you get that garbled PM I sent you? Just wondered whether any of it was any use to you or not?
Woggle Posted March 9, 2010 Posted March 9, 2010 So if your wife suddenly became pregnant, you would insist on a paternity test? Without hesitation.
sb129 Posted March 9, 2010 Posted March 9, 2010 Are you kidding Woggle? Such little faith you have in your wife. Its so Do you think your wife would be cool with that? I highly highly doubt it.
CLC2008 Posted March 9, 2010 Posted March 9, 2010 What is with all the paternity threads? Never been in such a situation and I hope I never am. That's my contribution
Woggle Posted March 9, 2010 Posted March 9, 2010 Are you kidding Woggle? Such little faith you have in your wife. Its so Do you think your wife would be cool with that? I highly highly doubt it. If she is the woman she presents herself to be she would have no problem with it. Like I always ask if women really are as faithful as they say why would they object. If you have nothing to hide then what is the big deal?
sb129 Posted March 9, 2010 Posted March 9, 2010 Woggle, the other thread has more than enough explanations on it. Lets take the discussion back over there huh?
meerkat stew Posted March 9, 2010 Posted March 9, 2010 Wow at the "sock puppets." What a cheap argument tactic to pass off posters who disagree with you as being some sort of "sock puppet." Put your money where your mouth is and -name them-, which -specific- posts are you talking about? Which -specific- posters? There are no sock puppets, the occasional joke-troll, but no sock puppets. Lots of condescension and personal insults though, this board has been rich in that particular resource since I've been lurking here.
Romance Posted March 9, 2010 Posted March 9, 2010 I would smack my boyfriend upside the head if he EVER asked for a paternity test if I ended up pregnant. We both think cheating is wrong. He wouldnt even suspect it. A guy who would either a)has a ****in ****ty relationship or b)is a douche
sally4sara Posted March 9, 2010 Posted March 9, 2010 If she is the woman she presents herself to be she would have no problem with it. Like I always ask if women really are as faithful as they say why would they object. If you have nothing to hide then what is the big deal? Holding someone to being the person they present themselves to be is pretty funny coming from someone that lies to them about who they are everyday.
deux ex machina Posted March 9, 2010 Posted March 9, 2010 (edited) 1. Do you believe that paternity tests stem from trust issues? Generally, yes I do. 2. If your husband or SO, asks you while you're pregnant or had just given birth, for a paternity test, would you be okay with this, insulted but resigned, or would you consider this a dealbreaker? Insulted but resigned. 3. If someone you're dating, mentions that he believes in generic paternity tests for any potential future progeny, would you be okay with this, insulted but resigned, or would you consider it a dealbreaker? I'd really want to know why he feels that way. This is tough one...I guess...depending on his reasons I could be okay with it. If it is just because he has trust issues, then ultimately I don't think I'd feel able to continue until and unless he dealt with his issues. So...I'd choose no, I wouldn't be okay with it. 4. If someone introduces the topic of a pat test as part of a prenup agreement, would you be okay with this, insulted but resigned or would you consider this a dealbreaker? I wouldn't be able to continue (unless there was a very good explanation). 5. If you found out that the father of your child, went and got a paternity test without consulting you, would you consider this okay, insulted but resigned, or would you consider this a dealbreaker? I would be so upset about it I'm not sure what I would do. It rises to the level of something so deeply wrong. I would be hurt, to the extent that I don't know if we'd be able to get past it...I'd wonder what he was going to do next. Yet, it's so hard because what's being considered is the father of my child, a person that I love and want to be with. It would feel like such a slap in the face. I'd say insulted but resigned, but we would really have a lot of things to work through, and it wouldn't be something I'd easily forget. Edited March 9, 2010 by deux ex machina
donnamaybe Posted March 9, 2010 Posted March 9, 2010 Without hesitation. And so begins the demise of his relationship.
Ronni_W Posted March 9, 2010 Posted March 9, 2010 1. Do you believe that paternity tests stem from trust issues? Yes, but not necessarily anything to do with ME. (Except, of course, where the woman has volunteered that she's not sure who the father might be.) 2. If your husband or SO, asks you while you're pregnant or had just given birth, for a paternity test At that late stage, *probably* a deal breaker but would depend on our conversations after the idiot my darling husband or SO mentions it. Regardless, I think I'd feel hurt instead of insulted. 3. If someone you're dating, mentions that he believes in generic paternity tests for any potential future progeny Hhmmm. If I'm viewing him as otherwise worth a long-term relationship, I'd have some conversations and also suggest therapy. Might become a deal breaker. Since he's acknowledging it's his own genetic (generic) crap, would not take it personally / feel insulted. 4. If someone introduces the topic of a pat test as part of a prenup agreement If we're already at stage of talking marriage/prenup and he's just bringing it up NOW...I'd probably take that personally. Currently I'm thinking that I'd just tell him to go to hell, and take his effin' prenup with him. 5. If you found out that the father of your child, went and got a paternity test without consulting you Hhmmm. I'd feel hurt. Time for some serious self-reflection and marriage/relationship counseling! It might end up a deal breaker. Challenge with these types of questions is that I'd like to think I know myself well enough to know exactly how I'd react to this or that situation...but I'd be a big, fat liar if I said it is so.
New_Life08 Posted March 9, 2010 Posted March 9, 2010 I'm looking for responses from female members who have 300 posts or more, who have been a member for over six months. Any responses from members who don't fit this criteria, will not be included in the statistics. No insult is intended for real female members who've recently joined but we've had so many sock puppets lately, it's ridiculous. List of questions: Do you believe that paternity tests stem from trust issues?If your husband or SO, asks you while you're pregnant or had just given birth, for a paternity test, would you be okay with this, insulted but resigned, or would you consider this a dealbreaker?If someone you're dating, mentions that he believes in generic paternity tests for any potential future progeny, would you be okay with this, insulted but resigned, or would you consider it a dealbreaker?If someone introduces the topic of a pat test as part of a prenup agreement, would you be okay with this, insulted but resigned or would you consider this a dealbreaker?If you found out that the father of your child, went and got a paternity test without consulting you, would you consider this okay, insulted but resigned, or would you consider this a dealbreaker? 1. Yes 2. Deal-breaker! 3. Deal-breaker! 4. That would be a deal-breaker. 5. Deal-breaker! All of these answers are based on a monogamous relationship. If I had given him reason to question it i.e. and affair.. then my answers may be different.
Woggle Posted March 9, 2010 Posted March 9, 2010 And so begins the demise of his relationship. If my wife would leave me over protecting myself then I would want a divorce.
Author threebyfate Posted March 9, 2010 Author Posted March 9, 2010 If my wife would leave me over protecting myself then I would want a divorce.If your wife left you, you wouldn't have a choice with a divorce. Okay Ladies, now you're getting too vague for me to tally to hard stats or don't qualify, so I consider this poll closed!
Woggle Posted March 9, 2010 Posted March 9, 2010 If your wife left you, you wouldn't have a choice with a divorce. Okay Ladies, now you're getting too vague for me to tally to hard stats or don't qualify, so I consider this poll closed! I know I would not a choice but I would welcome a misandrist out of my life. Any woman who won't even attempt to understand the male point of view in my mind does not like men very much.
Author threebyfate Posted March 9, 2010 Author Posted March 9, 2010 I know I would not a choice but I would welcome a misandrist out of my life. Any woman who won't even attempt to understand the male point of view in my mind does not like men very much.Any man who won't even attempt to understand the female point of view, in my mind, does not like women very much, hence is a misogynist and is unwelcome in my life.
donnamaybe Posted March 9, 2010 Posted March 9, 2010 If my wife would leave me over protecting myself then I would want a divorce. She would be leaving you over not trusting her, after all that's already been between you. If you keep up this attitude, your relationship is doomed, I'm sorry to say. It's only a matter of time, IMO. And then it'll be HER fault.
Woggle Posted March 9, 2010 Posted March 9, 2010 She would be leaving you over not trusting her, after all that's already been between you. If you keep up this attitude, your relationship is doomed, I'm sorry to say. It's only a matter of time, IMO. And then it'll be HER fault. No woman that doesn't hate men would blame us for not trusting them.
sally4sara Posted March 9, 2010 Posted March 9, 2010 Any man who won't even attempt to understand the female point of view, in my mind, does not like women very much, hence is a misogynist and is unwelcome in my life. Is it so hard to understand that one man's point of view can be offensive to a woman without having a dislike for men in general? Your point of view isn't all men's point of view so it would have very little to do with disliking men. It would be just disliking you.
donnamaybe Posted March 9, 2010 Posted March 9, 2010 No woman that doesn't hate men would blame us for not trusting them. BWAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Talk about trying to make a chicken before an egg!
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